Worried7 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together since 2004. We aren't married but have discussed that it may happen in another few years because we've only been out of college for a couple of years now. We've had very few relationship issues except for one that really plagues me..I have a very strong Christian faith and feel held back by him because it's very difficult to live out your God-given destiny and have a close relationship with God when your significant other will not even consider going to church, living a Christian lifestyle, etc. He was raised Catholic, but never really gave his heart to God, just went through the motions of church ,etc. He quit going in High School and has rarely attended church since. His mother is very devoted to a christian lifestyle, but I think he is more like his father. His father is an agnostic criminal defense attorney who generally is a very nice man and great people-person but I notice that he is very greedy, quick to defend people who have commited haneous crimes and isn't afraid to tell others around him that he does it for no reason other than the money so he can live a luxurious lifestyle to be proud of. I really do love his parents and we stay on good terms even though we don't see eye to eye. It really would be very upsetting to give up our relationship because other than this, we are one very compatible couple(believe it or not) and we've really enjoyed each other's company through the years. We still give each other butterflies and are fantastic at keeping the relationship exciting and new. I really just feel like I can't live out my life like with a close relationship with God, it makes it more and more difficult as time goes on because it divides us in many ways. I just don't want to see it cause anymore friction. I've noticed many women and men in my boat as it gets harder and harder to live the Christian lifestyle today. The divorce rate is sky high and I think it is differences like this that make it difficult for a relationship to last. I will not get married until I feel this is resolved. I refuse to marry when I am not entirely ready to be devoted to this person for the rest of my life no matter what. I also do not want to force him to do something he simply does not want to do. I've never been that kind of person and I think he appreciates me for that. Any advice on how to deal? Edited June 9, 2010 by Worried7
DaisyLeigh Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) If church and a relationship with God is THAT important to you, then you know what you have to do. Think about your future. You want a guy who is more religious, or spiritual. He is not IT, Honey. If you have children, you may have to fight him in order to take the kids to church and you will likely be going alone with them. You will likely not change him. Don't even try. This is not something trivial, as in, he never caps the toothpaste. Religion is a very important thing. Edited June 10, 2010 by DaisyLeigh
califnan Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I'm happy that you are willing to hold off until he shares your values.. At this point, I am assuming that the two of you disagree on other issues..
linwood Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If you can`t have a close relationship with your god without pushing it on your SO then there is no option but to go your own separate ways. I`ve seen this one before.
califnan Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If you can`t have a close relationship with your god without pushing it on your SO then there is no option but to go your own separate ways. QUOTE] ------------------ Yes, It's a reminder to me 7, that God is at the center of a good marriage. And with the eyes of both partners on Him.
crazycatlady Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together since 2004. We aren't married but have discussed that it may happen in another few years because we've only been out of college for a couple of years now. We've had very few relationship issues except for one that really plagues me..I have a very strong Christian faith and feel held back by him because it's very difficult to live out your God-given destiny and have a close relationship with God when your significant other will not even consider going to church, living a Christian lifestyle, etc. He was raised Catholic, but never really gave his heart to God, just went through the motions of church ,etc. He quit going in High School and has rarely attended church since. His mother is very devoted to a christian lifestyle, but I think he is more like his father. His father is an agnostic criminal defense attorney who generally is a very nice man and great people-person but I notice that he is very greedy, quick to defend people who have commited haneous crimes and isn't afraid to tell others around him that he does it for no reason other than the money so he can live a luxurious lifestyle to be proud of. I really do love his parents and we stay on good terms even though we don't see eye to eye. It really would be very upsetting to give up our relationship because other than this, we are one very compatible couple(believe it or not) and we've really enjoyed each other's company through the years. We still give each other butterflies and are fantastic at keeping the relationship exciting and new. I really just feel like I can't live out my life like with a close relationship with God, it makes it more and more difficult as time goes on because it divides us in many ways. I just don't want to see it cause anymore friction. I've noticed many women and men in my boat as it gets harder and harder to live the Christian lifestyle today. The divorce rate is sky high and I think it is differences like this that make it difficult for a relationship to last. I will not get married until I feel this is resolved. I refuse to marry when I am not entirely ready to be devoted to this person for the rest of my life no matter what. I also do not want to force him to do something he simply does not want to do. I've never been that kind of person and I think he appreciates me for that. Any advice on how to deal? If religion is this important to you, and you are uncomfortable being with someone who does not share your same faith level...Don't marry him. And break up with him so you both can go on and find people who suit you better. I know plenty of people who manage to live a split marriage - one partner attending church regularly, and one not. Usually it doesn't interfer with the believing partner raising the children in a religious manner, but sometimes it does. But he's never lied to you about religion. And I think its wrong to push a partner to embrace what they don't believe. But then I think pushing anyone into religion is wrong. CCL
Tommy's Girl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 The fact that you used the term "unevenly yolked" lets me know you already understand what God asks us to do. In the Bible, He says we are not to be unevenly yoked. I don't believe it's a sin but it does cause a hardship that could otherwise be avoided. Everything God tells us in the Bible is for our own good whether we see it at the moment or not. I look at it similar to a parent telling a child what to do even if the child doesn't understand, they trust that the parent knows what's best. Since you are not married yet, and your relationship with God is important, there are plenty of men out there that have a strong faith in God. Christian marriages are built on the foundation of God. If one partner doesn't believe that, then you are on shaky ground.
