To the BS; were you stalked by the OW?

June 9, 2010

This is for the BS's, have you ever been stalked by the OW?

While I was with my ex and just after he left, the OW had me followed by a PI, would drive by my house and even once used his key to get into our home.

Once he moved out, I was at his new home and she came bursting in the door and screamed "caught you"

She was stalking his house to see if I was going there. I was with him 11 yrs, you would think that was ok. I was there to pick up my cat.

In any case, she was stark raving mad and creepy.

Then I noticed when I came to his site that there seems to be an element of "stalkerish" behaviors with some OW.

I was a OW back 11 yrs ago, but never stalked her or anyone else for that matter.

It this an OW trait or just the trait of someone who's mentally not balanced?

Your thoughts.......

June 9, 2010

Definitely not mentally balanced, even if it's only a temporary thing. To get to the point where you feel the need to follow somebody is obsessive... and with a PI? That would scare me RD. Did you contact the police? Has she vanished now?

It is creepy. When I was OW, I never even saw his wife. My means of denial of what I was taking part in I suppose. I've still never seen her but would certainly never want to cause her further harm than what I already have by engaging in an affair with her husband.

Edited June 9, 2010 by Hazyhead

June 9, 2010

:bunny:You have no idea!!!!!!!!!!!

:bunny:

June 9, 2010

It this an OW trait or just the trait of someone who's mentally not balanced?

Your thoughts.......

Perhaps a lot of OW are gaslighted as much as the BS. An A is a deceitful relationship, so I would assume since the OW knows the MM is lying to the BS, she has really no way of knowing if she's being lied to herself. I'm sure that could be very daunting. My friend that had an A went a little nutty. She was always checking up on MM, always trying to find out things about the BS. She got tired of her MM's flip flopping, so she sent the BS a photo of her H in a compromising position. Not stalkerish, per se, but definitely unbalanced. But I think she was unbalanced before the A... and her self esteem issues certainly made her vunerable to the A. So I don't know- does having low self-esteem make you unbalanced?

But then again, there are a lot of unbalanced people out in the world that aren't OW.

So if you're asking if the A could make the OW unbalanced, or an unbalanced woman is susceptible to becoming an OW...

June 9, 2010

Nope, I have to admit that in my case it was exactly the opposite. OM (as far as I know) never really had any concern about me or my actions...pre-dday or post.

However, post d-day I was a bit 'stalkerish' when it came to him. I didn't hire a PI or anything, but used some resources and kept 'tabs' on him for 6-8 months post d-day. You know what they say, "Keep your friends close...".

Once I was finally comfortable that he had walked away from the situation, that ended.

June 9, 2010

One of my exSO's OW stalked him, and since this was before cell phones she would call to our house and hang up if I answered. This continued for years and years after he had broken up with her.

He was an older member of AA, and their relationship started when she was a new member. She played on his bad conscience for this to get to him, although she had been the one to pursue him, not the other way around.

It didn't matter that we had child after child, she just kept on going after him with one poor excuse after another. "My dog is sick, and your father is a doctor" was her last try. This was after I had left him, and it seems like finally this time she got the message that he was not interested. After 15 years of trying.

(And their relationship had lasted one month only.)

June 9, 2010

Yes.

I had strange cars follow me, strange cars with tinted windows pull up and watch me at my work, several hang ups from pre-paid cell phones, hang ups at work.

I met my fWS at his office one day, and leaving the parking lot I inadvertantly pulled up behind her. She made a race car move to get away from me, fearing I don't know what.

I assumed it was her legion of girlfriends checking me out and did not pay much mind to it.

I certainly was not a threat to her, as I called her to talk, gave her all my phone numbers, but she never returned the calls.

Within 72 hours of DDAY, I knew everything about her. Since she was still embroiled in acrimonious lawsuits with her xH, perhaps she was afraid I'd run to him? Really don't know.

Some people are addicted to drama, and maybe need to recreate it to keep their lives more interesting or to have others sympathiz with them.

One of my employees dated a MM two years ago. She still drives by where he has lunch to gain a glimpse of him, or dinner, to see him walk in with his new OW.

Oh boy.....

