Spinning Head Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 My 8 year old daughter complains constantly to the point that I just cannot handle it anymore. This summer has already started off poorly in that she complains every morning, every afternoon and every night about the summer daycare facility that she attends and has attended for two years. There is nothing wrong with the facility and her brother attends it full-time. Once she arrives (and finishes crying), she does fine. I never receive any calls from the facility or complaints from any of the providers. I am completely exhausted by her complaints and crying. Bottom line, she doesn't want to go and there is no other option available. I'd appreciate any comments/advice/suggestions. I'm at the point wherein I either want to punish her for her complaining!
Art_Critic Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Maybe she isn't being treated properly by some of the daycare workers or another student.. bully I remember back in the day when I was a Step Dad she was put in a summer daycare school and complained about it.. once we took her seriously about what was happening we changed schools and everything was fine.. Have a talk with her.. find out why she doesn't like going.. is it another kid in class bullying her ? or the teachers being mean to her ?
Green Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 My parents sent me to sleep away camp for the summer. A bus picked you up and drove you away deep into the forest by a lake. I didn't seem my parents until the end of the summer. I slept in a dirty cabin infested by "wolf spiders" and swam in the river infested with leeches. I got to shoot a bow and arrow and even an air rifle. We had camp olympics and even competed in different sports against other area camps.
califnan Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I am completely exhausted by her complaints and crying. Bottom line, she doesn't want to go and there is no other option available. QUOTE] ---------------------- What Are her complaints..
Author Spinning Head Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 She never complains about her day there. Her complaints are that she has to go because most of her friends at school have stay at home moms so her friends don't attend a daycare facility during the summer. Mind you, she also goes to this facility after school and has been going for three years. So, this isn't her first summer at the facility and everyone knows her. She started complaining about going there after school months ago. She's increased the complaints since she got out of school two weeks ago. Her last day of school was a half day. She started crying in her classroom because I took her to the daycare place the rest of the day. She wanted to go to work with me, etc. - she can't. Yesterday, it was crying when she got to the daycare facility, complaining about it when I picked her up from art class and complaining when I put her to bed. She doesn't want to go. I'm not aware of any reason except she doesn't want to go - she'd rather I hire a teenager to stay home with her or let her go to work with me. Neither of those options are feasible. She will attend some camps this summer and we'll go on a vacation so, in reality, she'll only be at the facility about two weeks of every month. I realize that she's at an age when her life revolves around her and no one else. But, the non-stop whining and complaining is really getting to me.
turnera Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It's possible she's just jealous of her friends. It's also possible that something has CHANGED there, and she no longer feels safe. If it were my kid, I'd take her to a therapist and tell the therapist what's going on, and see if she can get to the bottom of it.
Stung Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 It's hard to say, it's possible she's feeling out of line with her friends, feeling jealous of their different lifestyles. It's possible she's having trouble adjusting socially somehow. It's possible she's having tantrums to try to force you into going her way...but...is that her usual modus operandi? If my child was crying and complaining about a situation to that degree, major alarm bells would be ringing for me. I'd be wondering if something inappropriate or harmful could be happening, that she was unable to articulate but was desperate to avoid. Not to alarm you overmuch but when I was being molested as a child I never told my parents or anyone until much much later, because I was afraid and ashamed and couldn't bring myself to tell the truth of the situation. Maybe that makes me paranoid now but I'd be way concerned if my stepdaughter was reacting in the ways you described to any camp or care situation. I second the above posters recommendation of a therapist, trained to communicate with children. And in deference to her anxiety about the daycare situation, considering looking into alternative care for BOTH kids.
linwood Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 How much time do you spend with her? I mean one on one time she can call her own. It sounds that maybe she`s just craving a little attention from what you`ve written here. Sounds like personal attention from you is what she`s craving (wanting to go to work with you and such) Girls can be high maintenance and their needs seems to fluctuate a lot.
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I have mixed feelings about your situation. I absolutely can't stand it when children misbehave - complain, act spoiled, are disrespectful, etc. For that reason alone, I would not be quick to give in to your daughter and find an alternate care solution. However, if she was previously happy at the facility and is now complaining about it, I would wonder if there is a problem there. It's not easy to understand a child's reasoning for not telling us of a problem even when we give them every opportunity to do so, but it happens. In your situation, I think I would look into the posibility of your daughter staying at the home of one of her friends. If there is a problem at the facility, be it another child, a teacher, some other staff, etc. she may not open up about it until she is safely away from it.
sally4sara Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 How old is your son and can he stick by her for one day to see what has changed that has her so adamantly against being there? The only time I remember crying much about going somewhere, it was because someone was hurting me. It was around that age and I couldn't really articulate my fears well to my mother so she ignored it - for three years! I'm not trying to say that has to be what is going on, but what if it is? My first attempts were promises that I'd stay out of her hair if she took me to her work instead.
