Encountered another harsh rejection

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I don't understand why some people are taking such offense to what I did.

 

Two nights before at that very same venue, I saw a guy walk 3 girls, interrupt their conversation and solicit them for anal sex.

 

They laughed and invited him to sit down.

 

When I mentioned this, a lot of you congratulated that guy.

 

I go up and briefly ask for a brief moment (they didn't even give me a chance to show who I was or what I was all about) and they roll their eyes and ignore me.

 

And you side with them for that?

[Confusedalways]

I don't understand why some people are taking such offense to what I did.

 

Two nights before at that very same venue, I saw a guy walk 3 girls, interrupt their conversation and solicit them for anal sex.

 

They laughed and invited him to sit down.

 

When I mentioned this, a lot of you congratulated that guy.

 

I go up and briefly ask for a brief moment (they didn't even give me a chance to show who I was or what I was all about) and they roll their eyes and ignore me.

 

And you side with them for that?

 

I'm still on your side, but I just don't think the last comment you made to them was appropriate. You don't need to stoop down to their level.

[Lakeside_runner]

I don't understand why some people are taking such offense to what I did.

 

Two nights before at that very same venue, I saw a guy walk 3 girls, interrupt their conversation and solicit them for anal sex.

 

They laughed and invited him to sit down.

 

When I mentioned this, a lot of you congratulated that guy.

 

I go up and briefly ask for a brief moment (they didn't even give me a chance to show who I was or what I was all about) and they roll their eyes and ignore me.

 

And you side with them for that?

 

And this guy is your role model now? Really? I'm starting to have an impression that what you need is kind of to discover who YOU are and what YOU really want.

[D-Lish]

Why is trying to meet them a bad thing?

 

What would have been an appropriate response?

 

To move on to the next group and try again...and so on and so on... Until someone says "come here and sit down".

 

And to be honest, I just turned 40- and I still encounter men approaching me with come on lines. It's not in the delivery, it's in the deliverer.

[Cracker Jack]

Dude, I'm not against you or anything--but the situations don't even compare. The guy approached them, said his little sick joke, and they welcomed it. Your situation was different, because the women told you from the jump (Or one of them) that they were having a "private convo", so basically they weren't open to anything else.

 

What they did was normal. They could've been a lot more nasty, honestly. And your last comment was just...I dunno. Wrong.

 

And wow, D-Lish. You look great for your age! Thought you were much younger. Sorry for being off-topic.

[florence of suburbia]

Women are just people, you know. You don't need "tricks" and you don't need to go to bars. Just actively pursue your own interests and you'll eventually meet someone who shares those interests. Then just talk to her. It really is that simple.

 

It's backwards to make something up as an excuse to approach a woman. If you approach someone because you share something in common, then you have a reason to talk to them built in, and it comes naturally.

[Choboto]

ya you gotta just go with the flow on this, if they say no thanks dont push. it probs means they know your intentions and dont want to lead you on, or they dont feel like talkin to you because of PMS,bad day at work or whatever.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

 

It's backwards to make something up as an excuse to approach a woman. If you approach someone because you share something in common, then you have a reason to talk to them built in, and it comes naturally.

 

Ugggh! I've explained this before!

 

How on earth are you supposed to know if you have anything in common with someone before you even speak to them?

 

Do women expect men to be psychic and intuitively know if they'll connect with them BEFORE they even say "hi?"

 

I had never seen these girls before. I knew nothing about them. I went up to them exactly to see if we had anything in common. Up to that point, all I knew about them was that they were attractive and that the only thing in common was that we were under the same roof.

[D-Lish]

Dude, I'm not against you or anything--but the situations don't even compare. The guy approached them, said his little sick joke, and they welcomed it. Your situation was different, because the women told you from the jump (Or one of them) that they were having a "private convo", so basically they weren't open to anything else.

 

What they did was normal. They could've been a lot more nasty, honestly. And your last comment was just...I dunno. Wrong.

 

And wow, D-Lish. You look great for your age! Thought you were much younger. Sorry for being off-topic.

 

Well I love you:love: And I agree with you, that the "40" comment wasn't cool.

 

Ugggh! I've explained this before!

 

How on earth are you supposed to know if you have anything in common with someone before you even speak to them?

 

Do women expect men to be psychic and intuitively know if they'll connect with them BEFORE they even say "hi?"

 

I had never seen these girls before. I knew nothing about them. I went up to them exactly to see if we had anything in common. Up to that point, all I knew about them was that they were attractive and that the only thing in common was that we were under the same roof.

