livinlovin Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I've read on a number of posts that dating a guy who seems too eager to commit turns women off. If a guy is ready to have kids and start a family, is that a red flag for some people? I might think that if I were dating someone who really wants kids and a family, I might worry that they were just dating me for that purpose.
Engadget Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah this girl I'm seeing now seems to want to date after we talked about not wanting a relationship, going so far as saying she's my girlfriend, dropping the L word and talking about marriage and having children. It is a bit of a red flag, at least in women.
Lakeside_runner Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think it may be turn off. As you say, if a guy is ready to start a family and have kids - you as a person are lost somewhere in between. It is very possible that he wants to start a family with SOMEBODY who is not necessarily YOU. I think the optimum would be - a guy wants to have a committed relationship with someone who is compatible and both people take it from there. Starting a family and bringing a child into this world is such a huge responsibility that it can't be done just because someone wants it. A guy should date you because he wants to be with you and not because he wants to settle down with someone.
Nightshades Thorns Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think that it depends first of all how old each person is, not that it makes a huge difference but it is a factor. From a womans perspective: yes it can be a red flag. As with most things, it needs to be a balance. Too aloof is an issue, and to eager is also an issue. He needs to remain engaging to her without smothering I think the best way it can be approached in the beginning of a relationship, if the guy wants to address it, or she asks....is to say that "someday/eventually I want to get married and have kids" Thay way she know his long term goals but also lets her know that its not a rush order.
ADF Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Actually, it seems like th the opposite problem is much more prevelant. It seems like there are tons of posts on LS by women who wonder why their BFs of 5, 6, or 7 years won't propose. It seeme like there are tons more by women who want a BF, but can't meet guys who want anything beyond quick hook ups and FWB.
Stung Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Is commitment and family what YOU want, OP? Are you involved with an actual man whom you think is rushing things because he just wants the family package, or is this hypothetical?
make me believe Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It depends on the circumstances. If the guy seems eager to settle down with anyone who is willing to, that's bad. If he just knows that he wants marriage/kids soon and is up front about that in order to test compatability, that is ok.
Bogo123 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah this girl I'm seeing now seems to want to date after we talked about not wanting a relationship, going so far as saying she's my girlfriend, dropping the L word and talking about marriage and having children. It is a bit of a red flag, at least in women. lol same here with the girl im seeing right now
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I've read on a number of posts that dating a guy who seems too eager to commit turns women off. If a guy is ready to have kids and start a family, is that a red flag for some people? I might think that if I were dating someone who really wants kids and a family, I might worry that they were just dating me for that purpose. Nothing like being wanted for your DNA.... All kidding aside I realize there are those who want to get married and have kids....
RedRussian Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 The problem OP has is that she does not know what she wants, she thought she wanted jerks/players but now she got burned and is confused, so when a "nice guy" comes along she is all hostile to him and looks down on him because he is showing his hand early ( crazy hand or sane matters not ). She should just friend zone the guy and get back with her ex.
Author livinlovin Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Actually, this is just a hypothetical question. I noticed a few posts recently where women seemed to be turned off that the guy really wanted commitment and family, and that seems like a huge turn from the normal posts of women complaining that they can't get their guy to commit. It seemed counterintuitive to me.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I've read on a number of posts that dating a guy who seems too eager to commit turns women off. If a guy is ready to have kids and start a family, is that a red flag for some people? I might think that if I were dating someone who really wants kids and a family, I might worry that they were just dating me for that purpose. That's a rather big generalization. I think it's fair to ask a girl what her ideals are early in a realtionship. But a guy should take the cues from that and at most speak hypothetically about his ideals with an nu-named woman. If a dude comes on heavy about his desire to skip normal courtship and go get hitched and have a bunch of kids, he's truly making a new aquaintance all about him and that I think should turn anyone off.
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