Enema Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 You should break up with the poor guy. The longer you wait the harder it'll be.
Author Worried7 Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) Someone said a prayer and it was heard! We had a discussion about how I have been feeling there is a wall that I've put up between God & I and that I want to find a good bible-based church in the new town we're moving to in a few months, I've had a strong calling about it lately. He said he had too recently that he completely understands what I'm saying and that he has been considering the past few days picking up his routine of going back to church. It's the strangest thing, I haven't ever pressured him to make this decision because that's against my beliefs and I'm so glad because he just realized it on his own right when it was absolutly neccassary to restore faith in our relationship! I'm so glad I finally just communicated clearly with him because he knows it bothers me that we haven't been to church together for so long, but wasn't really interested in learning how to make it better. I heard "no, not today" so many times through the years of our relationship that I was afraid of asking again. Thanks for replying and thanks for whoever prayed because someone really did! Edited June 10, 2010 by Worried7
quankanne Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 worried, I'm VERY glad to hear that he's answering that call from God to start back to church. Just remember we help bring our partners into a closer relationship with God by modeling His love to them. Or, as our DRE says, "I'm responsible for getting my husband to heaven" in this way! you say he's a lapsed Catholic: In all fairness, you should point out that the Church has information sessions for inquirers to attend, be they cradle Catholic or those who are curious. What he learns there will be WAAAAAYYYY different than what he picked up in his childhood catechism classes, because he's got life experience to apply to these teachings, and I guarantee he'll be amazed at the things he thought he knew.
pureinheart Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been together since 2004. We aren't married but have discussed that it may happen in another few years because we've only been out of college for a couple of years now. We've had very few relationship issues except for one that really plagues me..I have a very strong Christian faith and feel held back by him because it's very difficult to live out your God-given destiny and have a close relationship with God when your significant other will not even consider going to church, living a Christian lifestyle, etc. He was raised Catholic, but never really gave his heart to God, just went through the motions of church ,etc. He quit going in High School and has rarely attended church since. His mother is very devoted to a christian lifestyle, but I think he is more like his father. His father is an agnostic criminal defense attorney who generally is a very nice man and great people-person but I notice that he is very greedy, quick to defend people who have commited haneous crimes and isn't afraid to tell others around him that he does it for no reason other than the money so he can live a luxurious lifestyle to be proud of. I really do love his parents and we stay on good terms even though we don't see eye to eye. It really would be very upsetting to give up our relationship because other than this, we are one very compatible couple(believe it or not) and we've really enjoyed each other's company through the years. We still give each other butterflies and are fantastic at keeping the relationship exciting and new. I really just feel like I can't live out my life like with a close relationship with God, it makes it more and more difficult as time goes on because it divides us in many ways. I just don't want to see it cause anymore friction. I've noticed many women and men in my boat as it gets harder and harder to live the Christian lifestyle today. The divorce rate is sky high and I think it is differences like this that make it difficult for a relationship to last. I will not get married until I feel this is resolved. I refuse to marry when I am not entirely ready to be devoted to this person for the rest of my life no matter what. I also do not want to force him to do something he simply does not want to do. I've never been that kind of person and I think he appreciates me for that. Any advice on how to deal? Fact is, you are unequally yoked...if he has not given his heart to the Lord, then he is not saved...observing the form, but denying the power thereof through Catholicism. I'd just pray for him, put him on prayer chains and stuff...hey Ill be lift ing him up...GBU and hugs
WalkInThePark Posted July 22, 2010 Posted July 22, 2010 Why don't you become a nun if god is that important to you? I can't believe the way some people hide their own rigid thinking behind this religious nonsense. Doesn't the bible say things like that the spirit of the word is more important than the letter of the world. Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy to me and you don't deserve him because you can't accept him the way he is. I think he is way more flexible and relaxed about life than you are but instead of appreciating how that can be a positive contribution to your life, you keep him hostage. You don't want to commit to him until he becomes exactly how you want him to be. That, my dear, has nothing to do with love but everything with control.
don_1962 Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 (edited) Worried, I hope you're not physically intimate with him. He may be very appealing and it may be very tempting, but it's very dangerous to get too close to someone who could become a parent to your child you may create together, then you'd be stuck with him for at least 18 years. The closer you get physically with someone, the more connected you become to his/ her flesh and spirit, which makes it that much harder to pull out (literally). If it's hard now to leave a relationship, think how harder it would be once you've made love several times and tasted the joy of that closeness. Plus, you'll feel a lot of guilt during and after, and feel you "owe" it to the other to marry them, as they have let you push the limits and tasted marital love before you're legally married or have a ring on your finger. Plus, I imagine your Christian experience would make that a big no-no. I know of what I speak. I didn't create a child with my future spouse (but certainly could have after a couple of condom failures!). Becoming physically close before marriage has created a lot of problems I didn't expect later in our marriage. Edited August 22, 2010 by don_1962
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