hopesndreams Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 It seems the number of good & faithful women is deteriorating pretty badly . It seems the number of good & faithful men is deteriorating pretty badly too. Women don't have the monopoly on this.
Author ironfist Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 You cant out the cheating aside because it is directly leading to her destroying these families. She cheated, lied to her H and family, is leaving her H to be with the OM, and lied about why they are breaking up How exactly is her H coasting through this? He has no idea what is going on When she spread her legs(sounds graphic but true) for another man, she became 100% responsible for destroying the marriage can i just say, i havent spread anything........we chat and kiss and hold each other.............thats enough for the both of us!
Author ironfist Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 listen at the end of the day i dont love my husband like i should and its only fair to let him go and find someone else who can love him more! i could stay for an easy life and still have an affiar........but i have choose to leave as what i was doing is wrong........ i am not with the other guy i am alone concentrating on being a good mum to my kids, me and the guy email and meet when we can for chats....... i have 2 options stay for the sake of the kids and not be me, not be happy, and by me not being happy will affect the kids im sure! or i can leave now and try to get on with my life and hope he does too......... at least he has had a good 18 years from me, i have tried and tried over the years to make our home a happy one, i did everything to keep eveything together, kids happy, him happy everything! i worked hard at my marriage but because my husband promised time and time again to be more involved with the kids, to be more jolly so to speak and after 2-3 weeks he was back to being miserable, jealous, obbsessed, moody, no passion for me, boring, no fun, i eventually lost any bit of love i had for him............ok ok i maybe should of left sooner, then to be alone but hey **** happens and i met a guy and fell in love before i left........... no one has died, i have lived those 18 years for my family and made my husband happy but unfortunatly he hasnt done the same for me!, i have always been the one to put effort into out marriage , he hasnt..............ive looked after him for 18 years, i think ive done my bit.............. what kid of husband doesnt take his wife out in 18 years? what kind of man doesnt buy his own clothes? what kind of man doesnt treat his wife from time to time? what kind of man moans at his wife for having a night out? what kind of man doesnt organise a day out for his kids? what kind of man relies on his wife to sort all the finances out? what kind of man doesnt take his kids out when his wife needs a break as she has had them 24/7 day in day out? what kind of man doesnt have his own life then makes sure his wife doesnt have one too! yes my husband! i gave my marriage my all, hence him being heartbroke as i did everything for him and look whats happened now, over the years he has made me feel less and less and pushed me to stray.......... he didnt love me either like he should, he was just better at saying it! i know ive done wrong and i feel like sh** but im gonna make the most of what i have now........this has made me change completley, im more confident, im happier, kids are happy, we play, we go out, we laugh, we mess about................we have no money and he is making us sell the house, the kids love this house but hey, whatever he wants he shall have as i would rather be penniless and happy, than worry about him coming home from work, watching me, moaning, having to tell him to breath etc....... if im happy the kids are happy.........and thats all i want! with or without the other guy! x
hopesndreams Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 What kinda woman sneaks behind her husbands back? You wasted 18 years of HIS life. Enjoy the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome).
What_Next Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Maybe I won't be as brutal as hopesndreams but I agree with him. I am going through a likely divorce now and I am sure in some ways my wife might feel similiar in terms of being bored, and not exactly having a fun life. I also suspect her of cheating. I am by far not the best husband in the world but I am also by far not the worse either. What have you done to communicate your unhappiness to your mate? Sorry, but none of the reasons you gave justify your actions. None of them. You have every right to end the marriage, but your actions are not justifiable. You can rationalize all you want, but they just aren't. If I do discovery my STBX is cheating I am going to fight for everything that is mine, and fight I will.