doublescorpio Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 Mind you, she also goes to this facility after school and has been going for three years. So, this isn't her first summer at the facility and everyone knows her. She started complaining about going there after school months ago. She's increased the complaints since she got out of school two weeks ago. As a child that started complaining/crying about school close to her age, I hope I can give some insight. I used to love school and the summer daycare, I looked forward to seeing everyone and the activities. However over time my self confidence started eroding (due to my ADD and frequent distractions) I had a tougher time socializing. I became more shy, but also I was a very independent child and hated having someone constantly direct me form one thing to another. The rigidity drove me nuts, as other kids seemed incapable of entertaining themselves and would get bored/irritated when left without direction. I on the other hand could entertain myself and always find something to busy myself with. I would be in the middle of a perfectly productive activity and they would rip me away from it to do something else I didn't want to do. It sucked and I hated them for it. I would come home and cry too, sometimes for half an hour, I'd complain then I'd be fine afterwards. My mom knew I was venting and tolerated it for a while, then she got too irritated to handle it. She spoke to my teachers who called me 'reluctant and shy', she put two and two together and ended up moving me into a more self directed program where I had more responsibility. In my case it was a drama and arts camp and I loved it. She may feel left out because her friends do other things during the day, and possibly together without her. But I don't think that is the case. She also may be misunderstanding what is happening, and is thinking that her friend's mothers love them more for staying at home. As silly as that sounds, it is possible. My mom used to work night shifts when I was 8-10 years old, I would come home for school, she'd feed us then have to leave. I used to stand at the window and I cried as I watched her drive away into the night. I thought maybe she didn't want to be around me and my sister. At one point she explained why she had to work and that she did not love me any less, and I understood from that point on. I don't think you can just get her to 'stop' per se, a change may be in order. Hopefully the above personal account helps.
turnera Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 How much time does she get with you, that doesn't involve making dinner or doing chores? How much time does she get with her friends? Have you looked into paying one of her friend's mothers to let her stay with her for the summer? We had one girl stay with us after school every day for an entire year - unpaid - until it got to where the mother was picking her up at 9pm, 10pm, 11pm instead of 6pm, and I said something, and she yanked her daughter out of our house like I had attacked her or something. Nevertheless, maybe that could be a good compromise. I do know that my daughter really really wanted to be a 'normal' kid who got to stay at home for the summer. But I would still try to get to the bottom of WHY she's really saying this, in case there's a problem at the school. As everyone has said, it's really hard for an 8 year old to clarify WHY they are upset.
whichwayisup Posted June 15, 2010 Posted June 15, 2010 She never complains about her day there. Her complaints are that she has to go because most of her friends at school have stay at home moms so her friends don't attend a daycare facility during the summer. Mind you, she also goes to this facility after school and has been going for three years. So, this isn't her first summer at the facility and everyone knows her. She started complaining about going there after school months ago. She's increased the complaints since she got out of school two weeks ago. She's telling you in her own way, that she needs a break from it. Sure it helps you, her being there, but how about asking one of her school friends parents if she could go spend 2 days a week at their house? Offer to invite the kid back for a sleepover on the weekend. Change it up. She is sick of the routine and being away from home. This is more than being a pain in the ass, complaining alot. She has a valid reason to cry out and be upset. She needs downtime. Is it possible to enroll her somewhere else in afew weeks? Maybe a tennis camp or another sport that she might enjoy? Or drama. Anyway, she is telling you in her own way she misses you and needs to spend time with you, at home and with the family.
fooled once Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 She never complains about her day there. Her complaints are that she has to go because most of her friends at school have stay at home moms so her friends don't attend a daycare facility during the summer. Mind you, she also goes to this facility after school and has been going for three years. So, this isn't her first summer at the facility and everyone knows her. She started complaining about going there after school months ago. She's increased the complaints since she got out of school two weeks ago. Her last day of school was a half day. She started crying in her classroom because I took her to the daycare place the rest of the day. She wanted to go to work with me, etc. - she can't. Yesterday, it was crying when she got to the daycare facility, complaining about it when I picked her up from art class and complaining when I put her to bed. She doesn't want to go. I'm not aware of any reason except she doesn't want to go - she'd rather I hire a teenager to stay home with her or let her go to work with me. Neither of those options are feasible. She will attend some camps this summer and we'll go on a vacation so, in reality, she'll only be at the facility about two weeks of every month. I realize that she's at an age when her life revolves around her and no one else. But, the non-stop whining and complaining is really getting to me. I actually would have one last heart to heart -- explain why she can't stay home. Let her know you are DONE with the whining and if it continues, she will stay inside after you get home and you will continue this with her until she stops. I have mixed feelings about your situation. I absolutely can't stand it when children misbehave - complain, act spoiled, are disrespectful, etc. For that reason alone, I would not be quick to give in to your daughter and find an alternate care solution. However, if she was previously happy at the facility and is now complaining about it, I would wonder if there is a problem there. It's not easy to understand a child's reasoning for not telling us of a problem even when we give them every opportunity to do so, but it happens. In your situation, I think I would look into the posibility of your daughter staying at the home of one of her friends. If there is a problem at the facility, be it another child, a teacher, some other staff, etc. she may not open up about it until she is safely away from it. I agree with most of this EXCEPT by changing places or staying at friends, it is giving into the whining of an 8 year old, not something I would want to start now, because it is only going to get worse. if you know FOR SURE there is no bad stuff going on and she is behaving while there and having fun, etc. and all this whining is about not getting HER way, then I would bring the hammer down on her That's me - the mean mommie! I wish people would understand it isn't that easy to 'change' daycare - especially this 'late' in the game. Schools are out, programs are full. Even if I was a SAHM, I wouldn't have wanted the responsibility of someone else's kid full time. Additionally, we all know kids - especially girls - they are whiners (for the most part) and fickle. Within a few days, she will "hate" her best friend and then you are once again stuck with trying to find some place else for her. Parents WORK - it is the fact of life. And work is NOT the place for kids - you are there to do a job, not spend time with your kid. how is daycare too much for a kid? Downtime from what? Playing all the time? I don't get this at all. It isn't as if she is sitting all day doing school work or studying - she is a kid playing at a daycare/camp facility.
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