cdubs32 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 So I met a girl on match.com. I've done a lot of dating online in the last year or so. We've been out 3 times and it's gone well. First two dates just met for drinks and talked for about 5 hours both times. She asked me to talk her home and we made out quite a bit after the 2nd date. 3rd date she invited me to go to a ball game with her and 2 of her friends. Now this girl usually waits almost a full day to return my phone call, and I get annoyed by it. After the third date, it ended a little awkwardly (said goodbye on a subway train full of people, both of us tired, she wasn't feeling well). She then texted me later that night when she got home, thanked me for coming out and apologized for ending the date early (10:30 wasn't early to me, but ok). I then asked her if she'd like to go out again. She responded that "If you can be patient with my schedule I can take her out again. I'm a slow dater. I'm not conventional, but I'm not in a rush". So I waited about six days to call her, and it's been now two full days since and she hasn't called me back. What is going on? I like her, she seems great, I'm confident that she would just tell me if she didn't want to see me again as we've both talked about how we hate the "ignore rejection" and she knows I wouldn't put up a fight if she decided to end it. I'm trying to be flexible about her schedule, and I'm trying not to be demanding. I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship starting tomorrow or asap with her, but I wish I got to see her more than just once every 10 days. Pile on top she takes a long time to return my calls. It's annoying. I'm starting to think that either she's not that into me or I'll hardly ever get to see this girl. That's not my idea of a good potential relationship. You gotta have face time. I want to talk to her about this but I don't know how to do so without seeming irrational or inflexible. I want to see her, but this lack of contact and communication is just really frustrating. Advice welcomed.
ADF Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It sounds to me like you may be working yourself into a lather over nothing. Everything you described points to this woman being genuinely interested in you. Don't read so much into her not calling you back right away. Some people just don't believe in dropping everything to answer a text or cell phone call. If her usual habit was to respond right away, then she suddenly stopped doing that, I might worry. But it doesn't sound to me like anything odd is going on here. Talk to her about how you might be able to amek more time for each other. I bet she'll want to.
Bogo123 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I'd say wait a few more days and instead of calling, try texting. It takes more work to pick up the phone and call. Perhaps she's not a phone person? If she doesn't respond to the text, i'd move on. She may have been into you, but maybe there's someone else.
USMCHokie Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) This is what we would call emotional incompatibility. The two of you have different expectations as to appropriate frequency of correspondence. ADF, you say that some people don't respond right away...that's fine...but 2 days...? That's not lack of interest, that's lack of courtesy... A girl only gets one voicemail from me. If she never returns my call, then so be it. Next. She responded that "If you can be patient with my schedule I can take her out again. I'm a slow dater. I'm not conventional, but I'm not in a rush". Bahahahahaha. What the hell is this? My response would be, "Ok, thanks...you let me know... Meanwhile, I'll be seeing other women..." She's not interested, dude...if she was, you wouldn't have pulled this bullsh*t line and would have made room in her schedule for you... Edited June 8, 2010 by USMCHokie
RedRussian Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 First problem bro is this: "3rd date she invited me to go to a ball game with her and 2 of her friends." So she wanted to show you to her friends because she was on a fence with you, after their verdict, you got canned early. Second: If you can be patient with my schedule I can take her out again. I'm a slow dater. I'm not conventional, but I'm not in a rush". Now she is avoiding you, know this, if girl likes you she would make time for you and will contact or reply to your words and that is a fact. Cut your loses and move on bro.
daphne Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Oy vay. Everyone's of the mindset that if you're not in a relationship by date 3 that the other person's just not that into you. She said she's not in a rush. That means she's a slow dater. She wants to take her time and get to know you. IF you can't deal with your anxiety and just chill, then you should move on. Or relax and just wait for it to happen or not. Over analyzing if she's really into you and having too high of expectations of her response time is going to kill it one way or the other. Early on, people are still trying to juggle a million other responsibilities they had before they met you. Give her some breathing room and cut her some slack. Give it a few weeks and if it's not improving then revisit.
RedRussian Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 mishigina. I bet all of my Men money on that she is getting out of dodge...oh shoot, the firsr rule of Men money...is you don't talk about the Men money.....got a run....
USMCHokie Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 Oy vay. Everyone's of the mindset that if you're not in a relationship by date 3 that the other person's just not that into you. She said she's not in a rush. That means she's a slow dater. She wants to take her time and get to know you. IF you can't deal with your anxiety and just chill, then you should move on. Or relax and just wait for it to happen or not. Over analyzing if she's really into you and having too high of expectations of her response time is going to kill it one way or the other. Early on, people are still trying to juggle a million other responsibilities they had before they met you. Give her some breathing room and cut her some slack. Give it a few weeks and if it's not improving then revisit. And this is why you're also seeing other people in the meantime...the world doesn't stop for one person who wants to take her time...
Author cdubs32 Posted June 10, 2010 Author Posted June 10, 2010 Oy vay. Everyone's of the mindset that if you're not in a relationship by date 3 that the other person's just not that into you. She said she's not in a rush. That means she's a slow dater. She wants to take her time and get to know you. IF you can't deal with your anxiety and just chill, then you should move on. Or relax and just wait for it to happen or not. Over analyzing if she's really into you and having too high of expectations of her response time is going to kill it one way or the other. Early on, people are still trying to juggle a million other responsibilities they had before they met you. Give her some breathing room and cut her some slack. Give it a few weeks and if it's not improving then revisit. I appreciate the insight. One thing I guess I didn't realize until now is that she has been out of town for business since Monday night. I could understand if she hasn't contacted me because of that. But let me ask you this: At what point is it her being a slow dater and not returning my call after 4 days now, and at what point is it just rude and/or she's blown me off and doesn't have the decency to tell me. It's thursday, I called her last on Sunday, I'm giving her a call tonight. If she doesn't answer, I won't leave a message and I'll be done. If she does answer, I'll be diplomatic, but I'll tell her that this isn't what I have in mind in terms of just dating, as I find her lack of response to my call discouraging and makes me question her intentions and that I don't think we're a good fit. We're obviously looking for different things. I don't need to see her/talk to her everyday, but I feel like almost 2 weeks is a long time not to talk to someone you have supposed interest in. If she was interested, she would be worried about discouraging me from not returning my call, and she would WANT to talk to me. I don't think she understands what she's doing is discouraging or she's not interested. Either way, it's a deal breaker.
Confusedalways Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I appreciate the insight. One thing I guess I didn't realize until now is that she has been out of town for business since Monday night. I could understand if she hasn't contacted me because of that. But let me ask you this: At what point is it her being a slow dater and not returning my call after 4 days now, and at what point is it just rude and/or she's blown me off and doesn't have the decency to tell me. It's thursday, I called her last on Sunday, I'm giving her a call tonight. If she doesn't answer, I won't leave a message and I'll be done. If she does answer, I'll be diplomatic, but I'll tell her that this isn't what I have in mind in terms of just dating, as I find her lack of response to my call discouraging and makes me question her intentions and that I don't think we're a good fit. We're obviously looking for different things. I don't need to see her/talk to her everyday, but I feel like almost 2 weeks is a long time not to talk to someone you have supposed interest in. If she was interested, she would be worried about discouraging me from not returning my call, and she would WANT to talk to me. I don't think she understands what she's doing is discouraging or she's not interested. Either way, it's a deal breaker. That is rude. If it were me and I GENUINELY wanted to take it slow, I would have called you back within 2 days, and set something up for a date later in time than normal. However, not calling you back really is not cool. Move on.
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