jp_savga Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Anyone have good insight on what questions I should be asking when I'm interviewing divorce lawyers [on the phone]? What should I be looking for in a good attorney? I am 33 with 2 kids (6yo and 8 mos) and I've been married 10 years. My wife had an affair and I need to get a lawyer sooner rather than later. Thanks, JP
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 'This is going to be a contested divorce. What is the first step we'll take after I retain you, if I retain you?' Say that to three lawyers and compare the answers. Personally, I would prefer a referral from my personal lawyer or a trusted business colleague, but, if you don't have those resources, you'll just have to interview a few. What I would look for is someone who is low key and talks and works efficiently and can explain different strategies and scenarios in layman's terms. Your discourse, generally about an hour, will give you some insight as to compatibility. If the fit doesn't 'feel' right, move on to the next potential. We haven't used lawyers officially in our D but I did get some procedural help from the family law lawyers at my lawyer's firm. Good advice is always worth what you pay for it. Good luck and sorry about the circumstances....
califnan Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I chose the most methodical attorney that I interviewed. He was also Slow. I went the legal route .. which is not necessarily the correct route. Is your wife still in the affair? My husband was very much in the affair. They were so eager to get me out of their lives, that looking back - I would have done better on the settlement if I would have acted quickly - rather than the longer legal route with the appraisers (H - self employed).. An attorney should be able to tell from your assets / earnings - what you will be able to come out with, and what you will have to pay. In Calif.. I don't know that the 10 yrs would command spousal support.. But if there is a home, the mother can be allowed to stay until the children are 18. If at all possible, settle. Settle with community property, settle the child support, ... settle.
You Go Girl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 First, figure out if your state is a no-fault state (assuming you are in the US). If it is no-fault, assets will be split 50-50. If you have proof of the affair, you can fight and win against any alimony in most states. Alimony usually kicks in about 10 years of marriage. If you are in a no-fault state, except for the alimony argument, they don't allow affair information to be dredged up in court. The court is not interested in this drama. Armed with the information on your state's divorce laws, you will be better prepared to give a lawyer as little as possible. Remember they are in it to make money, so the more contested divorces are their favorites. Amicable settlement means less to the lawyers, more $ to you and her. No-fault states are "irreconcilable differences" divorces.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If applicable in your jurisdiction, seek mediation to resolve property issues. This presumes you and your spouse cannot settle amicably. When I felt a D was coming on, I met with my business lawyer and made some strategic legal moves in advance of any actual divorce proceedings, then sought to reach an amicable settlement with those moves in reserve as my Plan B. Some of my business colleagues have a Plan B and that's where I learned about it. A person who is simply employed and goes home to their spouse each night is in a different situation and requires different counsel and strategy. Be aware, at least in Cali, the laws, especially with children involved, are complex; you can learn 'everything' but at great cost to your time and other interests. Also, in your case, with an active affair involved, you will be dealing with your own emotions as well as the burden of learning and the process itself. Decide now what you want out of this divorce; one or two things. Focus your efforts and use your legal help to achieve those goals. Say, for example, you want to preserve custody and/or visitation with your children and you want to preserve your retirement. If so, that will be your focus, and everything else can 'bend'. I know counseling helped me psychologically prepare for the divorce process, but YMMV on that part. If you're otherwise healthy, I doubt it will make much difference. Worth looking at, if only as a cost mitigating tool. Good luck
2sure Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I have seen friends, both men & women who go for the attorney that most validates their personal feelings about the spouse they are divorcing. Its marketing. Dont fall for that. Better, dont require it. Find an attorney who doesnt echo what you think you deserve...but one who tells you what you can reasonably expect to negotiate.
Recommended Posts