You Go Girl Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 (edited) These types of theads bring out the worst in judgmental people. She said they didn't even have sex, yet she's being sent to the guiotine. Why? Because she found a little respect, happiness, kindness, perhaps, in somebody else. And that, my good people, is the crime of the century. WRONG. The crime of this marriage is that two people didn't communicate, were complacent, took each other for granted, didn't fix it before it was too late. Now it is too late. She is no more guilty than her husband. She had needs that weren't being met and she went and found them. He, her H, is completely complacent from what she writes, and is fine with the status quo forever. He's not a happy man, but he doesn't seek happiness, simple creature comforts are enough for him. Should everybody have to settle for that? I think not. Could she have tried MC, other choices, before giving up? Yes, she could have. But, I am under the impression that she was talking to a brick wall for years. This forum has got to stop being a place to chastise anybody who finds friendship in the opposite sex. It's becoming ridiculous. There is no looking deeper, to discuss the root causes once these relationships are discovered by some posters. One poster even said that she now is 100% guilty and her H is exonerated because she kissed this OM. So now, she must carry 100% responsibility too for the demise of this marriage? Let's get real here. It always takes two to tango. Edited June 12, 2010 by You Go Girl
lkjh Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 listen at the end of the day i dont love my husband like i should and its only fair to let him go and find someone else who can love him more! i could stay for an easy life and still have an affiar........but i have choose to leave as what i was doing is wrong........ i am not with the other guy i am alone concentrating on being a good mum to my kids, me and the guy email and meet when we can for chats....... i have 2 options stay for the sake of the kids and not be me, not be happy, and by me not being happy will affect the kids im sure! or i can leave now and try to get on with my life and hope he does too......... at least he has had a good 18 years from me, i have tried and tried over the years to make our home a happy one, i did everything to keep eveything together, kids happy, him happy everything! i worked hard at my marriage but because my husband promised time and time again to be more involved with the kids, to be more jolly so to speak and after 2-3 weeks he was back to being miserable, jealous, obbsessed, moody, no passion for me, boring, no fun, i eventually lost any bit of love i had for him............ok ok i maybe should of left sooner, then to be alone but hey **** happens and i met a guy and fell in love before i left........... no one has died, i have lived those 18 years for my family and made my husband happy but unfortunatly he hasnt done the same for me!, i have always been the one to put effort into out marriage , he hasnt..............ive looked after him for 18 years, i think ive done my bit.............. what kid of husband doesnt take his wife out in 18 years? what kind of man doesnt buy his own clothes? what kind of man doesnt treat his wife from time to time? what kind of man moans at his wife for having a night out? what kind of man doesnt organise a day out for his kids? what kind of man relies on his wife to sort all the finances out? what kind of man doesnt take his kids out when his wife needs a break as she has had them 24/7 day in day out? what kind of man doesnt have his own life then makes sure his wife doesnt have one too! yes my husband! i gave my marriage my all, hence him being heartbroke as i did everything for him and look whats happened now, over the years he has made me feel less and less and pushed me to stray.......... he didnt love me either like he should, he was just better at saying it! i know ive done wrong and i feel like sh** but im gonna make the most of what i have now........this has made me change completley, im more confident, im happier, kids are happy, we play, we go out, we laugh, we mess about................we have no money and he is making us sell the house, the kids love this house but hey, whatever he wants he shall have as i would rather be penniless and happy, than worry about him coming home from work, watching me, moaning, having to tell him to breath etc....... if im happy the kids are happy.........and thats all i want! with or without the other guy! x Sorry but you are not some noble person who was treated badly and is now just moving on. You cheated fell in love and now you are ditching your family. You can justify it all you want but at the end of the day you are just a cheater also that list of problems you have with your H is nothing. Im sure he can make a list just as long for you. Thats life, nobody is perfect. I notice you said he works but do you? You are suppose to work on these problems with your H not find a boyfriend at the local PTA meeting Your kids will be miserable when they find out and especially with who. Trust me they will find out. Your daughter will blame herself because its her friends dad and if you have sons they will never be able to trust women again. Oh and your new wonderful man, isn't going to be in your life 2 years from now. He will bail, especially when your H finds out( and he will). Oh and you are still with the OM, you are still contacting him and thinking about him. If you ever comedown from your high horse you will see that you handled this in the most disgusting and stupid way possible Yes it was very stupid because you are sacrificing your kids for a 5 minute thrill