June 9, 2010

She didn't do it herself (at least not in person), she had friends do it. Especially at church. Her friends would sit behind me and speak loud enough about him and me for me to hear them. And it was a different set of friends each time. I didn't tell my H about the church stuff because that would have set him off/really angered him.

She did cyber stalk me, though. She checked out all the Classmates type sites and found my profiles. She checked me out on all of the Social networking sites I was on at the time as well - suddenly befriended friends of mine and asking about me. It was mostly harmless. It was like she wanted to know about me, not harm me in any way. I'm curious in that way too.

When I was the young OW, I would try to get a glimpse of the actual GF/fiance that I'd never met but found out about and ended the R. Usually lasted for about a week, or until I told myself it really didn't matter because it just wasn't worth it.

June 9, 2010

when going through my divorce, I simply didn't want a thing to do with stbXW or the OM. As far as I was concerned, I was working on being a free man and was happy as a clam about it!

But apparantly I wasn't giving the OM enough attention and since I adopted the "better him than me" attitude, he, I guess, somehow expected and wanted me to be jealous of him. So he decides to call me and take a big tough guy posture with me.

I told him that he took out my trash for free....he didn't like that either:o oh well.

June 9, 2010

I told him that he took out my trash for free....he didn't like that either:o oh well.

LOL!! For a quick reply when the OM called you, well said, DM.

June 9, 2010

I told him that he took out my trash for free....he didn't like that either:o oh well.

I love this That's him told!

June 9, 2010

I wasn't stalked by any OW, but I did have one in particular try to get me in trouble. After she slept with my then bf, she asked me to come by the shop where she worked to talk (she had actually been a good friend of mine) and so I did. She was there alone (it was a small downtown shop, not unusual for there to only be one person working) and she tried to bait me into hitting her. She kept saying 'you know you want to hit me, go ahead, get it over with' - and I wouldn't. I knew she was banging one of the downtown bike cops and was simply trying to get me to hit her so that she could have me arrested for assault and battery.

She kept doing stuff like that right on up until she left town. Haven't seen or heard a peep in the nearly 15 years since. Good riddance.

June 9, 2010

This is for the BS's, have you ever been stalked by the OW?
While I was with my ex and just after he left, the OW had me followed by a PI, would drive by my house and even once used his key to get into our home.
Once he moved out, I was at his new home and she came bursting in the door and screamed "caught you"
She was stalking his house to see if I was going there. I was with him 11 yrs, you would think that was ok. I was there to pick up my cat.
In any case, she was stark raving mad and creepy.

Then I noticed when I came to his site that there seems to be an element of "stalkerish" behaviors with some OW.
I was a OW back 11 yrs ago, but never stalked her or anyone else for that matter.
It this an OW trait or just the trait of someone who's mentally not balanced?

Your thoughts.......

RedDevil - I certainly don't know you so I cannot speak to your motives but I do not think this is the appropriate forum for your post. AP come here for support & I believe that bolded section above could be very offensive to many. Don't you think this would be better suited to the Infidelity forum?

June 9, 2010

Hmmmm...'caught you'? Sounds like the MM was doing some crazy, major league lying and gaslighting and was trying to see you both at the same time - and the OW suspected him of this, and wanted to get to the bottom of the lying (but clearly he wasn't helping her with that so she resorted to other means).

Maybe she was a bit loopy, but chances are the MM played a large part in making her that way!

June 9, 2010

RedDevil - I certainly don't know you so I cannot speak to your motives but I do not think this is the appropriate forum for your post. AP come here for support & I believe that bolded section above could be very offensive to many. Don't you think this would be better suited to the Infidelity forum?

Motives? I don't have any motives, but to ask a question.

My topic is NOT about infidelity but about OW. If you're so offended, you always have the option to ignore. Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing

June 9, 2010

Motives? I don't have any motives, but to ask a question.
My topic is NOT about infidelity but about OW. If you're so offended, you always have the option to ignore. Freedom of speech is a beautiful thing

RedDevil- According to the LS guidelines, posts are to be written "in a respectful and helpful manner" and " must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance". There is nothing respectful or helpful much less supportive in writing your original post in the OW/OM forum. If you'd like to review the guidelines, please click the following: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54546/

thanks for the share all.
Wow, there are some mentally creepy people out there.

