TinaniT Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 In Boho's thread, she mentioned the humor was sorely needed. I thought, we could all use a little! So post your jokes, whatever, here to brighten somebody else's day. Youtube: "I Am A Moron" Petition
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 An elderly man in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years; he had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looked it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'
pureinheart Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 An elderly man in Kansas had owned a large farm for several years; he had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and looked it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!' The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.' This is too good....:lmao: FTR we did need a some fun!!!!!
jwi71 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I remember living back in Bali. I was still married at the time. It was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my then wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday". I thought... well, great. So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat ticked off. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Diah said, "Selamat Pagi bpk". Which is good morning sir. She didn't remember either. What a craptacular day. I worked until one o'clock and then Diah knocked on my door and said, "Would you like lunch with me?" I thought about it. Then I agreed...wth, I'm the boss AND its my birthday. We went to lunch at a local warung (street vendor). But we didn't go where we normally would go and ordered beer (!). She said it was my gift and us bules (foreigners) liked beer. Apparently she did too. On the way back to the office, Diah said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. Lets call it a day" She said, quizzically, "To my apartment?...well, ok" After arriving at her apartment Diah turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back". "OK", I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked...
Shakz Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Hell explained by a chemistry student: Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities: 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct........leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
Just a stone's throw Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 (edited) Hilarious!!!! And Shakz! Tooo funny! LS is great entertainment tonight!! Thanks! Edited June 9, 2010 by Just a stone's throw
Fallen Angel Posted June 20, 2010 Posted June 20, 2010 I felt with all the bad feelings and infighting our dysfunctional LS family is going through this weekend, perhaps this thread needed reviving... so here is a funny... lmao They finally got the oil leak in the gulf to stop! They put a wedding band on it and it quit putting out.... :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
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