lkjh Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 These types of theads bring out the worst in judgmental people. She said they didn't even have sex, yet she's being sent to the guiotine. Why? Because she found a little respect, happiness, kindness, perhaps, in somebody else. And that, my good people, is the crime of the century. WRONG. The crime of this marriage is that two people didn't communicate, were complacent, took each other for granted, didn't fix it before it was too late. Now it is too late. She is no more guilty than her husband. She had needs that weren't being met and she went and found them. He, her H, is completely complacent from what she writes, and is fine with the status quo forever. He's not a happy man, but he doesn't seek happiness, simple creature comforts are enough for him. Should everybody have to settle for that? I think not. Could she have tried MC, other choices, before giving up? Yes, she could have. But, I am under the impression that she was talking to a brick wall for years. This forum has got to stop being a place to chastise anybody who finds friendship in the opposite sex. It's becoming ridiculous. There is no looking deeper, to discuss the root causes once these relationships are discovered by some posters. One poster even said that she now is 100% guilty and her H is exonerated because she kissed this OM. So now, she must carry 100% responsibility too for the demise of this marriage? Let's get real here. It always takes two to tango. No we are saying shes a 100% guilty because she cheated on her husband at her families expense and is now leaving for the other man. You said we are mad because she found some respect? Have we moved to a different universe where hooking up with your daughters friends dad while married warrants respect? Stop calling this a friendship, she said they have hooked up, in love, left their spouses for each other(well her not him), and plan on being together You can try an make this "friendship" as innocent as you want but everyone else can see how horrible it is. bottom line is if your marriage is that bad, divorce first. Heck seem MC, read books, talk to your spouse before you seek some action on the side and trick yourself into believing that this will be a long lasting relationship
trippi1432 Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 No we are saying shes a 100% guilty because she cheated on her husband at her families expense and is now leaving for the other man. You said we are mad because she found some respect? Have we moved to a different universe where hooking up with your daughters friends dad while married warrants respect? Stop calling this a friendship, she said they have hooked up, in love, left their spouses for each other(well her not him), and plan on being together You can try an make this "friendship" as innocent as you want but everyone else can see how horrible it is. bottom line is if your marriage is that bad, divorce first. Heck seem MC, read books, talk to your spouse before you seek some action on the side and trick yourself into believing that this will be a long lasting relationship I have to agree here in this respect...at least put some effort into it. I will say that waiting a while for everyone to know was a little bit more than the 4 weeks my ex gave me and still denies that anything was going on while he was in our home. However; he picked a woman that my son already knew (we were not all friends like you all were), but it did make it easier on the son knowing his dad had a GF (too young to understand what OW and cheating mean yet)......and, like your situation, still denies affair. My STBXH took the advantage of moving in with the OW right away though, within 2 weeks after she kicked her husband out. One other thing that does bother me about the OP's situation and how it came about....this is precisely how my parent's marriage ended when I was 12. The hiding, the sneaking around, the family all being friends....the son of the other family even being my boyfriend from the 3rd to the 6th grade. It was quite devastating to all of us kids when we realized what was going on....and eventually, the man my mother chose became devastating to myself as well as my mother down the road....it lasted a while for her...in love/lust...etc. Very bad situation happened a couple years later, he turned out to be a child molester, cheated on her with other women too and she had to put up with him for many years while he beat her until she put a gun in face one night and made him leave her home. Now I'm not saying that this is how the OP's life will be, but karma is karma.....I am saying that the OP needs to get out of the lust stage and really look at this man and what has transpired....how ARE the children taking all of this, how IS this being perceived....what IS reality versus fantasy and start making some healthy choices. YGG - your situation, totally different.......absolutely no comparison to this story.