I forgot to say this, my ex's creepy ow, dyed her hair red like mine, purchased the same car as me and stole my engagment ring the ex gave me and wore it around her neck.
My ex MIL told me it was scary how she was trying to act like me,
Imagine, all this and my ex left me for her.
He did try to come back, but I refused. He tried for 3 yrs to come back. He eventually married her.
Then a few months back, I had someone asked to me my friend on FB. It was a little kid. I thought it odd, but added him. It took me weeks to figure out it was her with a fake profile. She wanted to see my wall
And my ex left me 10 yrs ago.....can someone say "whacko"!
There is more, but you get the gist of the mental illness.

I have a former friend who was a serious serial cheater. She fell mad over some guy at work who refused to leave his wife.
She would drive to his house and wait to see when his wife would leave and then ring his door and want to have sex in his bed.
The extent of things she did was scary.
I was friend with her for 19 yrs and when she stalked this man and his family, I told her "Please, you need to get some help"
She hung up and me and I never heard from her again
That was 10 yrs ago as well.

I really don't see gaslighting as the cause, though GL does/can cause people to lose control. But I think either someone is a nut or isn't
And I believe for someone to be a "happy" and serial OW, you have to be a little off your rocker. This may be why many OW are stalkers.

The bolded section above is nothing other than offensive. You're making an assumption about a large percentage of OW (as indicated by the word 'many') based upon a few instances of personal observation. & your motives/tactics appear to be nothing less than cyberbullying. Again, I believe this is better located in the Infidelity forum.

June 9, 2010

Yes I was. OW had the audacity to come to my home. I got her arrested and got restraining orders in place. Even after the restraining orders, she acted a fool and still does. She has approached my kids and told my little guy some nasty things that he ran home in tears. I'm surprised that with my temper, I am not serving a life sentence but at the end of the day, they are both getting what they deserve= each other!

In reality, she is the one that is serving a sentence being with the cheating, lying, bastard of my exTrash! I sleep well nowadays.

The most painful part was to digest the fact that my exH knew all this behavior and was well present the day that she knocked on the door and caused the scandal and the hardships that came from it. Yet, he decided to go on and lead a life with such a loser! Who would never ever come around my kids, in-laws or close friends. Not sure exactly what kind of "life together" they really expect to have. How can you have a "life together" with someone that you will never be part of truest reality- his children.

BOGUS!

I can go on for days on how much stalking, calling, emailing, showing up, etc... this h8e did. Whatever! God don't like ugly!!!!!!

June 9, 2010

I'd like to make the suggestion that any perceived violations be reported to the moderators. That's the only way to address or solve things if someone feels that a post/thread is inappropriate or violating TOS.

June 9, 2010

I'd like to make the suggestion that any perceived violations be reported to the moderators. That's the only way to address or solve things if someone feels that a post/thread is inappropriate or violating TOS.

I don't see anything that would warrant being reported or a violation.

you got a particular post in mind?

June 9, 2010

Yes I was. OW had the audacity to come to my home. I got her arrested and got restraining orders in place. Even after the restraining orders, she acted a fool and still does. She has approached my kids and told my little guy some nasty things that he ran home in tears. I'm surprised that with my temper, I am not serving a life sentence but at the end of the day, they are both getting what they deserve= each other!

In reality, she is the one that is serving a sentence being with the cheating, lying, bastard of my exTrash! I sleep well nowadays.

The most painful part was to digest the fact that my exH knew all this behavior and was well present the day that she knocked on the door and caused the scandal and the hardships that came from it. Yet, he decided to go on and lead a life with such a loser! Who would never ever come around my kids, in-laws or close friends. Not sure exactly what kind of "life together" they really expect to have. How can you have a "life together" with someone that you will never be part of truest reality- his children.
BOGUS!

I can go on for days on how much stalking, calling, emailing, showing up, etc... this h8e did. Whatever! God don't like ugly!!!!!!

