davisc123 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 My heads a bit all over the place. I broke up with my ex about a month ago, I have posted quite a bit about it on here. I'm just gonna cut a long story really short. She cheated a while back, and when I eventually found out I initially finished it only to give it another go when she begged and convinced me how much of a mistake she had made etc. A couple of weeks later we parted by mutual consent on a kind of 'break', I just struggled to come to terms with it all. She was devastated but after fighting it for a while gave up for the sake of my health. We then arranged to meet up and have a chat. Since then I decided that I couldnt bare the thought of being hurt again and going through all the pain and so text her calling it all off. I told her we would never work beacause of all the complications. Thing is this was a 4 year relationship, the love of my life. I am feeling better having not contacted her for a couple of weeks but cant escape the feeling that we are somehow meant to be, and am carrying this strange empty feeling around. I know she still loves me. She really betrayed me and hurt me so badly, she knows it and loathes herself for it. We work in the same building and I have managed to sustain NC in the last fortnight by avoiding her, but have definitley noticed her hanging around hoping to bump into me. Today we spoke briefly for the first time - she handed over a present for my nephews bday. I kept conversation breezy and short. She looked sad, as she has done everytime I have seen her. I walked away feeling as though driving her away like this is a big mistake. I know she wont try to contact me otherwise because I basically told her it was over and deleted her from my FB and mobile. I just dont know if I am doing the right thing. Anybody been in a similar situation?
AmeliaApple Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 You are doing the right thing for you, which is the most important thing here. Her giving you a present is a selfish attempt to make you to not forget the life you shared together. She's probably got some regets and confusion herself. Don't give in to being "friends" if you truly want to get over her. Perhaps real, firm, and steady time apart with NC will give you both time to think about whether or not you are "meant" to be together. Pushing her away is the only way you will get your barings. Here are some strategies to help negate her ability to contact you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t233766/. There is something fundamentally difficult if you know they can get in contact with you, but don't...so take their ability to contact you away. It is an empowering step and helpful. If, after an extended period of time, you still think you might have been "meant" to be, then at least you know you've provided yourself with the time to clear your head. Ultimately the time apart will allow both of you to more clearly evaluate the situation. Not giving yourself a good, true break is probably the mistake. Best, A
ADF Posted June 12, 2010 Posted June 12, 2010 I've seen many couples in similar situations, and they never end well. People who cannot let go of each don't one day walk off into the sunset arm in arm. Instead, they battle through a break-up/make-up/break-up again cycle that can drag on for years. And in the end, they're never together.
Author davisc123 Posted June 14, 2010 Author Posted June 14, 2010 well i feel stupid now. I've just found out she is now seeing the guy she cheated on me with. I really wish I never kept the hope alive. Right now I feel at possibly the lowest ebb since this whole thing started. At least it's finally over. I'm just so upset. I feel like I literally cant bear the thought of even seeing her in work now. I'd be happier just to never see her again.
sweets8 Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 iv im the same situation. my partner of four years cheated on me last week. iv had the break up make up break up cycle and now this has happend. i guess this has to be the final one for us but its so hard to let go and so hard not to contact. im in love and i know he loved me but he cheated on me
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ Read this and then decide if breaking NC is worth it. The thread above was written by No Foolin' and his thread has helped thousands on LS. Stay in NC mode!
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