RedCherries Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I have not posted on here in a while because I was moving on, or so I thought. It's been 4 months since our breakup and about a month since I intiated NC. I however broke it yesterday upon getting curious about how he was doing. I checked his facebook (I KNOW, BAD BAD BAD IDEA) and I promptly froze at what I saw. This may sound stupid initially, but allow me to explain. I saw that he had re-friended two girls that in the past he had cheated on me with. One physically, and one emotionally. This hit me like a ton of bricks. All the nice and indifferent feelings I had been trying so hard to feel immediately disappeared and was replaced by intense feelings of anger, betrayal, hurt, disappointment.. basically every negative feeling one can have. Backstory - in the beginning of our relationship he had one girl he was seeing behind my back, and the other girl was a girl he had had a friends with benefits situation with in college and they still kept in touch and flirted and talked on the phone, etc etc. So once I found out about them, I had asked him to stop talking to them, which I don't think was unreasonable. It took a lot of arguing and hesitation on his part but he finally did it after a few months of my pleading. I should've just broken it off then. Anyway, I also asked him to take them off of his facebook. Maybe it was very high school of me, but I did it and I can't take it back. Back to the present, I e-mailed him via facebook and lashed out so crazily. I feel so stupid about what I've done but that's not it. I also texted him multiple mean, insane messages. I feel like a psycho right now and I'm embarrassed about what I've done and now I feel like he has the upper hand because I fell so low. I just can't understand how he keeps telling me he's still in love with me and that I'm the love of his life and that he'd take me back if I ever wanted him back, but then he goes and friends those girls again? What was the point? I don't get it. This may seem so trivial but it is a big deal to me. Those girls caused my relationship A LOT of grief and I've spent many nights crying and fighting with my ex because of them. I lost so much trust in him and to be completely honest, I never fully trusted him again. I can't believe he'd go and do this. How does he think this would ever make me want to go back to him? I don't know why I'm so angry. Why do I care, right? I'm trying to get over him and I don't want him back. I shouldn't care what he does, but why am I so upset? I'm so angry I can't think straight. I'm not even going to re-read my post to see if it's coherent, I'm sorry.
skydiveaddict Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I don't know why I'm so angry. Why do I care, right? I'm trying to get over him and I don't want him back. I shouldn't care what he does, but why am I so upset? I'm so angry I can't think straight. I'm not even going to re-read my post to see if it's coherent, I'm sorry. You're upset because you're not over him yet
EricaH329 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 now I feel like he has the upper hand Vs. I don't want him back. If you don't want him back, why would he have the upper hand? There should be no 'hands' being played. If you are getting over him, and don't wish to be back with him... then his thoughts and actions do not matter. Sure, they might hurt (because you haven't fully moved on), but they shouldn't play a part in your life any longer. I just can't understand how he keeps telling me he's still in love with me and that I'm the love of his life and that he'd take me back if I ever wanted him back, but then he goes and friends those girls again? You should know that the whole reason he took them out of his life was for you. The minute you are no longer an option (or a factor in his decision making), of course he is going to go back to them. He didn't really want them out of his life to begin with, he did it because of you. I know this is painful, but you need to realize that he is no longer a part of your life. His actions are completely separate from yours now. He is going to live his life the way he wants, and you should do the same.
Author RedCherries Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 Yes, I know I'm not over him. I've been trying, though. I just feel like... well, I'm not really sure. I'm the one who broke up with him and obviously he's doing rebound-y stuff but as lame as this sounds I wish it was with new girls, not those old ones he hurt me so badly with. It wouldn't hurt so bad if they were girls that I had no painful memories of.
D-Lish Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I don't know why I'm so angry. Why do I care, right? I'm trying to get over him and I don't want him back. I shouldn't care what he does, but why am I so upset? Because you do care and you're not over him. Stop looking at his facebook. Delete him! It will solve a lot of your problems. Guys typically regress and try and recycle when they are in rebound mode, because it's easier than meeting someone new.
t0ri Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Yes, I know I'm not over him. I've been trying, though. I just feel like... well, I'm not really sure. I'm the one who broke up with him and obviously he's doing rebound-y stuff but as lame as this sounds I wish it was with new girls, not those old ones he hurt me so badly with. It wouldn't hurt so bad if they were girls that I had no painful memories of. It doesn't really matter if they are new or old girls, it will hurt you and piss you off either way. To which extent, doesn't matter. It is soo difficult to not look at the ex's facebook, especially when your mind is wondering about what they're up to, but do whatever you can to avoid it. Delete him. Block him. So you took a little downfall and sent him some angry messages. Just pick yourself up and go back on the NC road (which means NO FACEBOOK). And for the record, he cheated on you. Let those old girls have the dirtbag! You deserve better than that.