bestplayer Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 These types of theads bring out the worst in judgmental people. She said they didn't even have sex, yet she's being sent to the guiotine. Why? Because she found a little respect, happiness, kindness, perhaps, in somebody else. And that, my good people, is the crime of the century. WRONG. The crime of this marriage is that two people didn't communicate, were complacent, took each other for granted, didn't fix it before it was too late. Now it is too late. She is no more guilty than her husband. She had needs that weren't being met and she went and found them. He, her H, is completely complacent from what she writes, and is fine with the status quo forever. He's not a happy man, but he doesn't seek happiness, simple creature comforts are enough for him. Should everybody have to settle for that? I think not. Could she have tried MC, other choices, before giving up? Yes, she could have. But, I am under the impression that she was talking to a brick wall for years. This forum has got to stop being a place to chastise anybody who finds friendship in the opposite sex. It's becoming ridiculous. There is no looking deeper, to discuss the root causes once these relationships are discovered by some posters. One poster even said that she now is 100% guilty and her H is exonerated because she kissed this OM. So now, she must carry 100% responsibility too for the demise of this marriage? Let's get real here. It always takes two to tango. You Go Girl , if cheating & dumping your partner for some one else , without telling your partner the truth is ok with you , it doesn't mean every one else has the same standards . So you are going way too overboard to defend your views to the extent that you are calling others judgemental because others , unlike you , dont condone dishonesty. So if she can't feel sorry for dumping her husband for her lover , continue lying , & act like a victim as you are suggesting her to do , I dont think anyone can sympathise with her . Ironfist , I really hope you will change yourself & might atleast realise that you did treat your husband like a trash for your lover . Take care & best of luck
ComputerJock Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 Instead of trying to work on your marriage you are having an affair. Tell your husband what you are doing, be a good person and admit the affair, then if you don't want to work on your marriage the betrayed husband can decide if he will every let you come back. Your husband is not a fall back, he is the father of your children. Has he ever strayed, I doubt it, you are having the affair. Fess up, confess, and be a good person, not a lying slut.
Windsurf66 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 listen at the end of the day i dont love my husband like i should and its only fair to let him go and find someone else who can love him more! i could stay for an easy life and still have an affiar........but i have choose to leave as what i was doing is wrong........ i am not with the other guy i am alone concentrating on being a good mum to my kids, me and the guy email and meet when we can for chats....... i have 2 options stay for the sake of the kids and not be me, not be happy, and by me not being happy will affect the kids im sure! or i can leave now and try to get on with my life and hope he does too......... at least he has had a good 18 years from me, i have tried and tried over the years to make our home a happy one, i did everything to keep eveything together, kids happy, him happy everything! i worked hard at my marriage but because my husband promised time and time again to be more involved with the kids, to be more jolly so to speak and after 2-3 weeks he was back to being miserable, jealous, obbsessed, moody, no passion for me, boring, no fun, i eventually lost any bit of love i had for him............ok ok i maybe should of left sooner, then to be alone but hey **** happens and i met a guy and fell in love before i left........... no one has died, i have lived those 18 years for my family and made my husband happy but unfortunatly he hasnt done the same for me!, i have always been the one to put effort into out marriage , he hasnt..............ive looked after him for 18 years, i think ive done my bit.............. what kid of husband doesnt take his wife out in 18 years? what kind of man doesnt buy his own clothes? what kind of man doesnt treat his wife from time to time? what kind of man moans at his wife for having a night out? what kind of man doesnt organise a day out for his kids? what kind of man relies on his wife to sort all the finances out? what kind of man doesnt take his kids out when his wife needs a break as she has had them 24/7 day in day out? what kind of man doesnt have his own life then makes sure his wife doesnt have one too! yes my husband! i gave my marriage my all, hence him being heartbroke as i did everything for him and look whats happened now, over the years he has made me feel less and less and pushed me to stray.......... he didnt love me either like he should, he was just better at saying it! i know ive done wrong and i feel like sh** but im gonna make the most of what i have now........this has made me change completley, im more confident, im happier, kids are happy, we play, we go out, we laugh, we mess about................we have no money and he is making us sell the house, the kids love this house but hey, whatever he wants he shall have as i would rather be penniless and happy, than worry about him coming home from work, watching me, moaning, having to tell him to breath etc....... if im happy the kids are happy.........and thats all i want! with or without the other guy! x Extracted from yr first post also i told my husband i could stay with him forever for the sake of the kids but i will never love him like i should, he refused and left..............he thought everything was hunky dory, as i kept the house and everything together but i could never be myself with him, im young at heart and like messing around and i feel over the years he changed me and i maybe changed him into a pair of miserable sods always negative always moaning..... Windsurf: why not just admit that u liked messing around instead of justifying yr affair
