MountV Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I have been in two serious relationships as of now, both cases a i have been the dumpee not fun!........After first getting dumped I was an absolute wreck for about two weeks until I found someone else 10 times better (my current ex). As soon as this prevailed, within a week she was back begging for another chance! This went on for about 2 months post break-up, but I just didn't seem interested after hitting it of with this new girl. The "new girl" is now my current ex after a two-year very amazing rs. Pretty successful for a rebound! Its been two months since she left me, very little contact and I still miss her like crazy. I cant say Ive met anyone 10 times better than her, they would have to be pretty damn special to obtain that status! So yeah.........healing has been painfully slow. From my past experiences Ive taken to NC and attempting to perceive the image that I have moved on and happy again (a strategy to win her back). This is completely false, I'm still hurting and cannot honestly say that I'm happy atm. Anyway from my experience with my ex-ex and from friends experiences also, I have been impulsed to put forward the following question; why do they seem to come back when your happy again? Does anyone agree that there may be some supernatural power which governs this?
supersub Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I have been in two serious relationships as of now, both cases a i have been the dumpee not fun!........After first getting dumped I was an absolute wreck for about two weeks until I found someone else 10 times better (my current ex). As soon as this prevailed, within a week she was back begging for another chance! This went on for about 2 months post break-up, but I just didn't seem interested after hitting it of with this new girl. The "new girl" is now my current ex after a two-year very amazing rs. Pretty successful for a rebound! Its been two months since she left me, very little contact and I still miss her like crazy. I cant say Ive met anyone 10 times better than her, they would have to be pretty damn special to obtain that status! So yeah.........healing has been painfully slow. From my past experiences Ive taken to NC and attempting to perceive the image that I have moved on and happy again (a strategy to win her back). This is completely false, I'm still hurting and cannot honestly say that I'm happy atm. Anyway from my experience with my ex-ex and from friends experiences also, I have been impulsed to put forward the following question; why do they seem to come back when your happy again? Does anyone agree that there may be some supernatural power which governs this? Hi MountV As I understand it they seem to come back around when you are moving on because something triggers inside of them to ask "What has changed with this person?" or "Why are they now happy with someone else, but we didn't work?" I also think the issue of NC enforces scarcity, and indifference, the fact they they no longer know how you spend your time, and they have this time to realize what they lost. My other theory is they come back to see if they still have any hold over you. Sort of a power trip, then they likely leg it out of there as soon as you are suckered in. It is uncanny though, and it is very very true. If you have ever seen the movie 'Swingers' there is actually a scene where this happens. Best, Sup.
ALombard Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I agree completely with supersub. In my experiences with my last ex ( we were together for 4 1/2 years) every time she dumped me ( i never really dumped her or stuck to it) once she found out I had moved on, was happy, or I just completely cut her out of my life she would hound me about how unfair it was that some new girl, or "dumb slut" as she would refer to them gets to have this new, wonderful version of me and she didn't. We would eventually get back together...mistake. Anyway what I am trying to say is just be happy with the new person you meet next. I gave up two fledgling and possibly amazing relationships to get back with my ex because I loved her so much. This time it's different however, I met a great girl, and I have no worries anymore. She had a new boyfriend after 3 days of being single so I figure who cares anymore right? She did contact me last week saying she missed me and pulled the whole, "dumb slut gets you and I don't it's not fair" thing so I just changed my number. It hurts and it sucks sometimes not being able to talk to her but when you really think about it, would you really want your ex back just because she's jealous of your new relationship?
