jacobit Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Hello, I have been a relationship for 9 years. we were both 20 years started. I have been a good spouse to her from the very beginning. Faithful, and always there for her. We both seemed happy. I have to admit though that my girlfriend whines a lot!!! Seriously she whines. She would whine about everything, and everything bothers her, and everyone bothers her (she is friendly though, and has more friends than me). And she is also constantly in pain. And not pain like, headaches or body pain. Im talking about heart pain, liver pain, brain pain, ass pain. Its unbelievable. And she never goes to a doctor, as me( a normal Pearson) goes to the doctor when i have a problem. Anyways, i have to admit that most of the time when she whines or is in pain(whitch i think is bull****), i become very angry and start really CURSING her badly(she doesnt curse me, excpt when she is really mad), i say bad stuff, and cruel. And i said a bunch of times, "we should break up" or "get out of here". Whitch is basically why i have Great Guilt. But we loved each other. we both said it and i believe we both mean(or meant) it. We both done great sacrifices for each other that only happens when you care about each other. So five years into the realations ship she cheats on me. As she said, this guy did EVERYTHING for her, he wanted to marry her, but she coudnt because she only wanted to be with me. We moved on. This year me and my father bought a house for me. And we were really stressed out this year. So we now live there with my girlfriend. we decided that in august we will get married (we couldn't get married till now because i lacked Greek citizenship). In January, we almost broke up because she wanted a "week alone at her friends house", and i said if you leave, then we are done. As i understood she was in this confusing state between me and someone else(remembered from first cheat), which she said it is because she was depressed. Now in May, i find out she is with a another guy. I found out because i bought her a new phone i was checking it out with her and then came an incoming message( This was the EXACT same reason i found out the first time too!!!!!). She was still talking to him till two days ago when i say her in the toilet talking through messaging. She said that they are done and that She truly loves me,and that she is ashamed, and sorry. She claims that she was very insecure and that she only wanted to be with someone to listen to her. So now i have developed some kind of skitzo personality with her, where i am calm and kind with her, as out of nowhere i could start accusing her, and get very angry, and telling her i want to break up. I dont know what to do, as i see that she is sorry, and i would want to forgive her, but i cant. I am very angry. Advise me please.
TaraMaiden Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Cheat on me once - more fool you. Cheat on me twice - more fool me. This relationship is completely toxic. I'd end it if I were you, and get counselling for your own baggage, and leave her to carry her own. How hard do you have to work at this before it becomes even just a 'so-so' and 'kind of ok' relationship? Because the way things are right now, it will take several lifetimes to make it ideal and great...... How hard do you want to work at it, honestly? Because you both have yukky stuff to deal with..... and lots of it.
norajane Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 She said that they are done and that She truly loves me,and that she is ashamed, and sorry. That's what she said the first time she cheated, too. And if you stay with her, that's what she'll say the next time she cheats, and the next time, and the time after that. If you stay with her now, you're signing up for a lifetime of cheating. It's your choice.
What_Next Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It sounds to me like you already weren't happy and that you realized this relationship had issues. The fact that she cheated twice to me is a non-starter. Move on.
chapter44 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 First let me say I am sorry for what you are going through. The same thing happened to me a few months ago. My fiancee was still seeing her ex I should have left the first time but she said all the right things the second time it happened I chose not leave because of how deeply I loved her the third time I was outta there within 12 hours. It was hard I loved her but looking back it was the best thing I could have done. There has been zero contact in the past 2 months and I am very happy. The drama is gone, the stress, the tension, and constant worrying about her and whether or not she is talking to him. Trust me there is no shortage of attractive, loyal, kind women out there who would appreciate decent man. My advice - get her out of your house, cut off all contact, and move on. People will only treat you the way you allow them to keep you self respect and move forward. I know its easier said then done but you can and will get through this as I did. Best of luck to you.
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