 

Here's the thing- you don't know what to expect when you approach people. That's the chance you take when you put yourself out there. They owe you nothing, they are strangers.

 

You should play the odds more, and suscribe to "how to" techniques less.

So what if one group of girls aren't interested- try again with the next.

[Jerry18]

They probably get hit on so much its annoying and you just fortifide their ideas.

 

I said "Fine then. Have a good night. Good luck finding men when you're all 40." And I walked away

 

Rather than seeming innocent you ended up revealing to them exactly what they were expecting, some dude to come up and try and pick one of them up.

 

I would've said, **** you ugly whores, spill my drink on them by "accident" and run.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

Well I love you:love: And I agree with you, that the "40" comment wasn't cool.

 

All I was trying to get across to those girls was that though they were attractive, their beauty would one day fade, so they had better improve their attitudes if they don't want to end up old maids. It was another poster on this forum who said that too many girls nowadays play the "I'm hot! You ain't getting none-o'-this!" game, and I was trying to let them know that that isn't okay.

 

 

Here's the thing- you don't know what to expect when you approach people. That's the chance you take when you put yourself out there. They owe you nothing, they are strangers.

 

 

I'm just sick and tired of hearing women say "Don't approach strangers. Approach people you connect with and have something in common with." I feel like these women type on impulse and don't think what they're saying. How are you supposed to know and connect with someone BEFORE you meet them? Everyone was a stranger to someone at some point earlier in their lives.

 

 

It's as if they were saying, "Don't get into a car until you've learned how to drive."

 

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEARN TO DRIVE WITHOUT GETTING INTO A CAR AND PRACTICING?!!!

 

USE YOUR HEADS LADIES!

[USMCHokie]

I'm just sick and tired of hearing women say "Don't approach strangers. Approach people you connect with and have something in common with." I feel like these women type on impulse and don't think what they're saying. How are you supposed to know and connect with someone BEFORE you meet them? Everyone was a stranger to someone at some point earlier in their lives.

 

 

Easy. Common interest is probably the most obvious and most common one. And you can infer these common interests based on location, association, or simply a common activity you and/or her are doing. Social networking is another big one (i.e., knowing a common person).

[CrestfallenNoMore]

I'm just sick and tired of hearing women say "Don't approach strangers. Approach people you connect with and have something in common with." I feel like these women type on impulse and don't think what they're saying. How are you supposed to know and connect with someone BEFORE you meet them?

 

USE YOUR HEADS LADIES!

 

What people are trying to say is that the clubs aren't the only way to meet women.

 

If you approach a woman on your co-ed recreational softball team, the hiking club you just joined, or a girl on the pickup sand volleyball team in the park, then you already share a common interest and a starting point. Don't just expect every girl in a club to be thrilled to talk to you.

[D-Lish]

All I was trying to get across to those girls was that though they were attractive, their beauty would one day fade, so they had better improve their attitudes if they don't want to end up old maids. It was another poster on this forum who said that too many girls nowadays play the "I'm hot! You ain't getting none-o'-this!" game, and I was trying to let them know that that isn't okay.

 

 

 

 

 

I'm just sick and tired of hearing women say "Don't approach strangers. Approach people you connect with and have something in common with." I feel like these women type on impulse and don't think what they're saying. How are you supposed to know and connect with someone BEFORE you meet them? Everyone was a stranger to someone at some point earlier in their lives.

 

 

It's as if they were saying, "Don't get into a car until you've learned how to drive."

 

HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO LEARN TO DRIVE WITHOUT GETTING INTO A CAR AND PRACTICING?!!!

 

USE YOUR HEADS LADIES!

 

I just think you're missing the point- those chicks didn't owe you anything, and they are pretty meaningless in the grand scheme of things.

 

Well, you kinda ARE learning how to drive- you crash into things, you make some wrong turns, but the more you go at it, the better you get at driving.

 

Don't take rejection so personally- just move on to the next. I am merely proposing that you increase your chances of meeting people by putting yourself out there whenever the mood strikes you. Most people are too scared to make an approach- and you did, good for you. Keep approaching until something pans out.

[that girl]

Those girls did not think "Hey maybe we should have given that guy a chance, we don't want to end up old maids after all!"

 

They thought, "What the heck was wrong with that guy? We're busy comforting Britney who just lost her job and he insults us for not wanting to talk to him! We're so glad we already have awesome boyfriends!"

