Pleco Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 My long term boyfriend and I are in our early 20s. We have a great life: cute little house on a lake, good jobs, lots of toys, and we travel a lot. BUT we are both really young and can be somewhat immature. I feel like we should have met 10 years from now when we are older and more mature. During the course of our relationship we've made a few really stupid mistakes (him moreso than me) but for one reason or another have stuck together. My one really stupid mistake in a nutshell: my boyfriend was out of town, his "best friend" calls me and invites me to a party. I go, thinking it would be a good way to get to know my boyfriend's friends. The "friend" convinces me to take some drug. He lied to me about what it would do and how many he himself had taken. I take it (stupid, I know - like I said, not my brightest moment). Turns out the friend had also lied to me about the party: there was no party, just him and a few other people. The "friend" ends up having sex with me when I was barely conscious. I have two brief flashes of memory from it, nothing else. We almost broke up over it but got through it somehow. He has done worse things to me so I guess he was more inclined to give me a second chance. Up until 3 days ago, my boyfriend has not spoken to his "friend" since then and has told me that he never would (it happened a year ago). Then, out of nowhere while I was at work, he went out on the boat with him to wakeboard! They hung out all day, and the "friend" ended up giving my boyfriend some of the same pills that he gave me that night, so when I got home my boyfriend was pretty messed up. I was pretty shocked. I am so angry...and my boyfriend is acting like it is no big deal. I think he has a f*cking screw loose to think that it's no big deal. He's done this sort of thing before, and I'm almost at my wits end. He obviously has zero loyalty to me. Thoughts?
daphne Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Oh my god. No, I don't think you're overreacting. I'm surprised you didn't call the police when it happened to you though. Your bf has an impairment on his judgement. However, my ex husband did the same when he was in his early 20's. Both of his best friends tried to hit on me in very obvious ways when he wasn't around and even once when he was. But he refused to believe it and kept them around,leaving me uncomfortable. I don't know what to tell you. That just sucks.
that girl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Oh my god. You didn't do anything wrong, you were raped. You didn't get drunk and decide to **** someone else, you were semi-conscious while someone raped you. First of all, I think you need to talk to a counselor. Rainn has free online and telephone counselling that is totally confidential http://www.rainn.org/ Then you need to lay down the lay with your boyfriend, he can either be your boyfriend or he can chill with you rapist. He can't do both.
Confusedalways Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If my boyfriend didn't think that was a big deal-- SEE YA. That's a huge deal. You're UNDER reacting! I'd be beside myself with anger.
Ihavenoidea Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 If this happened to my GF, my friend would probably get a shotgun to the face. True Story
Mimolicious Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 There is a name for what happened to you, it's called DATE RAPE! You should have honestly reported this. You can spare dozen of other girls to have to go through this. Obviously, this friend of yours is a drug addict and a sex offender that needs to drug chicks to take advantage of them. He took advantage of you!!! DO SOMETHING! Your boyfriend, he has no manhood or backbone. If someone did this to me, he sure wouldn't have front teeth or kneecaps the least. Sorry, but he either doesn't care about you, has a serious drug habit or is a straight up punk! We all have "glass ceilings" honey. That "perfect life" you just describe is not so "perfect" with a man that wont protect or defend you. I hope you get through this quickly and keep yourself safe. Good luck! (hugs)
brainygirl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Sweetie, you were raped by people who were supposedly friends. And you are worried about the boy friend? why haven't you told the police? Do you want some other woman to experience that. Why is this coached in terms of what you did? All you did was go to a party without him, if friends raped you. Why aren't you more angry at him and them? My gosh, what are they teaching young women these days?
Author Pleco Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 I have a hard time in my mind writing it off as rape. The "friend" definitely lied to me and took advantage of the situation (a situation that he tricked me into and set up himself). But at the same time, I don't remember what happened. The other people that were there say that I seemed alright. According to them I was able to walk right before it happened, and I could talk at least somewhat clearly. Maybe the guy did intend to get me into bed, but did not intend to really rape me. I dunno. Like I said, I only have two brief flashes of memory from the actual act. My boyfriend "investigated" the situation by asking everyone that was there exactly what happened. In his own words, he believes that at the time, I wanted to have sex. I don't remember it, but I wanted it (according to him). Maybe the drug did make me really horny and I DID want it at the time. I honestly don't know.
suprisinginsight Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 (edited) I have a hard time in my mind writing it off as rape. The "friend" definitely lied to me and took advantage of the situation (a situation that he tricked me into and set up himself). But at the same time, I don't remember what happened. The other people that were there say that I seemed alright. According to them I was able to walk right before it happened, and I could talk at least somewhat clearly. Maybe the guy did intend to get me into bed, but did not intend to really rape me. I dunno. Like I said, I only have two brief flashes of memory from the actual act. My boyfriend "investigated" the situation by asking everyone that was there exactly what happened. In his own words, he believes that at the time, I wanted to have sex. I don't remember it, but I wanted it (according to him). Maybe the drug did make me really horny and I DID want it at the time. I honestly don't know. Pleco First, its a HUGE deal, I would definately consider getting police involved...just because you weren't saying "no" doesn't mean it was conesnt, definately will stand up in court. Now the issue is that sounds like some time has passed.... (Classic case of date rape IMO) Sounds like you got slipped some GHB/date rape drug or xanax ( bars) both hinders judgement, memory and inhibation...but it doesn't make you "horny". Don't try to justify the event. YOU are not at fault nor did you do anything wrong. what the "friend" did was crimial and immoral plain and simple. YOU were raped! If i were in your bf's shoes...I think I would totally lose all sense of control or restraint...probably close to the point where "friend" better start fearing for his life. I agree with ihavenoidea..but a shotgun to the face is way too painless and quick... Ihavenoidea: "If this happened to my GF, my friend would probably get a shotgun to the face. True Story" All the best wishes and my prayers goes out to you. Edited June 10, 2010 by suprisinginsight
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