turnstone Posted June 13, 2010 Posted June 13, 2010 Thanks Gman for the awesome wording. I think I'll phrase it just like that when she calls to ask what she needs to do to get back in the house. Turnstone, I read owl's story (thanks, owl, for sharing!) but I can't Spark1111's. Where is it posted? JP, here is Spark's profile, many of her posts bear reading. How do you know she's going to call and ask that? And how come she's not already in the house? And more relevantly, where is she and who is she with? I would be seriously looking to cut away at this point. There would be no harm in at least asking around for a recommendation for a good divorce lawyer if you haven't already.
mryzenga Posted June 14, 2010 Posted June 14, 2010 Put your foot down. There is no room for exploring. If she doesn't want it to work, then let her leave and take full custody of the kids. Sounds like she may not be truly ready for you or her family. That's a shame. IMO I would have a hard time believing there was no sex involved. Find the right time and ask her again. But be prepared, because the truth may hurt. My W cheated on me for 2 1/2 yrs. I found out about it in 11/09. We're still living together and trying to make it work. It's tough, some days are way better than others. But I do know if her affair wasn't completely over or if she wasn't ready to recommit, we'd be done. She now realizes what she now has or could be losing – a good husband. Good luck and don't loose hope of your marriage or respect for yourself!
stupi Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 Your story sounds like what I have just put my H through. I was on this site trying to figure out how to totally make this up to him. Sorry if I don't know all the abbreviations, this is my first post. I can't say that your wife did not have a PA, but in my case I did not, but it was an EA on my part and I truly did not know how to deal with the feelings. I came clean to my H b4 anything really happened and I did this because I realized I didn't want some other person to touch me or see me. After 14 years together and raising 4 kids I wanted my H to be the only one. I just turned 40 and not that that is an excuse but I did not handle it well. I had a fight with my H and the OM knew this. He became very supportive and started telling me things my husband should have like how pretty I was, how much fun I was and that I really turned him on. He also told me that him and his W only lived together. He called her Satan and not just to me but to everyone. He gave me the impression he was totally unhappy and just waiting until their youngest son graduated high school. The entire time I wished my H would have said those things to me. I'm telling you this because maybe that is what she is missing. Everyone needs to feel special. We get so busy being moms and wives and taking care of everyone else that we sometimes forget our needs and we forget the needs of our spouses. I wasn't telling my H how special he was. We were still having a good sex life but the emotional part wasn't there in the every day. So it wasn't about sex and not every A is. With all that said my H is the one who ended the EA because I couldn't walk away. Don't know why stupidity I guess. He called the OM and then called his Wife. He then told me no contact. I have not seen the OM or spoken to him since that day (I did call him and warn him that my H might call his W) in which he wanted to see me and wanted me to back up his story, I said NO and I do not regret that at all. I have spent the last 6 weeks talking to my H the way I was the OM and can say I am totally in love with him again and am looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. I truly regret what I did and if I could go back it would not happen. We are really getting to know each other. I choose to put all my effort into my marriage. I know my husband is still hurt but I truly know he loves me(which I didn't until this) and we will work this out. If your W cares about you and the marriage she will stay away from the OM. She doesn't need to find out if there is anything there. So NO do not accept this behavior. Tell her it's you or him. To me it sounds like she wants both her cake and eat it too and I'm speaking from experience. For me there was no choice, I knew I wanted my husband and my marriage. Good luck to you.
jmargel Posted June 18, 2010 Posted June 18, 2010 JP, Not trying to be mean here.. but does your piss smell good when you roll over and piddle on yourself when it comes to her? I mean, talk about allowing yourself to be disrespected! She has no respect for you and it sounds like you have none for yourself. Her immaturity and selfishness comes from deep rooted issues that need to be fixed before she as a person changes. Even if this 'relationship' w/ this other guy falls through it will only be a matter of months before she is after someone else. She would be more than happy to keep you by her side, because you are the safety net. Good chance you aren't the first guy she has done this to. Women with attention issues are women that you need to stay away from until they get them resolved. Your children should be your focus. File for divorce and try to get as much custody as you can with your kids.
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