Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 This could not have happened at a worse time for me. I've been fretting about that girl I danced with last week not writing me back on facebook despite 2 messages and now this. I was at a lounge. I was determined to try to talk to atleast 1 girl (or 1 group of girls) there. I was going to use an Opinion Opener (asking their opinion on some generic, non-personal topic to get a conversation going). I saw 3 girls sitting around a table on small sofas. I walked by them, looked at them over the shoulder with my body slightly turned away (because coming straight on and facing directly at them can be too confrontational/startling) and I butted in their conversation. I said "Excuse me. I only have a minute, but I was wondering if I could get your opinions on something." I was going to ask them if a specific movie I haven't seen was a chick-flick and was worth watching, but before I could ask, one of the girls just looked straight at me and said "Excuse me, we're having a private conversation." One of the girls wouldn't even look at me. I just replied, "Yeah I know, I was wondering if I could ask you a quick question," but that girl just rolled up her eyes, and looked away. All the girls just looked away the same. I felt mortified. I had gone in with hopes for a friendly, playful conversation and they were just rude. I know you all said that when you encounter rude, snotty women, you should just ignore it, but I've encountered them before and by ignoring it, I just felt humiliated and felt like they learned nothing. I used a comeback I have had in my head for a while. I said "Fine then. Have a good night. Good luck finding men when you're all 40." And I walked away. I just don't understand it. I don't understand how some people can be so hostile and confrontational to someone trying to make friendly, light conversation (in a social setting like a lounge no less) I know you all say that encounters like these shouldn't matter, but when you're putting yourself out there, doing the best to appear your best and reaching out to someone you hope to meet, but they're act uninterested, ignore you or otherwise be rude, it's more than frustrating; it hurts. It makes you feel like something's wrong with you. It's humiliating, and it makes you afraid to try again. Seriously, why do some women act this way?
Confusedalways Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You're placing too much on what YOU did wrong. It was nothing you did-- probably someone's boyfriend broke up with them, and they were out having a 'hate on all men and get drunk' nights. That could have been anyone-- and it's not like you were sleazy or anything with them. Honestly, you find rude people everywhere. Don't let it get you down, its their problem not yours.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 They have a right not to be interested in a conversation with a stranger. When one of the girls said - "We're having a privet conversation." - that's your cue! They don't want to be bothered and if you insist it'll make things only worse, as in this above described case. Also - no need to be rude to them. Did it make the situation any better? Did making the comment about them finding a man when they're 40 make you feel any better? Did it change anything?
Confusedalways Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You're in serious need of a good wingman very true. You deserve major props for going up to a group of 3 alone.
USMCHokie Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You're in serious need of a good wingman Agreed. Like confused said, that's pretty awesome that you're able to rock it out there alone...but you'll have a better time and better luck with a wingman or two...
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 They probably get hit on so much its annoying and you just fortifide their ideas. I said "Fine then. Have a good night. Good luck finding men when you're all 40." And I walked away Rather than seeming innocent you ended up revealing to them exactly what they were expecting, some dude to come up and try and pick one of them up.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 They probably get hit on so much its annoying and you just fortifide their ideas. I said "Fine then. Have a good night. Good luck finding men when you're all 40." And I walked away Rather than seeming innocent you ended up revealing to them exactly what they were expecting, some dude to come up and try and pick one of them up. Why is trying to meet them a bad thing? What would have been an appropriate response?
Lakeside_runner Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Why is trying to meet them a bad thing? What would have been an appropriate response? SERIOUSLY?!?!? What would be a good response??? Maybe something like: "Well, have a good night then." and a smile... at this point it doesn't matter if they think that you're a doormat or not or anything else. It doesn't matter what they think. Your comment certainly didn't make them go: "Oh... stupid us. Why did we hurt this guy".
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Why is trying to meet them a bad thing? What would have been an appropriate response? BNope not bad at all, but some women hate going out because they get hit on all the time and that might have been the case here. Had he jsut responded with "ok thanks anyway" they might have assumed he had a legit question and realize that the next guy might not be so bad. They may have already been guarded against him and when he made that comment in reinforced there opnion to be guarded. Probably wouldnt have helped him out any but it might help out the next guy
brainygirl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Sucks it didn't go your way. But I have to agree, you don't really know what was going on internally with them. they could have already been upset about something or in the middle of an argument between themselves. Next time, just play it like you were innocent and don't be rude even if they deserve it because you don't want to permanently burn bridges.
