ash119 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 My ex and I broke up 9 months ago after a short (5 months) but very intense relationship. Within 2 months of being together he had told me he loved me and knew that he would marry me and even pictured our children. This totally freaked me out b/c I knew we couldn't handle that kind of pressure and I wanted to keep our relationship light but I also really cared about him. Neither of us are relationship people at all. In fact, we are both commitment phobic which is mostly why we connected so strongly but definitely why it ended. We basically fell in love with eachother and completely freaked out. Three months ago, we started working towards being friends and unfortunately it ended with a big drunken fight and I told him we couldn't speak to eachother anymore, I just felt that it was the healthiest thing for both of us. Two months later he came to me crying and begging me for my friendship. Over the past month, I have slowly let him back in. I was being very cautious but at the same time I've really really missed him and I know that I still love him. It's hard for me to turn him away when he's really the only thing that I want. We agreed to be friends and both agreed that neither of us could handle a relationship and that we are too similar to ever be together. This is what my head tells me but my heart tells me that he's the one. Three nights ago we were hanging out and within literally the first minute that we were alone together during the entire course of our break up we ended up hooking up. He initiated it and afterwards we talked and agreed that things wouldn't be awkward between us. He suggested that we be friends with benefits and at the time I agreed that we could handle it. I just don't know if he really wants a no-strings attached relationship with me like he says or if he really still loves me. I am the only girl he has ever been in love with (he is 28), he says he still cares about me but we both agree that we are too much alike to really be together. After we hooked up, we agreed that we could handle it and he sort of said he could still feel something for me but then quickly brushed it off. I guess my question is--how do I know what his intentions are with this? When we were together, I was able to hold my emotions much better than he was but ever since we have broken up he's be extremely guarded with me and has repeatedly told me he's over me yet has also always been the one to initiate contact and to beg me to be in his life. I care about him so much, I know that the time isn't right for us right now b/c we are just not in the right place to handle a relationship. I'm pretty sure that I can handle being just friends but I'm just not sure if he has different motives. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I just don't know if he really wants a no-strings attached relationship with me like he says or if he really still loves me. This isn't an either/or thing. He likely does love you to a certain extent and likes the sex, but he still doesn't want to be committed to you. Having sex on the regular won't change a male initiated FWB status. If anything it merely reinforces it. If you want more emotionally and you want a commitment, this isn't the situation OR the guy you will find it with.
Arica Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Obviously you are not a commitment phobic otherwise you wouldn't want a commitment from him. I am assuming you do. You continue to have sex with him and I am assuming if you didn't really want a commitment from him you wouldn't do that, but you are trying to please him. Either call it off or get your stuff together. Don't be a booty call. If you keep this up someone is going to get hurt I can promise you that!
Passion4Life Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 My ex and I broke up 9 months ago after a short (5 months) but very intense relationship. Within 2 months of being together he had told me he loved me and knew that he would marry me and even pictured our children. This totally freaked me out b/c I knew we couldn't handle that kind of pressure and I wanted to keep our relationship light but I also really cared about him. Neither of us are relationship people at all. In fact, we are both commitment phobic which is mostly why we connected so strongly but definitely why it ended. We basically fell in love with eachother and completely freaked out. Three months ago, we started working towards being friends and unfortunately it ended with a big drunken fight and I told him we couldn't speak to eachother anymore, I just felt that it was the healthiest thing for both of us. Two months later he came to me crying and begging me for my friendship. Over the past month, I have slowly let him back in. I was being very cautious but at the same time I've really really missed him and I know that I still love him. It's hard for me to turn him away when he's really the only thing that I want. We agreed to be friends and both agreed that neither of us could handle a relationship and that we are too similar to ever be together. This is what my head tells me but my heart tells me that he's the one. Three nights ago we were hanging out and within literally the first minute that we were alone together during the entire course of our break up we ended up hooking up. He initiated it and afterwards we talked and agreed that things wouldn't be awkward between us. He suggested that we be friends with benefits and at the time I agreed that we could handle it. I just don't know if he really wants a no-strings attached relationship with me like he says or if he really still loves me. I am the only girl he has ever been in love with (he is 28), he says he still cares about me but we both agree that we are too much alike to really be together. After we hooked up, we agreed that we could handle it and he sort of said he could still feel something for me but then quickly brushed it off. I guess my question is--how do I know what his intentions are with this? When we were together, I was able to hold my emotions much better than he was but ever since we have broken up he's be extremely guarded with me and has repeatedly told me he's over me yet has also always been the one to initiate contact and to beg me to be in his life. I care about him so much, I know that the time isn't right for us right now b/c we are just not in the right place to handle a relationship. I'm pretty sure that I can handle being just friends but I'm just not sure if he has different motives. Any insight would be greatly appreciated! I think it is little confusing , as you said you are at present not ready to handle a relationship & he wants a no-strings attached relationship , so you should be ok with that right ? . or do you want more ?
bella16 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 The FWB thing never works out the way we want it to. I will never do it again, after experiencing it with my last ex. We broke up in September, and then 2 months later we were sleeping together without the commitment. I was in love, while he was just having his cake and eating it too. It is now a lesson learned, but I felt horrible from my actions and the fact of knowing that someone who I was in a relationship for a year with...would look at me as just f**k buddy. Never again. I am now happily in a relationship with someone else and he is everything I've always wanted and more. Just be careful. If there are no feelings involved then yes, of course you can be FWB with your ex. I wouldn't recommend it though.
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