enchanted771 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 So I have been dating this guy for a while, and recently i discovered a convo between him and his female friend. Apparently, they had gone to a movie and it sounded like they were planning on hanging out again. I got so jealous. I confronted him about it. It is his friends ex and she was upset so he hung out with her. Now from the sounds of the convo she was trying to flirt with him. She has also hit up her ex's other two friends. I dont know what the hell this girl is doing, with her " damsel in distress" act to get attention, but I am not gonna play this game. He told me he has no intention of hooking up with her and he wouldnt do that anyways cuz its his friends ex. That he didnt want her to think that he wanted that which is why he left abruptly after the movie. We discussed this all last night, but I am just still very bothered and jealous and feel threatened big time. I know she was trying to make him feel sorry for her on the messages too, and even gave her freaking schedule for next week ugggg. I know he cares about me and doesnt want to see me upset, he was upset that I was upset. He and I have a bond, but seems like this girl is going to break the bond we have. I think the best thing I can do is back off. Maybe I am being too jealous or something, but I dont want to get hurt either. I think the best thing I can do is back off and keep my distance now. Am i being reasonable or am i being too jealous???
JSDR Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Jus be up front with him on how you feel and from there on see what happens... if it still continues you go out and hang out with your guy friends and see what he says about it.. if he trips then he knows how you felt. but mainly up to you if you trust him thats it??
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Am i being reasonable or am i being too jealous??? no, you are not being unreasonable. you think he'd like you spending time alone with another guy? bet not. a big red flag goes up to people who think its ok to spend time alone with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship with someone else.
Author enchanted771 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 no, you are not being unreasonable. you think he'd like you spending time alone with another guy? bet not. a big red flag goes up to people who think its ok to spend time alone with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship with someone else. Oh no, he wouldnt. He hates it when an ex name even comes up by accident. Ha.
ADF Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 You are putting WAY too much of the blame for this on this woman and not nearly enough on your BF. How much of this would he have told you if you hadn't found out and confronted him? Don't some aspects of his story sound a bit too self-serving to be believed? Frankly, I think there is a fair chance you don't even know the whole story. Your BFs association with this woman might go further than you know. Comforting an friend's ex, my foot. Men almost NEVER go out of their way to hang out with women unless they have a romantic/sexual motive. Almost never.
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 "Men almost NEVER go out of their way to hang out with women unless they have a romantic/sexual motive. Almost never." Man hating Has begun! Oh and Op for your health come down... I am just still very bothered and jealous and feel threatened big time. Sounds like you are losing it. Come down, breath and relax.
tonnywillgram Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 i dont think your being unreasonable. this just show that you are taking care of the relationship.
make me believe Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Ha! I love it. He freaks out if you even mention an ex's name, but yet he's allowed to go on secret movie dates with other girls. Double standard much? If it was so innocent, why didn't he mention it to you beforehand? Turn the tables on him, and tell him that you're going to a movie with your friend Brian (or whoever) on Thursday. Assure him that he has nothing to worry about. After all, he's the one who set the standards, isn't he?
ADF Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 "Men almost NEVER go out of their way to hang out with women unless they have a romantic/sexual motive. Almost never." Man hating Has begun! Oh, that's not man-hating. It's just honesty. Maybe you're an exception, RedRussian, but what is said is true more often than not. Actually, I will amend my statement in one way: YOUNG men almost never go out of their way without a sexual motive. Older guys sometimes do.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Oh no, he wouldnt. He hates it when an ex name even comes up by accident. Ha. ok, so he hates just the mention of an X, but he can go out and spend time alone with another woman? I think you need to lose this double-standard jackass.
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 "I know he cares about me and doesnt want to see me upset, he was upset that I was upset. He and I have a bond" He told me he has no intention of hooking up with her and he wouldnt do that anyways cuz its his friends ex. That he didnt want her to think that he wanted that which is why he left abruptly after the movie yes the above stattement by OP about him sure shows bright as day that he is a " double-standard jackass"
hopesndreams Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I think the best thing I can do is back off and keep my distance now The best thing to do is dump him.
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Yes dump him, like if these gender roles were reversed, you would be told that you should do more for your GF and be more understanding and give her space and not smother her.
jnj express Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Hey enchanted---how long is a while, as to the amount of time you HAVE BEEN in your relationship. If it has been for awhile, and IT IS serious---then your BF, violated his boundaries. What is he doing going out with another woman AT ALL---If she has problems let her go to a counselor----if she wants to talk about it with him---fine a 10 minute conversation on the phone is ALL THAT IS NECESSARY---end of their discussion, end of their time together---He spends no more time with her for any reason!!!!! Lay down the law to your BF, about boundaries, and other women---It's a no-no, if the 2 of you are serious NO YOU ARE NOT BEING JEALOUS---YOU ARE TRYING TO PROTECT AND PRESERVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
stace79 Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 no, you are not being unreasonable. you think he'd like you spending time alone with another guy? bet not. a big red flag goes up to people who think its ok to spend time alone with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship with someone else. Thank God there's at least one more reasonable person in the world.
RedRussian Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 a big red flag goes up to people who think its ok to spend time alone with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship with someone else. Yea very sane and normal to never speak or hang out with opposite sex humans when in a relationship or do it but only with GF or Wife present at all time. Red Flag would be a woman telling me that!
Dexter Morgan Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 a big red flag goes up to people who think its ok to spend time alone with the opposite sex when in a committed relationship with someone else. Yea very sane and normal to never speak or hang out with opposite sex humans when in a relationship or do it but only with GF or Wife present at all time. Red Flag would be a woman telling me that! You obviously didn't read what I wrote. Key word in my sentence........"alone"
RedRussian Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Yes I have read alright, as a FREE man i can go ALONE with any human of any sex if it's my FREE choice. I do not lose my basic human rights just because a woman is insecure and has no trust in me, maybe she should not be with me if that is the case. It's like if a woman is insecure, man should try and make it all better and reassure her of this and that and how he loves her and only her and will never cheat or see another woman alone or talk to one on a phone alone or look at one on a street alone.... without resolving core insecurity cause, it will only work part time. To do this for lifetime can drive a man crazy.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 What I wouldn't be ok with is the DATE to a movie. If he wants to talk to her on the phone or email this girl every few weeks, ok. But, going alone to an activity that is normally a dating activity wouldn't fly with me at all. I would insist that I was present at all future "hang out" sessions or let him know that next time this happens behind your back you are gone. But then you really have to be ready to be gone if he chooses to continue this type of behavior. You should be able to get a better since of what this other girl's motives are when you insert yourself into her little equation.
RedRussian Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I would insist that I was present at all future "hang out" sessions Crazy girlfriend Alert!
janie423 Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 I would insist that I was present at all future "hang out" sessions Crazy girlfriend Alert! I think the other posters are right . . . we need to ignore you. You just pick fights, call people names.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 11, 2010 Posted June 11, 2010 Yes I have read alright, as a FREE man i can go ALONE with any human of any sex if it's my FREE choice. yup, that is your right. And it is also the right of the person to whom you are committed to boot your ass out the door for disrespecting her.
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