azzurre Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Hello, I have been married for 3 years, most of it an up hill battle. AT the end of May my husband tried to strangle me, he said i had pushed him too far, there had been no argument only little disagrements through out the morning, this is not him this is not who he is, he says. My question is he won't say sorry, he says he has nothing to say sorry for. This leaves me feeling very confused and very sad and very unloved. Has any one any ideas why he may think this, i have asked him but he wont talk to me about it. thank you
Ella whispers Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 You are fortunate to be here to share your story. I would get away from him asap. Leave when he isn't there. Don't try to understand why, just get away. Take care, I will pray for you.
Turpentine Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 This is a wake up call! Next time, the physical abuse is going to be worse! You have given him permission to do it again, by allowing him to be in your life after the first incident. He will become more violent. Get out before you are dead.
Author azzurre Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 thank you both for your quick replies and your prayers ella whispers. i can understand your reasons for saying to leave, and there is no way i am making excuses or ignoring your views, i asked for them and i greatly respect them. but he is my husband and i want to understand the reasons and why he has no apology. relationships arent easy, they arent perfect, i never thought i was going to have the fairy tale marriage, what i did think was my husband would respect and love me, and care for me, and for most of it he has, so this is why this is so confusing and so hurtful. i can t leave just yet for the same reasons i love him and care for him although the respect is not there at the moment, there hopefully will be a way through the nightmare.
torranceshipman Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) Why did he do it? Because he does not respect you, is a broken person in that he cannot control his anger an frustration, is the kind of man that beats a woman, and he has clear control ad self esteem problems. He is a bully. To strangle you is horrendous and enough grounds to end a marriage on the spot -because, believe me, he will get more physically abusive on a far more regular basis from now on. If you stay, you will be physically hurt regularly and one day, possibly fatally. Can you imagine bringing kids into this situation? Get out now before that happens, because if a man like that is around your kids, they will get absolutely destroyed. Probably he is already verbally cruel to you and your self esteem is so low that you see reason to stay. To not apologize is even more sickening. He has no respect for you and is a very sick man, in ways that no amount of you love, care or understanding could even hope to superficially chip. It sounds like he has a personality disorder which is way beyond anything you can change. He can't change, actually. A guy that beats women is a guy is someone that you just have to leave. Good luck and please consider leaving him as it will only get bleaker and bleaker from here. Edited June 8, 2010 by torranceshipman
xxoo Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 but he is my husband and i want to understand the reasons and why he has no apology. No apology because that would imply he was responsible for his actions. Apologizing would imply that he was at fault. Right now, he is blaming you for "pushing" him to the point of threatening your life. It's your fault, not his. Next time, it will again be your fault. It is part of the abusive script. This man may want to love you, but he is damaged and is dangerous. You can still love him, but please love him from far, far away. I am truly terrified for you. Please leave. This is abuse, not an imperfect marriage.
Mimolicious Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Azzure... seek help. Your H got some serious issues to think that almost killing you is something that he should not feel sorry about. May I ask if you don't mind, what happened the day he tried to strangle you? Why was he "pushed" to that level?
locamia Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 LEAVE IMMEDIATELY!! Consider yourself warned. This will happen again and will get worse over time.
giotto Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 what did you do, according to him, that he felt he had to strangle you to make you stop? Just wondering... it seems a bit extreme to me!
hopesndreams Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 but he is my husband and i want to understand the reasons and why he has no apology. It's all about power and control. Some physically abusive husbands/bf's will bring you flowers, with lots of hugs and kisses and say sorry a million times. While others, say and do nothing, no sorry, no flowers, etc. They are not sorry. They will do it again. Count on it. There are no children with this animal, that's a good thing. Get out now. Work on your self-esteem. Go to a woman's shelter and speak to those that have lived and breathed your situation and speak to the counsellors there. Read up on those that have died at the hands of their abusers. You need to wisen up. When it happens again, report it.
Author azzurre Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 thank you so much to you all for taking the time to reply, all your replies are screaming in my ears. there was no argument on the morning, just bickering, him saying i pushed him too far was the bickering. again thank you all for your advice
RegardingMe Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Call the battered womans hotline in your area. Your life is at risk. If you truly love your husband get help. Otherwise, the next time he snaps, you could be dead and him in jail. If you love him, get help for yourself and you will save him from jail.
RedRussian Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 When he is asleep, tie him up, get a knife and start cutting his fingers off slowly one by one, so he can't strangle anyone again. if he does it to a wife, he will do it to anyone. Make sure it is a dull, rusty knife.
Mimolicious Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 When he is asleep, tie him up, get a knife and start cutting his fingers off slowly one by one, so he can't strangle anyone again. if he does it to a wife, he will do it to anyone. Make sure it is a dull, rusty knife. I couldn't help but to about this. He's such an AGH!!!!!!! Domestic violence really does it to me.
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