TheBigQuestion Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 So do promiscuous males have those types of issue too? You hear that men who sleep with lots of women are just having fun and it is perfectly normal but women who do it have mental issues. Why is that? All the information linking promiscuity with psychological problems tends to be gender neutral, so I'll assume that it's equally true for males. However, I can't help but feel that it's more alarming for women to display promiscuity simply because they take more risks and have far more to lose in the process.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 So do promiscuous males have those types of issue too? You hear that men who sleep with lots of women are just having fun and it is perfectly normal but women who do it have mental issues. Why is that? I know it sounds sexist but it is true. Most women I know who have slept around have more issues than a news stand. It is simply what I have witnessed. It seems that men have an easier time getting through those wild times without a bunch of emotional baggage.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 You hear that men who sleep with lots of women are just having fun and it is perfectly normal but women who do it have mental issues. Why is that? It's the women's hysteria!!!
TheBigQuestion Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It's the women's hysteria!!! Seriously though, given the evidence, both anecdotal and empirical, it's not exactly beyond the pale for a guy to use promiscuity as a factor in whether or not a woman is dateable, is it?
torranceshipman Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Let's turn it around. Would have man having slept with 20 women at 20 years of age be a bad thing? Good point. In my view it actually would be a bit bad. My friends and I used to refer to guys as 'walking STD's' if they had a reputation for promiscuity and none of us would date that guy - even if he was super fine and popular and a 'good catch' or whatever - as a result
paddington bear Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I don't think 'sluts' as you call them would really hang out with other slutty girls - too much competition. If she has any female friends at all, she would be at the top of the pyramid and none would dare step on her toes by going after men she wanted. Young girls who've slept with lots of men, I would say, as a woman probably do have lots of issues. Men sleeping with lots of women imho is more to do with just the sexual urge, whereas girls doing it is more to do with getting some kind of false intimacy, attention and validation because that's the only way they know how to get it. I read somewhere a long time ago that men who have had a lot of sexual partners are less likely to be able to settle down, so I'm wondering if sowing your wild oats to a huge degree actually lessens men's ability to be satisfied with just one woman..?
Taramere Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I have no idea and am curious. For my standard right now a woman in her early 20's with close to 20 knotches on her belt could probably be suspicious of slutism anyone else care to express their thoughts? When I become friends with another women, my concerns are whether we have a similar sense of humour and whether there's a connection between us. I don't tend to ask "how many sexual partners have you had?" I don't have special limits I apply as to how promiscuous other women are entitled to be before I will eliminate them from the pool of people I like and spend time with.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It's the women's hysteria!!! Ruby that made me crack up out loud. While I can't speak for every other male poster on this board, I can safely say that I'm not insecure with female sexuality. Just because I'm generally suspicious of dating women who have had a large amount of sexual partners does not mean anything of the sort. There are practical reasons for someone to feel this way that are based on both empirical fact and common sense. So with that said, what exactly is wrong about what I posted? It's absolutely true that promiscuity is a symptom of a lot of personality disorders, major depression and anxiety, lessened emotional stability in general, "daddy"/"mommy" issues, more relationship baggage, STDs, a tendency to hop from one relationship to another with less time in between, and some guys would say it's correlated with cheating too. BigQ, I have no issue with your particular desire to have relationships with women with lower numbers. What I have issue with is how women get regularly demeaned and called names as easily as the wind blows around her due to male inseucrity of many of the posters who start threads like this. Sluts, bitches..etc etc... It's this kind of name calling that shows male insecurity. Just for the fact that you might want someone with low numbers doesn't mean you are insecure. However, I don't completely agree with you that many women with high numbers have such issues you described. Some women do, sure. And sometimes men with high numbers are working on their own emotional issues, lack of ability to really connect, and needing approvel from women for their own masculine insecurities. I myself like a man more discriminate. Women and girls are sent mixed messages. We are suppoe to be sexy but not be sexual. We are prudes if we don't and sluts if we do. Alot of men don't enjoy female sexuality. They enjoy female sexuality when women strive to meet a fantasy that men like where they hold most of the power. Such as him being the only man to rock his world so he doesn't have to deal with compeitions on his performance in bed. But true female sexuality? I'm not convinced that even with the progress men have made, that we are there yet. There is a high level of trying to control female sexuality by shaming women into believing they should and can only have fun sexually with one partner and if they don't, then they are unhealthy! While men tout how much they need to "spread their seed". It's a control thing. I will say though if you are a man with high numbers and you hold a gold standard different then what you hold for your female partners, such as it's okay for you to sleep around and use emotionally need or agreesive women but you highhandly don't like when women do, holding it against them the whole time and paint yourself as some kind of prize, that's not right, fair or healthy.