 

Women are not sitting around plotting againist the poor innocent men who might approach them. They are busy with their own lives.

 

Every woman I know has at least one (usually dozens) of stories about creepy guys hitting on them. And by creepy guys I don't mean the dorky but well meaning guy they just weren't interested in, I'm talking about the one made disgusting sexual comments, followed them around, ignored requests to be left alone or insulted them. These experiences do make it harder for guys to successfully approach women they don't know because a little bit of a shield goes up, which is too bad for everyone. And you are now one of those stories about creepy guys that make women less open to strangers.

 

You screwed up. That doesn't mean that you deserve to die alone like you suggested those women do. But you seriously need to start thinking of women as actual people. People who have their own problems and may not be open to an approach for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Understand a woman might not want to talk to you for reasons that have nothing to do with you but be a good guy anyway. What you're doing now is just giving women reasons why they shouldn't talk to you.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Stop with the cold, random approaches. That just makes you seem creepy. Also stop reading any and all PUA manuals/books/online resources - they simply don't work on higher quality women.

 

If you must do public approaches at least try to establish meaningful eye contact first.

[SarahRose]

But you didn't use friendly humor in this case. If you had, you might have done better. But instead, you decided to insult them. Blame them if you want, but I doubt you could find one woman in a hundred who wouldn't have reacted in much the same way.

 

I seriously doubt he would have used humor to get away if some hideously unattractive female came up to him trying to talk to him.

 

Men are far worse. They would have ignored her or called her a rude name.

[SarahRose]

Okay, what the hell is this?

 

Saying something like that and walking away is going to basically tell these girls they dodged a bullet, and at this point in time, I'd say they're right. You come across as self-entitled (pestering them after they've given you their cue) and you insult these girls for not breaking their conversation to pander to the whims of a stranger? All these girls probably thought as you walked away was "What a creep!"

 

Your post made me cringe with the fury. Not only was the pickup AND handling of the rejection done in poor taste, but you need to quit relying on PUA crap. "Openers" and tricks like "I only have a minute" while remaining turned away are such obvious ploys for PUA, and it'll turn most girls off if they have brains.

 

Props for approaching women at random, but you'll shoot yourself in the foot and ruin your confidence if you keep trying those approaches.

 

I can't count how many times I was with my daughter or someone I was having a very important conversation with and some idiot man comes up and tries repeatedly to butt in.

 

I recall one time I was trying to say goodbye to my daughter who I wouldn't see for several months and we started to hug goodbye and some moron walks up and butts in when we were hugging. I told him to f off. It just ruined the moment.

 

I think a lot men DO they they are entitled to your immediate attention at their whim.

 

Oh and nothing other than a blunt FO works with these idiots either as they will keep pestering until you tell them off. They NEVER get the hint.

[Trimmer]

First, OP, let me show you that they weren't rude.

 

You asked to interrupt their conversation. Then, "one of the girls just looked straight at me and said 'Excuse me, we're having a private conversation.'"

 

She didn't tell you to F.O., she didn't insult you personally, she simply told you - honestly and directly, we assume - why you weren't welcome. Don't we all bitch and moan about people "playing games?" She wasn't playing games, she was communicating directly and simply, without insulting or demeaning you, that they weren't interested. Actually, she tried to do it in a pretty face-saving way for you, actually. "It's not about you, we're having a private conversation."

 

Now here's the thing: it didn't work - you didn't get it. You didn't take the opportunity she offered you to save face. She gave a simple, direct answer that didn't insult you, that offered you a way out, and you didn't get it. So in fact, you forced their hand, by being too dense to get the simple and direct approach, you actually forced their hand into getting more rude to defend their privacy which I maintain they absolutely had a right to do. I say, once you've put someone on the defensive as you did by attempting the second parry, she had every right to increase the force of her response to defend her territory until you got the message.

 

Now, if you take the attitude that you are entitled to some kind of opening with a random woman, then you will take any rejection as inherently rude and insulting, and I think that's the problem in the way you are seeing situation and others like it. Frankly, with that attitude, nobody can give you a "non-rude" rejection, can they, because with someone who tries to say "no" in a nice or gentle or direct way, you will just continue to ratchet up your attack until they have to turn "rude" for you to get the message. And then you will complain that they were rude or insulting, but it's all based on the assumption that they "owe" you something. Nobody does.

 

Bottom line (and I'm a guy, and not necessarily a "nice" one...) I think they responded appropriately to your advances: first, a direct "no" without insulting you personally, and later, increasing in force in proportion to your "not getting it." And in the end, you capped the situation - proving them right in both their eyes and mine - with your final comment.

