bluewolf17 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I wasn't sure were else to put this. I just got a call today at work from my exboyfriend (who I broke up with). We have been on friendly terms, and will chat, or get dinner every so often. He still sends flowers on my birthday. Anyhow, I could tell right away something was wrong. He denied it, made small talk, then said he had to see me. I joked and said "who did you knock up". He didn't laugh. I was right. He started crying and said he has to see me. I started crying. He heard me crying, and I HUNG UP! I feel so, so bad. I don't know what I am feeling. I shouldn't have hung up, but I was just bawling at work. And know he is sending me text messages telling me how excited his grandma is, that the girl he isn't even dating, he use to, that he doesn't love her (whatever) and that the worst part is that now he knows that we will never get back together, and that he has loved me this whole time (we broke up about 5 yrs ago). I really don't know much about the small details, just that I don't know why it hurst so much. I mean, I broke up with him, and I have moved on and I am in a really good, serious relationship. So why do I feel like my world just ended? Please be nice.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Wow, I have to guess that it is something maternal, and perhaps very normal for women. (that made you cry and hurt so much from the news) I think you should have chosen a different headline for your post. Perhaps "Why am I so affected by news of my ex to become a father?"
ADF Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Just for the record, you can't ask for honest opinion AND demand people be nice. It doesn't work that way. You either want honesty, or you don't. Period. That said, it is easy to see why you feel bad. This is a person you care about who is in a very difficult situation. Of course you feel for the guy. How could you not?
whichwayisup Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Did you think that one day the two of you would get back together? I'm not really sure I understand why you're so devastated over this. He's your ex of 5 years, you broke up with him.. But, I take it you two have kept in touch over the past 5 years? Are friends? Maybe you aren't over him and are still emotionally attached, enough for this to have such an impact on you. Or is it because HE told you that he realizes that there will be no you and him? Maybe hearing that, got to you. Think about it and ask yourself .. Is this ego related? Or is it emotional? Is it from the heart or just jealously.
JustJoe Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 BW, perhaps it was the shock of hearing about the pregnancy , that set off the emotional meltdown? Try to get some rest, and see how you feel in a couple of days.
norajane Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) I think you're upset because he's that ex who still sends you flowers on your birthday even though you broke up with him 5 years ago, still that guy you get together for dinner with and catch-up with - and you look forward to it. He was "yours" in your mind. No matter if you were dating others, no matter if he was, you knew there was still something there and he carried a torch for you. He wouldn't bother stay in touch with you otherwise. Now, you realize he's not "yours", and that his life is about to change - without you. It's like finding out that an ex, a meaningful ex, is getting married. It's a sign that it's not about you anymore. Essentially, his life changes will change your relationship, and it's making you sadder than you expected because his role in your life means more to you than you realized. Nothing will be the same between you anymore. Edited June 10, 2010 by norajane 1
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Thank you everyone. I really mean that. I guess I was worried I would get ripped apart... He kept texting me throughout the day. I didn't respond because I was just in shock. I am not sure what he wanted..I think he is still dealing with it too. He told me that besides getting a girl pregnant that he barely knows, he know feels like he will never have a chance with me. That I wouldn't ever want him I guess I wasn't ready for that talk because I haven't dealt with me emotions over the break up. I think that I do love him, but I was so hurt by our relationship that I never wanted to give it another try. Now that he is tied to someone for life, I am really feeling that loss. I feel stupid for the way I acted. I should have been more supportive. Instead I just cried and was selfish about how it would effect me. He begged me to meet him for coffee, and I finally replied and said I would. It turned out how I expected. He told me everything, about her and how it happend, while I cried. And he cried. And we both cried and said that this isn't how it should have been. He asked me if I was mad, and I admitted that I was, and that I was angry at him for being reckless. I guess I hoped that one day he would meet a great girl and be truly happy. Then I wouldn't have to deal with feeling bad or guilty. I wanted the best for him. Now he says he is miserable and it makes me sad. I guess she is 15 years older, divorced, "infertile" and lost custod of her kids. I am really trying not to juge because I don't know anything..and he could be lying, but this all sounds weird to me.
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