USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Do you ever get those nervous jitters after a first date with someone that you thought went really well? I just got back from a first date with a girl I met online a couple weeks ago. We have a lot in common, very similar senses of humor and tastes, and seem to get along really well. I had a great time and it seemed like she did as well. At the end of the night, we had talked about doing something this weekend. I'd love to see her again soon...but I think that makes me even more nervous and unsure of whether she felt the same way... Does the nervousness only come when you actually like the other person...? Or do you approach it with an almost certainty that there will be a second date...?
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I used to get nervous, but after so many dates I thought were awesome and they werent interested, I dont get nervous, because I now assume none are interested fater the first date even if it was the best date ever. I think I would get nercous on the 3rd or 4th date because then Ill know she is actually interested
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I used to get nervous, but after so many dates I thought were awesome and they werent interested, I dont get nervous, because I now assume none are interested fater the first date even if it was the best date ever. I think I would get nercous on the 3rd or 4th date because then Ill know she is actually interested And that's the attitude I kind of don't want to have...but I'm genuinely scared that even though the date went awesome, at the end of the night, she just isn't interested... And this never happens...
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 And that's the attitude I kind of don't want to have...but I'm genuinely scared that even though the date went awesome, at the end of the night, she just isn't interested... And this never happens... I can't say I wanted it either but I suppose it developed from meeting and dating a bunch of women who werent interested. I went and walked in arlington and hit the zoo with this one girl for about 2 hours. At the end she said she didnt feel a romantic connection. I said how could you we just walked around Arlington for 2 hours and barely know eachother, what do you expect?
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Try looking at dating as socializing with maybe some further intimacy down the road if you're compatible. Enjoy the *moment* rather than agonize over the possibilities. Don't you like hanging out with people who are fun to be around and you have a good time with? That's you
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I can't say I wanted it either but I suppose it developed from meeting and dating a bunch of women who werent interested. I went and walked in arlington and hit the zoo with this one girl for about 2 hours. At the end she said she didnt feel a romantic connection. I said how could you we just walked around Arlington for 2 hours and barely know eachother, what do you expect? Hmmmm, that's harsh, but I'd MUCH prefer a girl say that to me than say that she'd like to go out with me again only to never hear from her again... But you're right...if it happens enough, you can't help but start to expect it...
Leia Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Do you ever get those nervous jitters after a first date with someone that you thought went really well? Yes, sometimes. Does the nervousness only come when you actually like the other person...? Or do you approach it with an almost certainty that there will be a second date...? I get nervous even during the date and that's when I start rambling and fidgeting I don't think there will be a second date after all the fidgeting!!
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Hmmmm, that's harsh, but I'd MUCH prefer a girl say that to me than say that she'd like to go out with me again only to never hear from her again... But you're right...if it happens enough, you can't help but start to expect it... Ya I said I am glad she told me now rather than lead me on or drop off the planet. I do wish you luck though, eat your wheaties
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Try looking at dating as socializing with maybe some further intimacy down the road if you're compatible. Enjoy the *moment* rather than agonize over the possibilities. Don't you like hanging out with people who are fun to be around and you have a good time with? That's you Absolutely!!! And that's the most important thing for me. It can even be with complete strangers that I had just met on a cruise (hell, I was invited to dinner after talking with some random folks in a hot tub for about 20 minutes). But I think with online dating comes that expectation of something further down the road, you know? And sometimes we get caught up in the expectations, and instead of just enjoying each others company and the *moment* itself, as you say, we spend the evening judging the other person and weighing all the possibilities. Perhaps it's an inherent issue posed by meeting someone in person that you first met online...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I get nervous even during the date and that's when I start rambling and fidgeting I don't think there will be a second date after all the fidgeting!! Hahah, I was fidgeting like crazy with my straw...it was one of those bendy straws, and I was playing with it all night...I just couldn't help myself...GAH!!!
Confusedalways Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 But I think with online dating comes that expectation of something further down the road, you know? And sometimes we get caught up in the expectations, and instead of just enjoying each others company and the *moment* itself, as you say, we spend the evening judging the other person and weighing all the possibilities. Perhaps it's an inherent issue posed by meeting someone in person that you first met online... I know what you mean about this! It's like people are sizing you up so much to be in a relationship and this and that when you online date. I feel like this venue is unlike any others in this regard, and it puts so much pressure on the situation. I was talking to someone the other day and we decided we need to make a "lets be friends and do fun things and maybe a relationship will come of it.com." At any rate, I think more people online dating need to understand that it takes time to get to know someone. Yes, your first date aftermath nerves are totally normal. I really thought when someone [me] had an awesome time on a date, it was impossible that the other person didn't feel SOMETHING. That turned out not to be true, but I really hope it works out well for you!!