 

And incidentally, your response to these criticisms, along the lines of 'well then, how am I supposed to approach/find common ground/etc.?' is a fine question, but it is NOT justification for your own rudeness, and you are attempting to use it as such, as if just because you are presented with a difficult challenge, it justifies you being a douche. It doesn't.

[Sivok]

That wasn't a harsh rejection at all. Also, if you're going to be using these types of approaches, you can't expect success at all on your first encounter.. Hell not even your first 10. Why? Because it's absolutely not natural for you at all, it's all scripted. There's no Bible to getting women in these types of areas. You need to be able to take social risks, be interesting, and stand out.

 

You're going to have absolutely no success whatsoever if you keep dwelling about every rejection. You have to act like you absolutely do not care and move on to the next girl like Carhill suggested. If you do get a response like 'is that some sort of pickup attempt?', being a bit cocky but in a humorous way works wonders.. Say something like 'pick up attempt? dont flatter yourself. I know you want it to be true but sorry to disappoint, I'm just seeking your opinion' in a clearly humorous/sarcastic manner.

[VertexSquared]

I don't understand why some people are taking such offense to what I did.

 

Two nights before at that very same venue, I saw a guy walk 3 girls, interrupt their conversation and solicit them for anal sex.

 

They laughed and invited him to sit down.

 

When I mentioned this, a lot of you congratulated that guy.

 

I go up and briefly ask for a brief moment (they didn't even give me a chance to show who I was or what I was all about) and they roll their eyes and ignore me.

 

And you side with them for that?

 

A lot of the finesse in approaches relies in reading social cues. You escalate slowly and know when you back off. In the case of the "anal" guy he probably made his way into the conversation first and started some kind of rapport, and then decided that they were receptive enough to drop something wild on. In your case, you were rebuffed from the start and you kept going, AND you handled the rejection improperly.

[Green]

 

Seriously, why do some women act this way?

 

Who knows GET OVER IT.

 

Look those women were rude. BUT YOU WERE WORSE.

 

After the girls said "We are having a private conversation" you should have said "Listen babe I'm just going ask my question and I'd enjoy an answer".... then ask your question and make it a good one.

 

Look I consider myself GOOD with women and even I used to get REJECTED by MANY MANY women at Nightclub/lounges/ any business with alcohol. Tensions are high at places like these. Your lucky if you get one number by the end of the night. Malls, Supermarkets, Parks... these are all much better places to meet women. You are not going to get the EXCUSE ME WE ARE HAVING A PRIVATE CONVERSATION... heck your likely to find girls out ALONE when you meet them during the DAY.

 

GO out to night clubs for the fun of seeing the women dressed all sluty. THe FUN of having a drink with your friends. The fun of trying to dance with some random HOT girl. And yes the FUN of hitting on women and not EXPECTING anything from it. DOn't stress yourself out expecting things.

 

Don't fear rejection.

 

remember 1) aproach girls you like and talk to them 2) ASK THEM OUT 3) Get their contact info preferably a number 4) KISS THEM when you get them alone which doesn't mean no people around just means you have them to yourself i.e. a movie/resteraunt what ever.

 

You're in serious need of a good wingman

 

A good wingman doesn't exist. I say be your own wing man and rely on yourself.

[Els]

Who knows GET OVER IT.

 

Look those women were rude. BUT YOU WERE WORSE.

 

After the girls said "We are having a private conversation" you should have said "Listen babe I'm just going ask my question and I'd enjoy an answer".... then ask your question and make it a good one.

 

LOL and this is any less rude!??! :lmao::lmao:

[Lakeside_runner]

A lot of the finesse in approaches relies in reading social cues. You escalate slowly and know when you back off. In the case of the "anal" guy he probably made his way into the conversation first and started some kind of rapport, and then decided that they were receptive enough to drop something wild on. In your case, you were rebuffed from the start and you kept going, AND you handled the rejection improperly.

 

Really? You're going to put the word "finesse" and the case of the "anal guy" together?!?!?! :lmao:

[VertexSquared]

Really? You're going to put the word "finesse" and the case of the "anal guy" together?!?!?! :lmao:

 

Hahaha, it does sound quite silly in that context No, not exactly, though -- that guy's approach was very atypical. My point is that he was successful even with such a silly approach because he knew how to work into it. The OP just tried to brute-force an approach and didn't pay any attention to the social cues, nor was he friendly.