Wow this is really sad. I have no respect for MM like this, to not put their children first. I'm sorry no AP is worth the sacrificing of one's children. I'd drop my AP like a hot potato. My kids are numero uno.

June 10, 2010

This is for the BS's, have you ever been stalked by the OW?
While I was with my ex and just after he left, the OW had me followed by a PI, would drive by my house and even once used his key to get into our home.
Once he moved out, I was at his new home and she came bursting in the door and screamed "caught you"
She was stalking his house to see if I was going there. I was with him 11 yrs, you would think that was ok. I was there to pick up my cat.
In any case, she was stark raving mad and creepy.

Then I noticed when I came to his site that there seems to be an element of "stalkerish" behaviors with some OW.
I was a OW back 11 yrs ago, but never stalked her or anyone else for that matter.
It this an OW trait or just the trait of someone who's mentally not balanced?

Your thoughts.......

No I was never aware of having been stalked by the OW. However she did seem to know an awful lot about me. I attributed this to my fWH giving her information about me. We also got a lot of hang-up phone calls during my H's affair (not that she would have gleaned much from them, other than whether someone was home and who answered the phone).

After d-day I found out as much info as possible about her from the internet. I also googled myself to see what she could have found out about me and was somewhat surprised by what was there.

TBH I don't think a certain amount of fact-finding (by either woman) is a sign of mental imbalance. It's probably natural to want to know a little about the other significant woman in the life of the man you are "with" whether as W or OW.

June 10, 2010

No I was never aware of having been stalked by the OW. However she did seem to know an awful lot about me. I attributed this to my fWH giving her information about me. We also got a lot of hang-up phone calls during my H's affair (not that she would have gleaned much from them, other than whether someone was home and who answered the phone).

After d-day I found out as much info as possible about her from the internet. I also googled myself to see what she could have found out about me and was somewhat surprised by what was there.

TBH I don't think a certain amount of fact-finding (by either woman) is a sign of mental imbalance. It's probably natural to want to know a little about the other significant woman in the life of the man you are "with" whether as W or OW.

I agree! I think it's a natural curiousity to, perhaps, "size up the competition", however some of the stories posted here are down right scary!!!!

June 10, 2010

I'd like to make the suggestion that any perceived violations be reported to the moderators. That's the only way to address or solve things if someone feels that a post/thread is inappropriate or violating TOS.

You may be right, Owl. I have never done that so I thought it best to appeal to the OP directly. I don't understand how the inherent disrespect in placing this thread in the OW/OM forum is not obvious. I don't believe many if any BS would appreciate a "To the OW: Were you stalked by the BS?" thread in the Infidelity forum.

June 10, 2010

Wow this is really sad. I have no respect for MM like this, to not put their children first. I'm sorry no AP is worth the sacrificing of one's children. I'd drop my AP like a hot potato. My kids are numero uno.

Some people are just more of a men/women than a PARENT!

I honestly have no respect for MM/MW and no respect for OM/OW who have the balls to disrespect someone that actually did NOTHING to them. Last I recalled, you stepped into my life... My poor kids. They have been through a lot with this stalking loser. My 15 y/o was once requested by this OW on Facebook. This caused huge huge drama. Police drama.

I wonder, would any OW here say that my kids and I deserved it because MM was the "Unhappiest" cupcake alive and he should be with his happiness at whatever cost? "Who cares, they are not my kids and I don't know his W so F her and her kids"? I see that a lot in these type of boards. People are out for self, not caring who they stalk, drag down, hurt, assault and even kill sometimes. There are thousands of passion crimes every single day.

June 10, 2010

Perhaps I should not even be posting... I was a OW. Did I talk to the BS? Yes. Did we have communication? Yes. Did I stalk her. NEVER. Would I harass her? NEVER. My life is my life and her life is her life. I would never have any desire to follow her, have my friends do such things (and they would never participate in something like that)

I think it has zero to do with the label "BS" or "OW" and has everything to do with the actual person. I am sure there are MANY BS who have the OW followed, harassed, etc. I would think it really depends on the person..

Sick disturbing behavior-- such as stalking, harassing, etc. is a very chemical unbalanced person.

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To the BS; were you stalked by the OW?

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