stoploss11 Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I am confused by women in general, lol. its not funny. I could write an epic to describe it all, but don't want you all to go mental. Please help though. This women is amazing....but. We started off talking at work. We both had no intentions of something being there. I had seen her 3-4 times at work and one day we caught eyes, i never had a momentary blur from a look before. The next day I saw her and we officially met she came in to work with her 6 months old daughter. We talked. and for weeks talked. There was something dynamic, she's wicked smart and beautiful to boot. Over the course of those few weeks she let me into her life, she lives with the baby's father, he tried to get her to have an abortion for 4 months. But has been a stand up guy since she was born. Her and her friends at work tell me there is nothing there and hasn't been in 15 months. Another month passes and we get close, 2 months pass and we are perfectly matched. So it seems. We never slept together because i tried my best not to. We've been getting open about having sex and about her having the guy leave but is terrified to be alone with the baby. Things built up, i never pressured her to have him leave but now we're at 4 plus months and she has let me into her whole life and her daughters too. A week ago she was sending me pics and calling me and texting me some pretty amazing things. Then the next day her baby needs to go to the ER, she calls me during and after for advice, the next day her "guy" has emergency surgery again she called me for advice (i have a medical degree), the next day she passes out and goes to the ER. Texts me the night after she comes home. She had a anxiety attack and hadn't eaten. The next day i didn't hear from her until before bed. Then barely any text or call for a day and a half. Then she calls me from the store and we talked very casually for an hour. Then the next day and a half I get 3 texts and no calls. The next night after a day of nothing i get a text telling me (several pretty rough things) but basically her mom went nuts and is never coming back. I text her and tried calling to be supportive but hardly any responses for 3-4 days and today I asked her they were ok and if something happened between us. She responded they the baby was Ok and she was as ok as she can be. seems like something new goes wrong everyday and she's just focusing on making sure everything doesn't go crazy. Its been 8 hours since she said that. I've been offering support and have always been there for her. I'm not really selfish but am concerned that she went from all about me and her and the baby to completely shutting me out. I don't wanna pressure her but would like to know what happened, why she stopped leaning on me. Thoughts? She was all giddy at work today and yesterday with someone else ( a guy she use to like 3 yrs ago but told me that never went anywhere) for some random reason. Why can she talk to anyone but me? Why not tell me what's happening, is she trying to make it work with her ex, I doubt it she had such a distaste for him since the abortion fiasco, but then again she is financially dependent on him. She s pretty awesome, but I'm thinking too much. please help......
seibert253 Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You're being too clingy. Give her space. Don't call text, nothing, let her call or text you. At work, acknowledge her, say hi, chit chat (if she initiates it), but that's it. If she's pulling away from you, (another love interest, or she's lost interest in you, whatever), you'll see the distance grow. Then you'll know without her ever saying a word. If you pull away from her, and she still cares for you, she'll notice this and come back to you. She may ask why you don't call, text, yada yada, just be straight up honest. Tell her she's pulled back, seems to need some space, so you're giving her what she wants. Tell her you care deeply for her and want to be with her, but if she no longer feels the same, you need to start distancing yourself because you don't want to get hurt. The old saying runs true: If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
Author stoploss11 Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 thank you it hurts to step away but understand. I just wish she let me know instead of going from 100 to 0 instantly.
Author stoploss11 Posted June 12, 2010 Author Posted June 12, 2010 253 I need more wisdom, today i am hurting. Trying not to let it be personal, but its hard. So now its been 3 days, since ive heard or saw her at work. She's been there all week our building is huge but she usually had to come into my wing 3-4 times a day and she hasn't come through all week. I can see the coffee bar from my seat and saw her yesterday and today and tried not to look out but when i turned she was going there. I'm trying to keep the space for her, should i never reach out if i dont hear from her? Would she be avoiding me because she is embarrassed or because she has no feelings and knows I still do. What other reasons? Also is it out of line to talk to a mutual friend we have, she has known him for 4 yrs and they are insanely close, i've only known him through her basically for 4 months. He's the one that told me some of the great things and how she told him she's never met anyone like me and she's never been this in love. He's talked to me in the past about things but I don't wanna be out of line by asking anything stupid but think he would know more.
D-Lish Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 You don't see any red flags? I see them, clearly just from what little you have said. Big, huge, red flags...
Recommended Posts