Lost in life

[Danneth]

Hello all, just thought I'd post here and ask for any general advice people can offer. Basically, I feel lost.

 

I'll start by talking about my job; I won't bore you guys with the specifics of my line of work, I'll just tell you that I'm not particuarly experienced and I'm still a "trainee". Thus, I don't get paid a lot and am pretty low down in the pecking order. Nonetheless, I've had quite a lot of work to do recently, and I feel like my bosses expect me to know a lot more than I do. I've got a pile of work to do every day and due to my inexperience, I struggle considerably. They know full well that I'm a trainee, and that I lack knowledge because of that, but I'm still given tasks to do which in a lot of ways I feel are beyond me. Not only that, but I'm not like the others at my office. They're all middle-aged guys, I'm only 20. They're all extremely outgoing and loud, I'm an introvert (around people who I'm not entirely comfortable with at least). I get teased in front of everybody too much for my liking, and that doesn't help in any way whatsoever. Needless to say, I don't enjoy my job. I realize I'm lucky to have a job in this current financial climate, but it doesn't interest me in any way. It doesn't pay overly well, doesn't allow for much holiday time and generally gives me little reason to get out of bed in the morning.

 

Next up is my social life (congratulations if you've got this far without already falling asleep on your keyboard, I'm hardly the world's most entertaining speaker). My social life is so-so. I've got friends, who I'm lucky to have, but I don't feel completely connected to them. It's not that we don't speak or don't get on well, because we do, they're just at different parts of their lives. University, girlfriends, etc. Whilst I'm stuck in my crappy office job, they're out living life and spending their time with people they love. That's the thing about our group of friends, pretty much all of them are couples. There's only about 2 single people in our group, and you guessed it: I'm one of them. Since they're couples, they don't tend to bring new people into the group anymore, probably because they're happy with the way things are (not that I blame them for that).

 

That's a big problem for me; I struggle to meet new people. Moreover, potential girlfriends. I work in an office full of middle-aged men, all my friends are couples and I don't really do anything else to meet women. If I knew where I could meet new people, I'd go. It just doesn't feel that simple though. I've been to nightclubs a lot in the past, but I never meet any girls who I genuinely connect with. All my friends met their girlfriends via friends or by generally hanging out with them and growing closer. I know very few single girls though, and meeting new ones is the thing I find toughest.

 

Since my friends are mostly couples, they spend their nights doing couple things, and I'm usually the one who ends up sat alone at home.

 

All this is leading me into something of a dark place though. I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm gradually growing more and more jealous of those who do have girlfriends. Furthermore, my lack of motivation for work coupled with the feeling of isolation I have from my friends is making me feel pretty down about my life in general. Pehraps the perfect analogy came last night; I was driving my friend home after we'd been for a drink, and I tried to explain to him how I feel about not having a girlfriend and about how the way our group of friends works for someone like me. After I (carefully) explained it to him, he went off on a tangent and began talking about something to do with his girlfriend. He just didn't understand.

 

It feels like nobody understands me. I'm an island, floating between work and social gatherings, but never truly being a part of either. I'm not saying that any of my problems are impossible to overcome, just that I'm out of ideas on how to do so. Not only that, I feel pretty unmotivated to try and fix certain things in my life.

 

Sorry if I rambeled there, and if you read it all the way through, thank you. Any thoughts are appreciated.

[skydiveaddict]

Dude, you need to join the army. You will be a more confident man and once you've tested yourself you'll see a whole new perspective on life. I'm serious, do it

[TouchedByViolet]

danneth, I understand your situation and emotions. I have been there, out of there and am now back in your situation. It sucks. It can be a bitter loneliness.

 

Change and improvement of your situation will happen but will most likely take time. It is hard to say how long simply because a lot of it (in my experience) has to with luck. You have to be proactive and patient. Patience is a difficult concept to accept when one is in suffering but you just have to hope and believe in a better future. I struggle with this daily but heres my advice to you.

 

Keep an updated resume and apply for better jobs. At 20, with little experience, you will be hard pressed to find a decent job, but it never hurts to try. If possible maybe consider going back to school, at college you can make plenty of connections and meet plenty of women.

 

Find a co-ed sport you like. The exercising will physiologically make you feel better and being in a friendly social environment will help you make connections and maybe meet a girl. Also, the more you socialize the better your social skills become.

 

Now some sad truth. Don't ever expect life to be fair. It is far from it. Expecting life to be fair is like building yourself up for a fall. There will be ups and downs, and some of the downs will be totally beyond your control. Learning to accept and live with the negatives until they can be changed (if possible) is a part of life.

 

In a nutshell, focus on improvement of yourself, and your life situation as much as possible. This will give you a reason to wake up everyday and something to focus on instead of the negative feelings. I feel like I am rambling, anyways hope this helps.

[jean-luc sisko]

Find your talents, focus on your dreams, and find what you're good at.

 

Good luck.