that girl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 When they said they were having a private conversation, you should have smiled and said, "Sorry to bother you." You did nothing wrong in approaching them, but you have no idea what was going on with them. One of them could have a sick relative or they could be prepping for an important presentation. There are very legitmate reasons why women would not want to be approached that have nothing to do with you. Respecting that is very important, you never know, one of them might have approached you later to apologize that they were busy and answer your question. And then you made it 1000x worse with you're crack implying that they will be desperate for your attention when they are 40. Totally ignoring the fact that not only could they have something more important to deal with, that they also have every right to not be interested. Instead it is all about what bitches women are and how sorry they will be at 40. Newsflash, women are not sorry to have the attention of insulting men. And if you ever see them again, you can bet they will point you out to other women as a jerk.
sweetjasmine Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 This is just me, but I would think it's rude to have a stranger interrupt my conversation with friends, especially if he asked again after one of us made it clear we're having a private conversation and especially if he didn't apologize for interrupting. That being said, they were being rude, too.
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Agree both were rude but you look like the bad guy. Dous guys a favor and be a gentleman, this gives us a bad name
Lakeside_runner Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 They may have already been guarded against him and when he made that comment in reinforced there opinion to be guarded. Probably wouldnt have helped him out any but it might help out the next guy It just sounds like the whole thing was very annoying to the girls. Summary: The guy: Can I ask you a question? Girls: No, we're having a private conversation here. The guy: But I want to ask you a question. Girls: (roll their eyes = dude - go away!) The guy: Well, you're stuck up b***s and good luck finding a man in your 40s! Wonderful! We need more people reading the whole pick-up artist and dating experts mambo-jumbo... "Opinion opener"... gosh help us all!!! DWbAW - what do you have in common with these girls? Why did you want to meet them in the first place? WHY THEM?!
BobSacamento Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You blew it. You just told 3 women that they would die alone because they wouldn't answer your lame survey...honestly, you acted like a baby.
Mimolicious Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 They were not rude, they were in the middle of a conversation and you rudely interrupted. So who was really rude? For all you know they are all happily married or engaged, they are not man-hunting. Like OP have said, if they were at a lounge sitting down "talking" obviously they had something to discuss. They would have been at the bar scouting for prospects. Then to make a second attempt... bad choice! To go off with a nasty remark- very bad choice! I mean, look at you... you are making ish up to go up to women and spark conversation. Honestly, people can sense insecurities, it reeks through your pores. Stop trying so hard! To display neediness is a huge turn off! Sorry to be harsh but people seem to search for other's approval yet they can't even accept themselves. If you're experiencing such "bad luck" in trying to catch someone's attention, odds are that you are doing a bad job.
ADF Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm sorry, but the only person rude and snotty here was you. They had no obligation to talk to you, and told you so. And you come back with that good-luck-when-you're-40 remark? THAT'S rude.
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 When someone comes up and talks to me, but I'm not interested in talking to them, I don't roll my eyes at them and ignore them. I'll be friendly humor them with some light small talk and find a way to squeeze a "have fun" or "good night" in there.
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 OP, kudos for effort. A+. Now, try a different methodology. Survey the room. Plan your approaches. Always be one woman ahead. Have your eye on what *you* want, and it isn't necessarily the first woman you approach. Always be gracious. No smart remarks. That messes up your aura. Both single and married women in these situations have an initial response to you as soon as you fall within their field of exposure, whether that be visual or aural. By the time you've opened your mouth, they've decided whether you get to speak or not; don't confuse that with being 'successful'. You have no control over this. *Accept it*. You have control over whom you approach. Smile. You're the hunter. Today the hunt will be good
Author Don'tWannabeAWannabe Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 OP, kudos for effort. A+. Now, try a different methodology. Survey the room. Plan your approaches. Always be one woman ahead. ummmmmm.... what?
carhill Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Don't invest too much focus in one woman. These are all strangers. Look around. Survey the room/venue. Lots of potentials. Married and single. Enjoy them all. A few might find you attractive. Maybe one might find you interesting to talk to. One never knows. You own you. Do you want the room? Own it. Balls to bones. There is no spoon
Feelin Frisky Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Seriously' date=' why do some women act this way?[/quote'] Becuse they are socially illiterate, self-consumed and probably waiting for MR. Wrong to buy them multiple rounds. They don't know they're dime a dozen meat that are disposable.
ADF Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 When someone comes up and talks to me' date=' but I'm not interested in talking to them, I don't roll my eyes at them and ignore them. I'll be friendly humor them with some light small talk and find a way to squeeze a "have fun" or "good night" in there.[/quote'] But you didn't use friendly humor in this case. If you had, you might have done better. But instead, you decided to insult them. Blame them if you want, but I doubt you could find one woman in a hundred who wouldn't have reacted in much the same way.
Cracker Jack Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Usually I prefer to compliment the OP on having the balls to approach random women. It really is awesome. But...you should've just left it alone once the one girl told you they were having a convo. And the snide remark didn't help much, either.
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