Windsurf66 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 You Go Girl , if cheating & dumping your partner for some one else , without telling your partner the truth is ok with you , it doesn't mean every one else has the same standards . So you are going way too overboard to defend your views to the extent that you are calling others judgemental because others , unlike you , dont condone dishonesty. So if she can't feel sorry for dumping her husband for her lover , continue lying , & act like a victim as you are suggesting her to do , I dont think anyone can sympathise with her . Ironfist , I really hope you will change yourself & might atleast realise that you did treat your husband like a trash for your lover . Take care & best of luck I have already reminded her that she is free to give moral (immoral?) support to the OP, but dun expect everyone to do so. My earlier post extracted here to remind her again Although i understand there is grey besides black and white, cheating is clearly black, at least to me but may not be for you or others. I dun believe in not chastising but instead, encouraging/supporting when someone has done something as horrible as breaking up not one, but two families. We all have the rights to post our views here, whether in support or not in support What is left to salvage? What is left is a new r/s that was built on lies, deceit and upon the immense pain of their spouses u can encourage/support if you wish, but dun expect everyone to do so as well
Author ironfist Posted June 13, 2010 Author Posted June 13, 2010 Listen I am not running off and moving in with the guy.......we have known talked hugged and helped each other for 14 months.......i am getting myself a new house and living my life..........alone with my 2 kids, nothing is going to be rushed, when we decide to date like normal people then we will........we are going to take one step at a time.............. also by me telling my husband now (although maybe the right thing to do, and easier for me) i cant as it will kill him and the kids.........and my kids are my world despite what u all think.........so i shall keep it my secret............ my husband wasnt the best, why should i sacrafice my happiness just to make him happy? u live with him, u see what hes like.......he gives me nothing in my heart and i cant live like that! the kids now have a better relationship with him, which i love as he has never had that bond with them etc.........hes learning to cope on his own now and do things for himself........ive always done it etc.......... I feel like i maybe needed someone to help me get out of the marriage, if it wasnt this guy it could of been someone else etc..........i was too weak to leave as i wasnt strong enough............. and believe me i talked and talked to my husband constantly,trying to keep our love together but he is the way he is and is never going to change, hes prooved that over the years! hey and i know what i have done is ****ty but no one knows and i will try my best that they neva will............ x
Windsurf66 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 These types of theads bring out the worst in judgmental people. She said they didn't even have sex, yet she's being sent to the guiotine. Why? Because she found a little respect, happiness, kindness, perhaps, in somebody else. And that, my good people, is the crime of the century. WRONG. The crime of this marriage is that two people didn't communicate, were complacent, took each other for granted, didn't fix it before it was too late. Now it is too late. She is no more guilty than her husband. She had needs that weren't being met and she went and found them. He, her H, is completely complacent from what she writes, and is fine with the status quo forever. He's not a happy man, but he doesn't seek happiness, simple creature comforts are enough for him. Should everybody have to settle for that? I think not. Could she have tried MC, other choices, before giving up? Yes, she could have. But, I am under the impression that she was talking to a brick wall for years. This forum has got to stop being a place to chastise anybody who finds friendship in the opposite sex. It's becoming ridiculous. There is no looking deeper, to discuss the root causes once these relationships are discovered by some posters. One poster even said that she now is 100% guilty and her H is exonerated because she kissed this OM. So now, she must carry 100% responsibility too for the demise of this marriage? Let's get real here. It always takes two to tango. Aren't you judging as well but calling others who disagree with the OP and yourself, judgemental? Speak for yrself
Windsurf66 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 can i just say, i havent spread anything........we chat and kiss and hold each other.............thats enough for the both of us! Congratulations that you did not spread yr legs but just opened yr mouth for yr OM!! I guess an affair without sex.....is still an affair.