MisUnderstanding Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Do you ever get those nervous jitters after a first date with someone that you thought went really well? I just got back from a first date with a girl I met online a couple weeks ago. We have a lot in common, very similar senses of humor and tastes, and seem to get along really well. I had a great time and it seemed like she did as well. At the end of the night, we had talked about doing something this weekend. I'd love to see her again soon...but I think that makes me even more nervous and unsure of whether she felt the same way... Does the nervousness only come when you actually like the other person...? Or do you approach it with an almost certainty that there will be a second date...? I think you get nervous because you like the other person. Otherwise you'd have a really "whatever" feeling or wouldn't even care to meet her again.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I've only online dated since, whoa, 1996. I'm well aware of 'expectations' and made plenty of mistakes, some real doozies, in that regard over the years prior to being married. That's where the advice comes from I found the methodology of being a good time and having a good time to do two things. One, most importantly, the time and money one is spending is *fun!*. Two, one doesn't over-invest emotionally, in the past a real problem for myself. It really works. I've done it a few times since going through my D and my feelings, even though the encounters didn't last more than a few dates, are quite positive. We had *fun*, even if there wasn't a 'connection'. Hope that makes sense
Feelin Frisky Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I don't get nervous. I've been around the block a few times and don't let myself obsess.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I've only online dated since, whoa, 1996. I'm well aware of 'expectations' and made plenty of mistakes, some real doozies, in that regard over the years prior to being married. That's where the advice comes from Of course! And I certainly trust and respect your sage wisdom! I found the methodology of being a good time and having a good time to do two things. One, most importantly, the time and money one is spending is *fun!*. Two, one doesn't over-invest emotionally, in the past a real problem for myself. It really works. I've done it a few times since going through my D and my feelings, even though the encounters didn't last more than a few dates, are quite positive. We had *fun*, even if there wasn't a 'connection'. Hope that makes sense This is definitely the approach I try to take with any kind of first date (or even 10th date...). I don't throw down any pressure for more or discuss the future or possibilities of relationships or any of that noise. That just makes things awkward and takes away from having a good time doing what you're there to do with the person you're with. And you're right about not over-investing emotionally...I definitely learned that after my breakup...I'm certainly more careful in that regard now...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I know what you mean about this! It's like people are sizing you up so much to be in a relationship and this and that when you online date. I feel like this venue is unlike any others in this regard, and it puts so much pressure on the situation. I was talking to someone the other day and we decided we need to make a "lets be friends and do fun things and maybe a relationship will come of it.com." At any rate, I think more people online dating need to understand that it takes time to get to know someone. Yes, your first date aftermath nerves are totally normal. I really thought when someone [me] had an awesome time on a date, it was impossible that the other person didn't feel SOMETHING. That turned out not to be true, but I really hope it works out well for you!! Thanks! I hope so too...
deux ex machina Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm not dating atm, but yes I do totally understand getting nervous. I'm pretty shy at first, which complicates matters. These things take time, I think. Even when you think it went well, you just don't know the person well enough to gauge anything with any sort of certainty.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 And you're right about not over-investing emotionally...I definitely learned that after my breakup...I'm certainly more careful in that regard now...Something else too....being married (and divorced) cured me of any nervousness I might have had. The lady matters not (meaning I'm not intimidated or nervous). I don't suggest marriage and divorce as a cure though. Pass on that
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Something else too....being married (and divorced) cured me of any nervousness I might have. The lady matters not (meaning I'm not intimidated or nervous). I don't suggest marriage and divorce as a cure though. Pass on that Hahah, thanks. I'll write that down.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Even when you think it went well, you just don't know the person well enough to gauge anything with any sort of certainty. Yep...and the more you're into them, the more hopeful, yet doubtful, you become that they feel the same way... Dating = FAIL...
Leia Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Hahah, I was fidgeting like crazy with my straw...it was one of those bendy straws, and I was playing with it all night...I just couldn't help myself...GAH!!! That's me. I think you'll get over the nervousness after a while. I'm not talking about the second date with the same person ... just with anyone on a first date.
deux ex machina Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Yep...and the more you're into them, the more hopeful, yet doubtful, you become that they feel the same way... Dating = FAIL... It's a little early for you to throw in the towel just yet! I'm glad you are taking your time. Hey, if nothing else, you have a something to share with us!
Author USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 It's a little early for you to throw in the towel just yet! Oh, far from! I'm just gettin' started! I'm glad you are taking your time. Hey, if nothing else, you have a something to share with us! Yea, I'm in no rush to jump into anything or force anything to happen...but I'm sure I'll have stories to share!
mixwell Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Yes, sometimes. I get nervous even during the date and that's when I start rambling and fidgeting I don't think there will be a second date after all the fidgeting!! If I was dating someone with the looks of your avatar picture I wouldn't mind the fidgeting and I would for sure ask you out on a 2nd date.. Assuming you'ver 18+ years old. (you just look soo young in that avatar if that is you)
Leia Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If I was dating someone with the looks of your avatar picture I wouldn't mind the fidgeting and I would for sure ask you out on a 2nd date.. Assuming you'ver 18+ years old. (you just look soo young in that avatar if that is you) Thanks ... I think. That was taken a few years back. I'm well over 23 now! Way over 23!
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