EmHope Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 First time poster here. Been lurking here and there for a while. A little of the background: I have to say I'm no perfect. Prior to this I have broken up with him two times because I thought that our relationship couldn't move to the next level. But he always went back to me. This was actually our third time, I did put everything I have to invest, build and repair our relationship. He's actually a great guy. He's having a good job, having he own life, he loves his family and friends and we can talk and do things together. Slowly, the more I know of him I found that we are quite compatible ... except his temper. But I accept who he is, and try to accept this part of him (sometimes he got mad at little things that you don't even care). We kept seeing each other 3 to 4 times a week. During the weekend he would plan for the day or took me to friend's gathering or something. Our lives are quiet yet very comfortable and I thought I was so lucky to have him in my life again. My world has changed on last Sun morning. He went for jogging with friends and as usual, I was staying at his place the night before and lying on his bed in that morning. When I woke up, I couldn't believe my eyes and I saw something shouldn't belong to me. Please allow me to keep 'what it is' as a secret here. (NOT a piece of lady's lingerie I can confirm you, but that thing leads to the thought of him having sex with someone other than me.) The only thing I remembered was that I walked through each inch of the house, crying and yelling. I wanted to leave that place so badly. I started packing up my things. Exhausted, dizzy and feeling sick in my stomach. I texted him before leaving his place, said "I found this 'stuff' at home. Why you do this to me?" Fullstop. I called a cab and wait. He quickily returned a call back saying he was on the way back and asked me to wait for him. He was shocked and clueless, said he didn't do anything. He was home after 10 mins, went straight to hold me. I asked him to tell me the truth. He swore he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. Yet no one can explain why that 'thing' appear at his place. He didn't want me to leave but nothing I can convince myself to believe him. So I left. Friends of mine said I did the right thing. I made my decision quick, played tough and unconcerned, yet deep inside my heart I was sorrow,rage, hatred, a toxic mix of emotion. The image of him with another girl is just not going away. I cannot stop crying. It's the third day we haven't talked to each other. Can someone gives me some advices? I'm confused and I don't know how to move on in a way I learnt from the past.
ADF Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 What you're feeling is perfectly normal. Any time you split with someone, you are going to have mixed feelings. Part of you is angry, yet part of you misses him. This is your brain playing tricks on you. When we bond with people emotionally, physical changes occur in our brains. Those changes persist for a time even after the relationship sours or that person is gone. It is the same reason we miss people who have recently died. We long to be with them again, even though logically this makes no sense. They don't exist anymore, yet we miss them. The only thing to do is break off all contact with this man for good. No seeing him, no phone calls, no email, no texting. In time, you'll get over it. If you don't do this, you're going to trap yourself in the same break-up/make-up/break-up again cycle you've been in with him up to this point. I've seen people throw YEARS of their lives away in these kinds of stormy, on-again/off-again relationships. And they never end well.
norajane Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Since he hasn't tried to speak to you nor have a reasonable explanation, it seems like your instincts were right that he is cheating. Now, getting your heart to catch up to your head and stop caring about this person who was very important to you...that takes time. Don't be hard on yourself, and don't expect to immediately feel nothing for him. We are not faucets we can turn on and off. Time will help.
Author EmHope Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 He just texted me, and admitted that he cheated. HELL ...
norajane Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I'm sorry. At this point, you just have to ride the tidal wave of emotions and feel what you feel. Stay close to your friends and family and ask for their support. Time is the only thing that will help you get past this. But you can get past it, and you will. Be patient with yourself.
Author EmHope Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 We had an heart-to-heart conversation last night. I didn't ask every juicy details for what exactly happened. I couldn't take it either. He said he was sorry and felt ashame, had no right to ask for forgiveness but he knew that I asked for a closure so he told me the truth as I deserved. I'm glad that he confessed. It's still hurt by knowing but it's better than not knowing. He's not an expressive kind of guy so what he had said had opened my eyes. He admitted that he used to be a player, had been living a life like that but he doesn't want to go back. I didn't say I forgive him. But I didn't cut him loose either. I know I'm pathetic, but this is something I cannot just let go.
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