Windsurf66 Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 (edited) Listen I am not running off and moving in with the guy.......we have known talked hugged and helped each other for 14 months.......i am getting myself a new house and living my life..........alone with my 2 kids, nothing is going to be rushed, when we decide to date like normal people then we will........we are going to take one step at a time.............. also by me telling my husband now (although maybe the right thing to do, and easier for me) i cant as it will kill him and the kids.........and my kids are my world despite what u all think.........so i shall keep it my secret............ my husband wasnt the best, why should i sacrafice my happiness just to make him happy? u live with him, u see what hes like.......he gives me nothing in my heart and i cant live like that! the kids now have a better relationship with him, which i love as he has never had that bond with them etc.........hes learning to cope on his own now and do things for himself........ive always done it etc.......... I feel like i maybe needed someone to help me get out of the marriage, if it wasnt this guy it could of been someone else etc..........i was too weak to leave as i wasnt strong enough............. and believe me i talked and talked to my husband constantly,trying to keep our love together but he is the way he is and is never going to change, hes prooved that over the years! hey and i know what i have done is ****ty but no one knows and i will try my best that they neva will............ x Alright Ironfist, I guess you have justified adequately and we know yr views and stand. And you would also know the views from those flaming you and those giving you moral/immoral support. Although some of those posts flaming you are pretty nasty, it is always good to see things from opposing perspective, because you can always learn something. What can you learn from those flaming you? - First of all, you can see how bittered some of these BSs are, as a result of their WSs' betrayal. You can also get a glimpse of how you will be like in the future, when it is yr turn to receive what you had done to others. - You learnt that you should have ended a current r/s, before starting an affair, regardless of whether you are spreading yr legs or using yr mouth or whatever means to start an affair - You learnt that yr r/s with yr OM was built upon a foundation of lies, deceit and immense pain to yr respective spouses, and as a result, yr r/s with the OM will be plagued by the demons of mistrust, guilt and fear - You learnt what is karma; cheat and you will be cheated on, judged and you will be judged. Do not be afraid to be judged if you have a clear conscience. Are you afraid to be judged? I opined that there is no point for you in justifying further to those who will never agree with you. Perhaps you can start a new thread in the OM/OW forum, which will be more appropriate and useful for you. There will be lots of people supporting and advising you there Edited June 13, 2010 by Windsurf66
Ariadne Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 i have to remember people break up all the time, why should we stay with someone if we dont love them and plod on just becasue the law says! i need to start living and smile again and most importantly be me again....... xxx Dear Ironfist, (I suppose that's how you must feel now). I haven't read your whole thread, only the original post. But for what I read, it sounds like you are a person with a long term marriage who somehow found herself having an affair, a romance. Maybe because you didn't get to live that as young. I don't feel like you were ready to throw it all out the window, and feel that you still want to be married to your husband. And I don't think you want to have a serious relationship with this new guy. Sounds almost like it all happened that way and you were carried by it.. Your husband doesn't have to fight for the marriage because you told him you didn't love him, in that case, it's up to you to tell him that you love him in a different way or whatever it is. When you say that new guy is your best friend, it sounds to me like your best friend is really the partner of the past 18 years who provided a good life for you and the kids. It seems like you feel obligated to be with this guy because he left the wife and kids after you broke up with him. Good luck with it all, and hope it works out alright.
