amythan Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Hi, I posted about this guy some time ago but this seems to be the last chapter. I am feeling terrible in a mix of anger and sadness and i do not even know how this could happen. I need someone to tell me if it is me, if am overreacting or if i did something wrong ... I should say that some time ago my ex-bf put the disappearing act on me and he hurt me terribly so this time i was trying to be very cautions ... visibly i didn't succeed I am living in germany and he lives in paris but we work for the same company and team, so this was my first concern. We always get along very well and when we were in the same town we organized lunches and walks. Three months ago he came and something changed, he invited me for dinner, to the movies ... he was all happy giving all the signs "i like you". Then he started to contact me everyday and slowly he start to call me silly names, tell me i am cute, sweet and all the jazz .. I was fully aware that sometimes people just do that because are bored so i was trying to do not get too happy ... And i start to like him more and more ... he wanted to see me and asked me all the time to go to paris. Then i got a minor surgery and he was all worried sending ramdom emails like "write or i get nervous", "i want you happy" .. He told me if i go to visit him when i feel better he will do this and that .. he was counting the days and desperate to see me (his words). I am supposed to go next week (work related but mainly because of him) so i told him i am also counting the days but it is my doctor call. I didn't want to give mixed signals just the truth and even if i never initiated this i was always clear saying i wanted to see him too. So ... my doctor says yes and me .. stupid sent him an email saying that i am finally going and we can celebrate my bday but he has to choose the place I have more friends there i need to organize my visit, and i asked which day he prefers .... NOTHING. NO REPLY. Just a random reply to a work related email which didn't need a reply .. I do not get it, if he is not interested why all this chase. People have feelings so what is the point to make feel someone weak and stupid ? Was something i did ?? He thought i am too interested ? He was just having fun ? I have a life and he is not my priority but i like him and i was just nice and not playing games. Now i am feeling sad and stupid and i do not think i did something so wrong to be treated like that. Am i overreacting ? Thanks for reading this ..
Author amythan Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 Ah and when he was desperate to see me was last friday !!!!
ADF Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 There is probably nothing more shattering than to have someone pull a disappearing act. The disappearing is the most craven, cowardly, selfish way to exit a relationship. While it makes it easy on the dumper, it destroys the dumpee. In my opinion, pulling a disappearing act almost justifies physical violence, morally if not legally. Just needed to get that out of my system. There is no way to know what this man's malfunction is. All you can know is that you did nothing wrong. Ask yourself the following: what excuse could this man come up with at this point that could possibly justify his behavior? I can't think of a thing. He's trash. Throw him away.
carhill Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Probably the only thing 'wrong' is expecting too much out of a LDR (potential at this point). BTDT. I call it pedestal-building. Simply, one's emotions get ahead of reality. A healthy way to deal with it is to learn and apply those lessons to the future. Hope you feel better soon
Author amythan Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 You are right and perhaps i shouldn't expect anything but when i was talking to him i meant what i was saying and i expected the same behaviour from him. I didn't send countless emails or get crazy or anything .. I was just trying to be sincere and nice. And if he changed his mind, fine but a polite reply is not ask too much. I guess i will have now plenty of time to go shopping in paris
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