Ilovecake Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I have not posted on here in a while because I was moving on, or so I thought. It's been 4 months since our breakup and about a month since I intiated NC. I however broke it yesterday upon getting curious about how he was doing. I checked his facebook (I KNOW, BAD BAD BAD IDEA) and I promptly froze at what I saw. This may sound stupid initially, but allow me to explain. I saw that he had re-friended two girls that in the past he had cheated on me with. One physically, and one emotionally. This hit me like a ton of bricks. All the nice and indifferent feelings I had been trying so hard to feel immediately disappeared and was replaced by intense feelings of anger, betrayal, hurt, disappointment.. basically every negative feeling one can have. Backstory - in the beginning of our relationship he had one girl he was seeing behind my back, and the other girl was a girl he had had a friends with benefits situation with in college and they still kept in touch and flirted and talked on the phone, etc etc. So once I found out about them, I had asked him to stop talking to them, which I don't think was unreasonable. It took a lot of arguing and hesitation on his part but he finally did it after a few months of my pleading. I should've just broken it off then. Anyway, I also asked him to take them off of his facebook. Maybe it was very high school of me, but I did it and I can't take it back. Back to the present, I e-mailed him via facebook and lashed out so crazily. I feel so stupid about what I've done but that's not it. I also texted him multiple mean, insane messages. I feel like a psycho right now and I'm embarrassed about what I've done and now I feel like he has the upper hand because I fell so low. I just can't understand how he keeps telling me he's still in love with me and that I'm the love of his life and that he'd take me back if I ever wanted him back, but then he goes and friends those girls again? What was the point? I don't get it. This may seem so trivial but it is a big deal to me. Those girls caused my relationship A LOT of grief and I've spent many nights crying and fighting with my ex because of them. I lost so much trust in him and to be completely honest, I never fully trusted him again. I can't believe he'd go and do this. How does he think this would ever make me want to go back to him? I don't know why I'm so angry. Why do I care, right? I'm trying to get over him and I don't want him back. I shouldn't care what he does, but why am I so upset? I'm so angry I can't think straight. I'm not even going to re-read my post to see if it's coherent, I'm sorry. Your reaction is perfectly natural. Even though you might be mainly over him and the breakup this can still seem like a betrayal. This was obviously a very big, important issue when you two were together and I can see how his actions seem like a dismissal of your feelings. When you’re in a relationship with someone you share very intimate moments with them and you create a partnership. Even though you are no longer together it’s important to you that the time you did spend with your ex will always be special to him. Seeing him do things he knows would be upsetting to you is torture because it dismisses the special place you think you should hold in his life. So yeah it’s normal but it also shows why it is so important to keep NC and not to spy on your ex’s life because you’re bound to get hurt by what you find out. As much as that horrible curiosity bothers you it hurts so much more when you pick at the wound. You are better off using all your willpower to not look and keep moving on because that need to look will diminish the longer you stay away from his facebook. I would say for your own sake block him on there.
Cantcope Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 DON'T JUST DELETE.....BLOCK! BLOCK! BLOCK!!!!!!! Facebook is poison! You are only hurting yourself. I'm sorry that you saw what you did. = (
Author RedCherries Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks everyone for your responses. funny thing is that i did defriend him, a long time ago and I asked my sister (who is friends with him on fb and I actually don't care) if I could check his page. She hesitated but let me do it anyway, and that's how I saw it. After that, I blocked him. Only problem is I truly hope I won't feel the need to ask my sister again. I could just ask her to defriend him but that's just unnecessary. I do feel betrayal. I know I shouldn't because I broke up with him and what he does now is none of my business, but it still stings. On a good note, I went on a date with a wonderful guy last Friday so I am pretty happy right now!
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