tigressA Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I've been casually seeing a guy for over a month; we met online. We've seen each other a few times so far, the last time being yesterday afternoon. He's a PhD student and lives about an hour away, so we can't see each other a whole lot. It's fine though, since neither of us want a long-term relationship. I really like seeing him when it's possible, but if it isn't it's nothing to cry over. Thing is, this guy doesn't seem very amused at all by me labeling our situation in casual terms. I joked with him the other day, saying, "It's a long distance booty call. lol" and he responded with "Not funny." I also have a bit of a running joke with him about having multiple girls, kind of a play on him being so busy--I playfully suggested he must have a girl for every day of the week and he'd have to re-work his schedule to swap me in every so often . At first he'd just smile and say something like "Where do you come up with this stuff?" (He's said to me several times that I "think too much" and have a "rich imagination", but that he likes it). When I saw him yesterday I joked, "I'm glad you told Wednesday Girl to take a hike for the day" and he didn't even crack a smile. He looked kind of upset. Whenever I say things like that I never give even the slightest indication that I'm serious, because I'm not. I have no problem with our situation the way it is; if I did I wouldn't be in it, much less joke about it, and I've told him that. He has no reason to think I am hiding behind jokes instead of talking plainly. I wonder if he could just be uptight about casual terminology and references...he's Indian and has only been in this country for a little over 4 years, and dating in general is almost unheard of over there even now. I've been assuming that things are not exclusive, and not been saying anything about it. But I'm thinking, based on what I posted above, of saying something like "So in your mind, does our situation allow us to see other people? Because in my mind it does" and seeing what he says. Good idea?
TaurusTerp Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Why are you continuing with a running joke that he doesn't find the least bit funny? It makes no sense. If it was a running joke for me to call the girl I'm seeing a dumbass everytime I saw her, I think she'd get tired of me real fast. Personally, I'd get pretty irritated over this after the first 2 times you gave me the you're such a player routine. It's not funny, and it probably seems like you ARE laying a joking tone over seriously thinking he's a player.
Author tigressA Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Yeah, that's what I was thinking, only that when I first started it he did find it funny. And I didn't do it that often at all. Just the last couple of times I said anything like that he got all uptight immediately. I don't plan on doing it anymore, obviously.
paddington bear Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 could be that you are making yourself sound insecure. Saying it once sounds like a joke. Continuing with it makes it sound like you are in reality thinking that he is with lots of other women and are using the jokey way of saying it as a way of a) telling him that you know about it or b) to get him to admit to it. Stop!!! Make a running joke about something else. Maybe he likes you, maybe you are not a long-distance booty call and you are (in his eyes) viewing him in a way that he does not like to be seen as and reflecting that back to him over and over.
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) I wonder if he could just be uptight about casual terminology and references... No these jokes just aren't that funny especially the 3rd, 5th and 10th times around. They're awkward. If he were making jokes like "hey so which guy did you bang today?" you'd probably get tired of them too pretty quickly. And that's pretty much your joke ("a girl for every day of the week"), just a little more crass. I've been in this guy's shoes, I suggest you just drop the jokes. It's rarely fun being called a manwhore, no matter what the intention. It also might make the guy think, "hey so is this girl actually OK with things, or is she secretly uncomfortable with the situation and thus making awkward jokes". Sure sometimes jokes like that are great in the right context, but this is obviously not one of those situations if he's not getting the joke. Edited June 10, 2010 by WintersNightTraveler
Engadget Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 This girl I'm seeing does the same thing. "When I'm not around, who are you having sex with?" "Oh he doesn't have a girlfriend..." (talking to my friend as a dig at me) "I'm going to go get sex elsewhere..." (trying to make me jealous) etc. It's kind of annoying actually.
JustJoe Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 TA, I think that you need to have a "come to Jesus", conversation with this guy (lucky bastard) and set the boundaries of your, "non-relationship". It's apparent from your words, that neither of you know where this thing is going, nor are you on the same page, emotion-wise. And stop the jokes, for crissakes, once or twice it was funny, now it's tedious.
Author tigressA Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 We are definitely on the same page; it's nothing like that. I really did just go overboard; you guys helped me see that. I don't know when to stop sometimes. I realize now that though I'm not insecure at all about where things are with us, I very well could've come off that way, regardless, and that IS tedious after not too long, so I'm just going to quit with those jokes. That's really all I need to do. Everything else doesn't matter at all.
JustJoe Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Well actually, TA, NONE of it matters to me. I would much prefer that it was TA and Joe, rather than some other dude.:D
VertexSquared Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 No these jokes just aren't that funny especially the 3rd, 5th and 10th times around. They're awkward. If he were making jokes like "hey so which guy did you bang today?" you'd probably get tired of them too pretty quickly. And that's pretty much your joke ("a girl for every day of the week"), just a little more crass. I've been in this guy's shoes, I suggest you just drop the jokes. It's rarely fun being called a manwhore, no matter what the intention. It also might make the guy think, "hey so is this girl actually OK with things, or is she secretly uncomfortable with the situation and thus making awkward jokes". Sure sometimes jokes like that are great in the right context, but this is obviously not one of those situations if he's not getting the joke. This is my sentiment as well -- agreed.
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