Aries77 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Hey everyone - Going to try and make this short and sweet...any and all advice would greatly be appreciated... So I'm with my guy 2 years and he is saving up for a ring. His ex of 4 years has turned out to be my ArchNemesis. She tried to break us up, saying he was having sex with her at the beginning of our relationship, yadda yadda yadda. So now we literally hate each other. He plays in a band that has just started playing bars and clubs again, and she just "happens" to show up at them. I knew she was going to be at the first show, and I didn't want to make a scene with her, so I didn't go. She is still friends with all of the band members, and although she "says" she wants to go hear them play for fun, I really think she's going just to make me not go. (We have a lot of friends in common on facebook and I can read her posts to them - which is how I know she will be at the shows.) Anyway - when I find out that she's going to be at these shows, I just want to cry because I can't be there, and I feel like she is trying to steal everyone away from me. I guess maybe I just need a little confidence boost here...anyway, I am with him now, not her, right??? Am I being crazy here?? Or just mentally insane?? HELP!!
phineas Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 How do you KNOW he wasn't still banging her when he started dateing you? Just asking. It seems to me this woman would just disapear if your boyfriend told her to get lost. Has he?
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Anyway, since he's your boyfriend now, I think you need to "woman up" and go to the shows. Just blow her away by your coolness and self confidence. If she's really trying to intimidate you as you say, she is succeeding if her presence keeps you from your boyfriend's shows.
Author Aries77 Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Thanks for writing, you guys... No, he definitely was NOT with her when he was with me. That has TOTALLY been proven wrong and she was totally lying and making up the entire thing. And nope, he has not told her to get lost, simply because he's just too nice of a guy...really! He knows how I feel and everything, and he is just so fed up with her and is sick of her and says that it will just get old in time to her and she won't come anymore. Thanks for the confidence boost. I do need to be there, for my man. I just hate it that she's there. She makes my stomach curdle.
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Well since you asked a question and gave us option i'll say you are....hmmmm just mentally insane thinking a men who plays in a band that has just started playing bars and clubs will not sleep with his 4 year old ex when you not there KNOWING you said "She tried to break us up, saying he was having sex with her at the beginning of our relationship"
make me believe Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 So your boyfriend knows how this makes you feel and allegedly doesn't want his ex at his shows, but yet he still refuses to say something to her because he's "too nice"? Hmmm. That certainly wouldn't sit well with me! Apparently he's not "too nice" to hurt YOUR feelings, but hers are more important because he's not willing to upset her by insisting that she quit bothering the two of you. It probably will NOT get old for her because by not saying anything (and I bet in addition to NOT telling her to get lost, he's probably making "friendly" conversation with her at these shows too), he is encouraging her behavior. If you're going to accept your BF being "too nice" to say something to his ex, then I guess it's going to be up to you. You shouldn't stay away because she's going to be there, but you shouldn't engage her when you are there, either. Just go, have a good time, and show her that she means nothing to you.
Author Aries77 Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 So your boyfriend knows how this makes you feel and allegedly doesn't want his ex at his shows, but yet he still refuses to say something to her because he's "too nice"? Hmmm. That certainly wouldn't sit well with me! Apparently he's not "too nice" to hurt YOUR feelings, but hers are more important because he's not willing to upset her by insisting that she quit bothering the two of you. It probably will NOT get old for her because by not saying anything (and I bet in addition to NOT telling her to get lost, he's probably making "friendly" conversation with her at these shows too), he is encouraging her behavior. If you're going to accept your BF being "too nice" to say something to his ex, then I guess it's going to be up to you. You shouldn't stay away because she's going to be there, but you shouldn't engage her when you are there, either. Just go, have a good time, and show her that she means nothing to you. THANKS. I think I will discuss it with him that he should say something short and sweet to her, like "please leave us alone" or something like that. She has tried to talk with him at the show, but apparently (by my friend's words) my boyfriend just ignored her.
LSNoob Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 BF can't do much. The ex knows other band members, she can say that she's going to see other members, and its a bar/club, don't think he can't tell her not to go there. But I agree with you Aries, you BF should talk to her nicely. As for you, you need to start going to your BF's concert and not worry about anyone or anything. Go cheer for your man up. =)
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Yes, come doting the day he thinks you will not come as always, then get there a bit late so you can see both of them smooching backstage. Then cheer him up like a good GF should.
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Why can't you go to the shows? Just because you don't like seeing this woman? You need to just get over that and show up and deal. Also your BF prob has no interest in hooking up with this chick especially if your friend checked it out. Having exes show up at shows is pretty common if you're in bands and not something you can really control since it's a public place and everyone always knows everyone else. It's actually quite annoying sometimes, not an opportunity to cheat as some people are insinuating in this thread.
Author Aries77 Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 Thanks a lot, everyone out there in LoveShackLand. I guess I just need to get my confidence up, and you have helped me with that! Hopefully all will go well...
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