supersub Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I agree completely with supersub. In my experiences with my last ex ( we were together for 4 1/2 years) every time she dumped me ( i never really dumped her or stuck to it) once she found out I had moved on, was happy, or I just completely cut her out of my life she would hound me about how unfair it was that some new girl, or "dumb slut" as she would refer to them gets to have this new, wonderful version of me and she didn't. We would eventually get back together...mistake. Anyway what I am trying to say is just be happy with the new person you meet next. I gave up two fledgling and possibly amazing relationships to get back with my ex because I loved her so much. This time it's different however, I met a great girl, and I have no worries anymore. She had a new boyfriend after 3 days of being single so I figure who cares anymore right? She did contact me last week saying she missed me and pulled the whole, "dumb slut gets you and I don't it's not fair" thing so I just changed my number. It hurts and it sucks sometimes not being able to talk to her but when you really think about it, would you really want your ex back just because she's jealous of your new relationship? Wow, amazing story Alombard. Whats strange is they change temporarily to get what they want, but once they have in the web again, they revert back to the behaviors you couldn't stand in the first place. Well unless they really want it to work 110 percent. Which is rare but I have seen it happen. I too went back recently. Lasted a few weeks. Same kind of thing. Once you are in, or do something that they even in the slightest do not like, they do a runner. Cos they can! One other thing Lombard, don't you think they are in a kind of temporary insanity when they come back? Not in a straight jacket way, more of a sociopath mentality or funk until you stub your toe the next time. Then they show their true colors and run.
wingman2 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I'm actually one of those rare cases where I actually got my ex back in the past 4 times just by convincing her and changing her mind. Everytimes she left me or tried to leave me I would work my way with her and in no time she'd call me crying telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me. This is possibly cause she never really detached herself from me prior to breaking up or perhaps she could't cause I was always so charming to her. They weren't tricks, I would just twist her reason's around and allow her to look at things differently. The most remarkable thing was that even after getting back with her she'd stay with me months or even a year more. One year ago we we broken up, got back together June 15th and we stayed together 10 more months. Things are different this time however as I've taken a different approach. We've been broken up 3 months now, longest ever and this time rather than concinving her I went with NC since I really couldn't. She put up a front at first and made this about her, then gives me the actual reason's that I'm dependent on her two weeks after the break up when I implememted NC. I've been keeping my distance from her by allowing her to see that I'm not dependent. Funny thing is 1 month after NC she contacted me asking if I've been thinking of her and missing her since she was missing me to death. Nothing about getting back though. I told her I want to see wuts in store for me and although we've had LC she always initiates it and right now I want to know wuts going on. Could I have done this differently? After she gave me the reason's I can see there was a misconception and I know how to talk to her about it. I feel as if I did she would have come back but then just leave me again later which is why I am allowing her to come back herself this time and if she does I will take things slow. I know many say it's not good to give them another chance but I love this girl a lot and if she still is the girl I fell in love with I can trust her, as long as she comes back for me and not cause of jealousy or anything. I'm not sure of her intentions but I would like to just settle it now. She sort of stopped contacting me now. Do u guys think she may have wanted me back?
tkgirl Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I have been in two serious relationships as of now, both cases a i have been the dumpee not fun!........After first getting dumped I was an absolute wreck for about two weeks until I found someone else 10 times better (my current ex). As soon as this prevailed, within a week she was back begging for another chance! This went on for about 2 months post break-up, but I just didn't seem interested after hitting it of with this new girl. The "new girl" is now my current ex after a two-year very amazing rs. Pretty successful for a rebound! Its been two months since she left me, very little contact and I still miss her like crazy. I cant say Ive met anyone 10 times better than her, they would have to be pretty damn special to obtain that status! So yeah.........healing has been painfully slow. From my past experiences Ive taken to NC and attempting to perceive the image that I have moved on and happy again (a strategy to win her back). This is completely false, I'm still hurting and cannot honestly say that I'm happy atm. Anyway from my experience with my ex-ex and from friends experiences also, I have been impulsed to put forward the following question; why do they seem to come back when your happy again? Does anyone agree that there may be some supernatural power which governs this? yep.. it's called the "rubberband effect" and it's VERY common!
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I have been impulsed to put forward the following question; why do they seem to come back when your happy again? Does anyone agree that there may be some supernatural power which governs this? They come back when you are happy, because you are more like the person they fell in love with initially and less like the person they eventually broke up with. When an ex sees you happy, it is like their heart jumps into a time machine and takes them back to when the 'good times' were. They couldn't handle the 'bad times', but they sure do want back 'in' on the good ones. You know what I say about that? They can f*ck right off, as far as I'm concerned. Is is supernatural? Nah, just a shift in perspective. Happens all the time.
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