sally4sara Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I have no idea and am curious. For my standard right now a woman in her early 20's with close to 20 knotches on her belt could probably be suspicious of slutism anyone else care to express their thoughts? Are you a slut? Do you hang out with other sluts? Do you avoid sluts? Or do you not consider men capable of being sluts?
Engadget Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 In my experience, male sluts don't hang out with other male sluts. They don't want the competition. I am not one of them, but men see me as competition and there's obvious chest beating and such going on
txsilkysmoothe Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Young girls who've slept with lots of men, I would say, as a woman probably do have lots of issues. Men sleeping with lots of women imho is more to do with just the sexual urge, whereas girls doing it is more to do with getting some kind of false intimacy, attention and validation because that's the only way they know how to get it. Agree with this; I think there can be a correlation between the number of sexual partners, "why" women seek sex, and one's emotional health. Many women still view sex as an emotional event and if a very young woman has had a large number of partners, I think it valid to conclude she is seeking "love" through sex. Each failed attempt can only hurt her emotional state. For those women who can view sex as strictly a physical activity, this would not apply.
sally4sara Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah cause women NEVER have the urge to have sex for the pleasure of it. And men NEVER want attention, validation, or some semblance of physical intimacy.
sumdude Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I know it sounds sexist but it is true. Most women I know who have slept around have more issues than a news stand. It is simply what I have witnessed. It seems that men have an easier time getting through those wild times without a bunch of emotional baggage. Hafta disagree a bit. The biggest man slut I've known in my life had major issues. He's now 42 and is just cleaning up from years of heroin and anything else addiction. I watched his downward spiral slowly developing for years. He had a few near death experiences, spent time on Riker's Island and was generally an emotional mess too. He also had more girls than anyone else I know. Many he dated were just all around beautiful and awesome women... who he usually cheated on and used.
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Sluts like sex. What are you OP if you have 20 Notches on your belt ? What name do they give you ?
Engadget Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Sluts like sex. What are you OP if you have 20 Notches on your belt ? What name do they give you ? Man-Whore is the appropriate term
TheBigQuestion Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah cause women NEVER have the urge to have sex for the pleasure of it. And men NEVER want attention, validation, or some semblance of physical intimacy. There's no need to take things to the extreme. When people have been suggesting things like the above, they've been merely talking about what they think is the more likely scenario, not the ONLY scenario.
