getbackwithex Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Had a minor setback yesterday. I was in strict NC for over 6 months. A few weeks ago I decided to go on an outing with some mutual friends of the ex and I. She of course was there and I knew she would be. Some feelings came back, but at that time I was still going to keep my distance to make sure I was okay with being friends. Then last night, at my friends house (Also, the place that I am currently living at while I await my new apartment is finished being renovated), they tell me the Ex is coming up with her new man......my heart sank. I've decided to go NC again as I know it's the only way. I don't want to be immature, as it's been years since we broke up, but everytime I see her I get the same old thoughts. How do I tell these people that I'd rather not see my Ex ever again, or at least not for a really long time? I even have a new girl myself, which makes me feel uncomfortable now with her, because it's not fair that I'm trying to work on us, but the ex is still on my mind. If you were forced to see your Ex at times how did you cope and get passed all those feelings? Thanks for the insight.
Ilovecake Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I run into my ex here and there with his new fiancé, which was the girl he dumped me for. We too have mutual friends and it really irks me that we have to share those people and that she’s becoming friends with them too. I made a conscious effort to make new friends outside of his circle and I try to avoid going places I know he will be at. This sucks as we both go to a lot of shows and I have missed many bands I wanted to see just so I didn’t have to deal with him. The thing is it’s completely my choice; I can miss a band or see a band and feel a little uncomfortable. When I run into him I do not talk to him or even really acknowledge his presence. I can tell a lot of our friends feel torn and I hate putting them in that situation. It's not comfortable but I just tell myself I'm an adult and I can deal with being in a room with someone I do not want to be around or I can just leave. I don’t think however that I could live with people who invited my ex over, that would be too much for me. Just tell your roommates you are uncomfortable with her and her boyfriend being there. You pay the rent just like they do, you have the right to make that request. Maybe they can have her over when you’re not home.
cdt76 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah, just tell them that while you are there, you'd appreciate it if they'd keep her away. They'll understand
Cantcope Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I work with my ex, so I have to see him every freaking day! I used to go to the company softball games (he's on the team) and we would all go out and have fun after. I've stopped going. He says that it's childish, but really....it makes me feel sick to be around him and see how much fun he has while I'm dying inside. I'd rather just not go anymore and not have to know what he's doing. Every damn week they ask me to go....and every week I say no. I was told that I should go out and let him see me there having a blast, but you know what? If I'm NOT there, he has NO idea what I'm doing and who I'm with. I'd rather keep it that way. No one has to deal with your "aftermath" of emotions but you. They can say what they'd like, but until they are in your shoes, they have no idea. Stay in NC and enjoy your new relationship!
Author getbackwithex Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah, just tell them that while you are there, you'd appreciate it if they'd keep her away. They'll understand Yeah, well that is easier said than done. Unfortunately, early in my attempt to get her back they would invite her up because I wanted them to. Yes, I realize BAD IDEA. But since then they've grown to really like her. I know that I could pull that trigger and tell them not to invite her again, but I don't want to be immature. They have dinners and every week is a new group of family, neighbors, friends, etc. and she isn't there but only a few times a year. It's not bothering me as much as I thought it would today. I feel great. so being that it's not that often I'll just make sure I'm not around. I just hope they don't show up unexpectedly as most people tend to do. Anyway, thanks for the tips. I think it was just the shock of hearing that I was going to have to actually meet this guy, without being able to control my presence that particular night.
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