heartburn Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 I had an affair with this nice man. From the start he told me he was unhappily married and I was going thru a bad relationship of my own. The chemistry between us was amazing. He made me forgot about my problems immediately. Things between us started to get too emotional. He told me he love me, and I told him the same. I responded by saying if he is unhappy in his marriage then he should leave, but don't ever leave your wife for another woman. He has three kids under the age of 18. He is the only financial supporter for his family. He stated he will eventually leave her but not when she is unemployed. I think he is full of ****. Trying to have his cake and ice cream too. He just purchased a home for his family. He feel if he makes a stable environment for them, she won't pursue alimony and he can make a smooth get-a-way. He is sadly mistaken. It is cheater to keep her! As long as she is taking everything, he will not have a damn thing to offer me!
Chanelbelle Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Sounds like he is not really in a position right now to leave his wife or children ( Esp. since his children are all under 18, he has just bought a house ETC) Why isn't his wife employed, is she disabled? Sounds like he has some issues with commitment and he is using you as an outlet or escape from those problems, he dosn't need to commit to you,so why should he? He probably gets everything from you that he dosn't get from his wife with out taking vows. I am involved with a married man as well, but mine has children that are all grown up and there is a chance he might leave. I would sit down and have a serious talk with him about WHAT you want from him and what he wants from you. This is what I did at the beginning of my affair. I sat down with my boyfriend and said " I DON'T want to be a mistress, I don't want a prolonged affair and I want a NORMAL relationship" Now I am giving him space in which to decide.
Skittles Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by Chanelbelle I don't want a prolonged affair and I want a NORMAL relationship" Now I am giving him space in which to decide. ...................... ..............
quankanne Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Trying to have his cake and ice cream too never heard it phrased quite that way, but it makes more sense than the traditional way of saying it! He feels if he makes a stable environment for them, she won't pursue alimony and he can make a smooth get-a-way and there is a chance he might leave both of those statements are fallacious, ladies. Alimony: She might not want to pursue alimony, but the court system has other ideas about what's fair and proper when a marriage ends. And believe me, the lawyers will leave no stone unturned in making sure their client gets his or her pound of flesh! Chances of leaving: Those are inversely proportional to his chances of staying in that marriage, for whatever reason! and to be honest, I cannot see why a married person who has a lover would ever want to change the situation when that person has the best of both worlds. There is the spouse who loves him/her, who has given him/her the stability of family, and who probably would rather turn a blind eye rather than lose the relationship, then there is the lover who is willing to throw all caution (and pride, it seems to me) to abandon just to be with their married lover. The spouse and the lover are only getting half a man/woman, while the married lover gets the best of both worlds. My thought is, if someone is that unhappy, they are going to get out of the situation as quickly as they can because they realize it's an unhealthy way to live, not drag their feet and drag their feet, all the while making promises they have no intention of actually meeting.
Azeele Posted February 1, 2004 Posted February 1, 2004 [ to be honest, I cannot see why a married person who has a lover would ever want to change the situation when that person has the best of both worlds. There is the spouse who loves him/her, who has given him/her the stability of family, and who probably would rather turn a blind eye rather than lose the relationship, then there is the lover who is willing to throw all caution (and pride, it seems to me) to abandon just to be with their married lover. I agree. And...the fact that she is not working and he is buying her a new house is going to make all that more reluctant to leave him and she will probably make it difficut for him to leave. If she feels she is not independent enough to make it on her own, she'll hang on to her meal-ticket at all costs, even if it means she has to sacrifice her dignity by sharing her man with another woman. I think you'll find that after D-day, if there is one, she'll be more than amenable for him to have her - his cake - and your ice cream as long as she and the kiddies get to stay in that house with him as the provider/father/husband. ...making it all that much more difficult or undesirable - for him to leave her.
Arabess Posted February 1, 2004 Posted February 1, 2004 Originally posted by Azeele have her - his cake - and your ice cream Somehow, I found it to be hilarious...the way you wrote that Azeele. That's why MM who cheat are called 'cakemen'. I've just never thought of it in terms of 'ice cream' added. heartburn (good description....and have felt your pain....) I think as long as a MM can lie and get by with it.....he'll continue to do so. I think the only way to test the waters is to give an ultimatum date and stick to it. Then you'll know....one way or the other. Once that date has passed......refuse to have any contact till they show up with their divorce stapled to their forehead!!! If they are really unhappy with their marriage and DO love you.....then they need to be an ADULT and get a divorce. To keep 'the woman he loves so much' hanging on in misery while he lives the best of two worlds....is not acceptable. Until you start checking around.....you'll believe all his crap because you love him. For a long time, it won't even cross your mind that he's jacking you around. It's almost UNTHINKABLE! Then....the harsh reality sets in. Statistically, if they don't leave within 6 months....they aren't going to. Buying a house??? Why would he get further in debt with an unemployed wife if he planned to leave? Obviously, SHE isn't aware he is planning on leaving. She probably thinks the marriage is all peachy.
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