MsV Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Ironfist, As you can see you're going to get all sorts of 'advice' from ppl on this forum (including me, heh heh). The bottom line is, you need to think of what's best for the children first. You may have had an 'affair' of sorts, which I am not condoning in any way, but obviously you weren't happy to begin with. I have realized, it may be one person who decides to end the marriage but in most cases, it is really both ppl that are responsible for the problems that were there in the first place. In my own case, I never cheated. I simply tried to work on my marriage while communicating with my husband the whole time. He really has no excuses, and he knows this. I have never betrayed him and he knows this. I have decided to leave the marriage because of several reasons and I have tried hard to give everyone a chance to transition. Has that made it any easier? Uh, no. My husband is still hurt, angry, guilt-tripping, running and telling anyone he can so he can get sympathy and generally not using this time to try and accept. I'm not saying this isn't hard for him. He's losing a woman who has given him everything, why would he want to end it? But in both our minds, he knows I have done everything to make it work and given him every chance to do the same. However, as I said...it hasn't stopped him from feeling cheated. What I am saying is, I don't condone cheating...I don't condone leaving one person for another...or having the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) but if you are genuinely not happy and you want to be fair to everyone involved...think long and hard about what you really really want. I believe we can make anything work for everyone involved if compassion, kindness and selflessness come in play. What's done is done, but from this day forward do the right thing. Best of luck
lkjh Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Iron, you can justify till you are blue in the face but it doesn't change the fact that every single one of your moves is selfish and hurtful I don't know if you have always been this type of person but congrats you are now. Stop pretending and just admit that you are selfish. You aren't going to find some magical justification that makes this all ok
lkjh Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Another thing Iron, stop saying that right now you need to do whats best for the kids. YOU ARE CHEATING WITH YOUR CHILDS FRIENDS FATHER You can not play the best for the kids card. Can you imagine how bad this is going to destroy them when they find out, and they will What do think, that you are going to wait a couple years and then starting dating this man openly and nobody is going to know? If you have a son can you imagine what this is going to do him? He will never be able to trust a woman again
cavedweller Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 "The school of hard knocks has no dropouts"....Good luck with your new man...(you are going to need it)....You had better enjoy the relationship now, because, it won't last...He will dump you once he gets tired of 'hitting that thang'. cavedweller
U2RockZz Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 i don't give a s*** about what you and your new found love...but let your H go....let him have his life after complete waste 18yrs ...close that door completely forever....time is essence...do not waste his time anymore
habs53 Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 Boy oh boy there is some bitter people in here. lol. Anyways, in a polite way i dont think you are personaly making the correct move. You married for life, not for part of it. For better or for worst. Now you are having the worst. Be a strong person and fight to save your marriage. Leaving now really is the easy way out. Please dont do it. The effects on the family is awful. Please use your brain and dont let your emotions at this time run your life. I hope you really think about this.
Ilovehimbut Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Ironfist, I have much empathy for your situation. I am miserable in my marriage, and as much as I have tried to talk to my husband (talked, cried, yelled, begged you name it) he will "change" for a short period of time and then it's right back to ignoring me. He is a good man and a good father, but he is a lousy husband. We have gone out alone 3 times in the past 3 years (only after I cried), he NEVER takes my feelings into consideration, ignores me (to play guitar) ALL day/night (I'm not exagerating) etc, etc. However, as miserable as I am - I have NO sympathy for you! I would NEVER cheat on my husband!! We have been married 15 years (together for 19 - since I was 18 - so "being young" when you married is not an excuse for you to cheat). As lonely as my husband has made me feel, and as low as my self-esteem has sunk because of this relationship, I will LEAVE him before I will EVER cheat on him - he deserves at least that from me after 15 years of marriage. So you cannot make the relationship with your husband the reason for your cheating. You could have left (just as I could), but you CHOSE to cheat and for that I guaranty you will pay! Karma is a B**CH! You say you "gave" your husband 18 years - well for 18 years he also gave you the ability to stay home and raise your children (which not every woman can do, and which I am certain you were/are grateful for), but you do not "repay" a spouse by cheating on them. And not to mention that you cheated with a CHEATER! You may think that this man is your "soulmate", and maybe he has you convinced that you are his, but I'm sure at some point in his life he said the same about his wife (only to cheat on her years later with a CHEATER)! I would never wish ill on anyone, so I will say that I wish the best for you and your "soulmate", but you are dis-illusioned if you think that you can justify your cheating, or that your "soulmate" doesn't have the capabilty to do the same thing to you that you have done to your husband, and he has done to his wife!
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