LondonS Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 (edited) so how would a man feel if a girl liked him, kind of pursued him to an extent aswell but then changed her mind and withdrew her effection because she heard something about him which was perhaps a deal breaker for her? Is it going to be hurting ego issue etc etc? especially when he still was unsure how to progress with her interest? Edited June 7, 2010 by LondonS
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I don't know about hurting his ego, but it would probably hurt his feelings. It depends what the dealbreaker was. If it was her discovering he was an ex-con who did time for rape, he might pass her rejection off as understandable. If it were something trivial and stupid--e.g. discovering he had back hair--he might feel well rid of her. But if it were something serious that he had no control over--for example, if he had a history of clinical depression--that might hurt his feelings.
Author LondonS Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 I don't know about hurting his ego, but it would probably hurt his feelings. It depends what the dealbreaker was. If it was her discovering he was an ex-con who did time for rape, he might pass her rejection off as understandable. If it were something trivial and stupid--e.g. discovering he had back hair--he might feel well rid of her. But if it were something serious that he had no control over--for example, if he had a history of clinical depression--that might hurt his feelings. she did not give him the reason but just said that she has discovered something during an evening out with his friends which has led her to quit.. he didnt ask either....
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 As a guy, I wouldn't care. But as a girl, why would you care...?
Author LondonS Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 As a guy, I wouldn't care. But as a girl, why would you care...? he is my best friend...and so is she..
TaurusTerp Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Surprised he didn't ask. How could you not care what your dealbreaker was?
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 she did not give him the reason but just said that she has discovered something during an evening out with his friends which has led her to quit.. he didnt ask either.... If a woman told me she'd discovered something about me that made her want to quit me, but wouldn't tell me what it was, I'd just assume she was lying. She'd probably met another guy or something, and just didn't want to admit it.
Author LondonS Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Surprised he didn't ask. How could you not care what your dealbreaker was? exactly, how can someone be so shy.. she wants him to ask her and doesnt allow me to tell him...
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 How could you not care what your dealbreaker was? Because it's hella weak to ask a girl why she doesn't want to be with you anymore. All that matters is that she wants out. I stopped caring about explanations. And in my opinion, dealbreakers are more a condition of the person leaving than the person that's being left behind. For example, let's take smoking...for me, it's a dealbreaker...it's not necessarily a negative trait of the girl I'm rejecting, but rather something that makes me want to leave her...so the dealbreaker is completely on me and completely my own preference...and actually has nothing to do with her... So taking it back to OP's situation, the dealbreaker is on the girl, not the guy...
WintersNightTraveler Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 exactly, how can someone be so shy.. she wants him to ask her and doesnt allow me to tell him... Maybe he just doesn't like playing games.
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 exactly, how can someone be so shy.. she wants him to ask her and doesnt allow me to tell him... Are you all in high school or something...?
Author LondonS Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Are you all in high school or something...? nop - funny how this stupid dating world make us do silly things though...
OceanTropic Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 A dealbreaker is a dealbreaker. Sure it might hurt a bit, but there are women out there who will accept whatever it is you didn't like. Whats the harm? Better than ignoring whatever it is that bothered you and playing with his feelings even more.
TaurusTerp Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Because it's hella weak to ask a girl why she doesn't want to be with you anymore. All that matters is that she wants out. I stopped caring about explanations. And in my opinion, dealbreakers are more a condition of the person leaving than the person that's being left behind. For example, let's take smoking...for me, it's a dealbreaker...it's not necessarily a negative trait of the girl I'm rejecting, but rather something that makes me want to leave her...so the dealbreaker is completely on me and completely my own preference...and actually has nothing to do with her... So taking it back to OP's situation, the dealbreaker is on the girl, not the guy... I "debrief" pretty much every girl I've ever been with, excepting the ones that ended poorly. I like knowing what attracted her to me initially, what she thought of this or that, how the sex was, etc. I find it interesting and sometimes find things about myself to work on. Things like smoking are obvious and if I were a smoker I probably wouldn't change, but there are always little things that I dont notice and when it's pointed out I find I want to be rid of that stupid habit. OP, your female friend sounds kind of ridiculous. Out of curiosity, what was the dealbreaker?
bolase Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I wouldn't tell him unless it was not going to hurt him and was clearly more about you than about him. Yes it would hurt him a lot if it's a personal thing that isn't going to change about him such as, depression as pointed out, or a physical thing that you can't get over. I's possible that I'm not ready for the 7 week relationship I'm in, but there is one thing that is almost breaking it for me. It might sound silly but heck you guys don't care. His ex is still in love with him, and emails him saying as much. That isn't actually the dealbreaker (she's overseas thankfully!) but he wears a carved necklace that she gave him, and will forever. he says he likes it and isnt going to remove it, it might fall off naturally or be there til he dies. So when we're sleeping together it's the only thing he's left wearing and sometimes I don't notice, other times I kinda stare at it! If it gets too annoying, I wouldn't tell him that this was the reason i wanted to leave, because i realise it won't change, and would be scared of his reaction...what do you think, am I being silly here? If you're a guy, what would you think if a girl told you she wanted you to take off you ex's carving??
mlh5046 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 depends if he has other options and how interested he was in you in the first place.... also maybe what the issue actually is. eg. if you found out from a friend through a friend who has a friend that knows he likes to pick his nose constantly and that was it, he might be embarassed. but if the issue was he's too flirty he probly would care less
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