TheBigQuestion Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Ruby that made me crack up out loud. BigQ, I have no issue with your particular desire to have relationships with women with lower numbers. What I have issue with is how women get regularly demeaned and called names as easily as the wind blows around her due to male inseucrity of many of the posters who start threads like this. Sluts, bitches..etc etc... It's this kind of name calling that shows male insecurity. Just for the fact that you might want someone with low numbers doesn't mean you are insecure. However, I don't completely agree with you that many women with high numbers have such issues you described. Some women do, sure. And sometimes men with high numbers are working on their own emotional issues, lack of ability to really connect, and needing approvel from women for their own masculine insecurities. I myself like a man more discriminate. Women and girls are sent mixed messages. We are suppoe to be sexy but not be sexual. We are prudes if we don't and sluts if we do. Alot of men don't enjoy female sexuality. They enjoy female sexuality when women strive to meet a fantasy that men like where they hold most of the power. Such as him being the only man to rock his world so he doesn't have to deal with compeitions on his performance in bed. But true female sexuality? I'm not convinced that even with the progress men have made, that we are there yet. There is a high level of trying to control female sexuality by shaming women into believing they should and can only have fun sexually with one partner and if they don't, then they are unhealthy! While men tout how much they need to "spread their seed". It's a control thing. I will say though if you are a man with high numbers and you hold a gold standard different then what you hold for your female partners, such as it's okay for you to sleep around and use emotionally need or agreesive women but you highhandly don't like when women do, holding it against them the whole time and paint yourself as some kind of prize, that's not right, fair or healthy. Again, I never said that the correlations between promiscuity and psychological issues were limited to women. I think it's very likely that promiscuous men have similar issues, especially since the literature on the subject generally does not differentiate between the two sexes. I also never said that ALL promiscuous women have any or all of these issues, I simply said that they are far more likely to do so. However, I will maintain that I feel that women who act in such a way generally have more to lose and put themselves more at risk than men do. It's also true that as a general rule, women, especially younger women, have sex for different reasons than men, and that these reasons can betray more psychological disorders and difficulties.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 In my younger sluttier days, I wouldn't hang out with sluts or any other women for that matter. I'd hang out with the guys, and hog all the attention for myself.
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 OP would you rather have a ( slut - your word )- mine - hot nympho in the bedroom or a Cold Popsicle ?
Ruby Slippers Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Seriously though, given the evidence, both anecdotal and empirical, it's not exactly beyond the pale for a guy to use promiscuity as a factor in whether or not a woman is dateable, is it? I think the factor has equal weight for a male or female partner. Any man who has sex with tons of different partners is just as likely to have "issues" as a woman who does. But having many different partners does not automatically incriminate one as issue-ridden.
janie423 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 In my younger sluttier days, I wouldn't hang out with sluts or any other women for that matter. I'd hang out with the guys, and hog all the attention for myself. But then of course you would be labeled a slut by many of the male posters on this forum, don't you know?. It's really sad that women have been labeled sluts even way back when I was in high school and college, and usually if someone was accused of promiscuity the other girls would avoid hanging around with her lest they be judged a slut as well. I would not trust a man who slept around because I would not feel special to him. But I wouldn't label him. It's the labeling that I find most distressing. The promiscuous female is judged as having a pathological mindset when in fact she just might like the surge of excitement with a new partner! Some things never change . . .
Woggle Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think the factor has equal weight for a male or female partner. Any man who has sex with tons of different partners is just as likely to have "issues" as a woman who does. But having many different partners does not automatically incriminate one as issue-ridden. It does not have equal weight. Women want what other women have or what other women want while men do not place much weight on other men's approval. Men and women are attracted to very different things in the opposite sex.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 But then of course you would be labeled a slut by many of the male posters on this forum, don't you know?. It's really sad that women have been labeled sluts even way back when I was in high school and college, and usually if someone was accused of promiscuity the other girls would avoid hanging around with her lest they be judged a slut as well. Yeah, the labeling sucked when I was younger but as I got older, I found I didn't give a rip what anyone thought. Still don't even though I don't really fit in the 'slut' category anymore. There is a good deal of interesting information about the labeling of sexually promiscuous women (and even those who are unfairly labeled that) in the book Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation by Leora Tanenbaum (2000).
janie423 Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 There is a good deal of interesting information about the labeling of sexually promiscuous women (and even those who are unfairly labeled that) in the book Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation by Leora Tanenbaum (2000). "Slut bashing" the book calls it. Interesting concept. Think about the title of this thread. What exactly is he asking about? Is he interested in "sluts" and therefore may know of one and wants to know if he can identify other "sluts" by association? This OP is bashing women just by the title. Then along come long winded monotribes from other boys passing judgement on promiscuous women and their concomitant psychological issues. Boys will be boys . . .
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