oasisrob22 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Okay, so right now I am a 21-year-old senior at college, dating a 20-year-old who goes to the same school as me. We have been together for 4 months, and have had a great relationship. She is the first girl I have said "I love you" to, (and she said it to me before I told her), and we both have expressed seeing a future with each other. However, most of our problems have come from me getting drunk and saying rude/unnecessary things to her. She is very tender-hearted and wears her heart on her sleeve. However, she has forgiven me for the things I have said, mainly because I was drunk (which isn't an excuse). This summer, we are both staying in our college's town, working for the University. She is working an intensive summer orientation program from now until July 9th, basically showing incoming students around the campus and helping with their transition. Since we won't see each other that often (maybe 3 times a week, for 20-30 minutes each time), we agreed to put in 110% effort to try and communicate as much as possible to keep this great relationship going. We spent our last week together in the middle of May, just completely inseparable. Then, she started training 2 weeks ago and I haven't seen too much of her, but she has been doing an excellent job of texting me whenever she can, and we talk on the phone one every day or every 2 days. However, the separation has been hard on us and has caused some strain. This past Thursday (our 4 month anniversary), we didn't talk much, which was mainly my fault because I was getting frustrated with the separation and was playing mind games. I left my phone behind that night for a few hours while watching basketball at a friend's house, which I had told her about, and when I got back later that night, I got a text from her saying she was upset I hadn't texted her all night and that it was not okay at all to do that. I got on the phone with her, we argued for a little bit and then suddenly, out of the blue, I dropped the bomb: "I can't do this anymore. This isn't working". Then she started crying and got off the phone. I immediately regretted my decision and called her back, left her a voicemail telling her I was sorry and that we can work through this, and that I made a big mistake. She didn't call me back, but texted saying she's given me chances and that she was going to bed. The next day, Friday, she came by my desk at work when I asked if we could talk. We went outside and I told her how sorry I was, that I made a huge mistake, and that I wanted her to just give me a chance to prove myself. She said that maybe in a few days she would be more sympathetic, but right now she was really numb and upset and said maybe when our job was over on July 9th, we could start over. She told me not to talk to me for a few days, that she would text me when she was ready. So I did the hardest thing ever -- I gave her her space. I deleted her phone number from my phone so I wouldn't have the temptation to text her and crowd her space. I was so upset and in a world of hurt at what I had done. The next night, Saturday night, I got a text from her number saying I was mean. She also texted that I wish I hadn't messed this all up. She called me later that night (she was drunk) and asked me how everything was going, and it was actually a pleasant conversation. The next morning, she texted me and apologized for calling, and I said I appreciated the phone call so no worries. We talked on the phone for a little while, and I told her I was ready to make a change and prove to her that I can be the man she fell in love with during our relationship. I told her that I would give up drinking for at least the next month, and I told her that I was doing it for myself too, to save money and prevent excess weight gain. She said okay and that she had to go. She texted me later and said that she doesn't know where to go from her, she's confused, and that she misses me but doesn't believe I'll genuinely change. I told her that I was willing to do this because I loved and cared for her and want to make this work. She said "Alright". Later that day, she asked me to take her to Walgreens to get a prescription. We talked casually about work and me moving into my new apartment in town...then I dropped her back off at work. She was appreciative that I took her and I told her I'd pick her prescription up for her. I picked it up later, she sat in my car for a few minutes and told me about work before saying thanks, goodbye, and heading inside. We texted a little throughout the night about her work, then she asked me if I could be honest with her and tell me if I've been talking to any other girls. I said that as God as my witness, I have not talked to any other girls. She said "Okay". She called me before she went to bed last night and we talked for a few minutes on the phone casually, just small talk. I texted her this morning and thanked her for the phone call and hope she had a good morning. She texted back a little later and we talked for a little while. Haven't heard from her in a couple of hours, so here I am posting on this forum. Readers -- gathering from the VERY long message I posted above (sorry, was just trying to be thorough and detailed on the situation), what are your thoughts? Just take it slowly, don't force anything, be supportive of her and her work for now?
paperchase Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Give her space. Lots of it. Let her come to you. Do not promise to change or try to convince her. If you have to beg to get her back you won't be in a good position even if she does agree. Be confident in the fact that she likes you and step back and let her think about things. Anything you actively do will hurt your chances. I'd tell her I understand her confusion. I'd say that I acted in hast but that we do have issues. I'd tell her that I want to work things out but if she doesn't then you respect that decision. Just don't fight against anything she says. Roll with it, listen, be unphased and even agree at times. This is all easier said than done but I think it offers you the best shot at reconciliation. Good luck.
Author oasisrob22 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Paperchase, Thanks for the advice. Do I text her back at all or do I wait for her to text me, each and every time? This morning, she told me her phone was dying so she said "I'll ttyl" yet I noticed she was tweeting from her phone an hour ago. I am confident that she loves me and she did say she misses me, so I just have to give her space and let this play out, right?
paperchase Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Paperchase, Thanks for the advice. Do I text her back at all or do I wait for her to text me, each and every time? This morning, she told me her phone was dying so she said "I'll ttyl" yet I noticed she was tweeting from her phone an hour ago. I am confident that she loves me and she did say she misses me, so I just have to give her space and let this play out, right? Do not cyberstalk her or worry ab if she's tweeting. Because you dumped her it's ok to respond to her texts but you must control your feelings. You cannot make her feel any pressure and never lead the conversation in a direction that she doesn't take it. Try to keep your responses short and neutral. Also, don't respond too fast and don't initiate contact for now. She asked for space. She said she'll come to you so let her do it. The ball is not in your court right now. Also, I don't want this to sound like a game because it's not it's just the right way to behave when someone is deliberating whether they want to be with you.
Author oasisrob22 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 WintersNightTraveler, Well when I got drunk in the past I would just say stupid things about organizations she's involved in and be really sarcastic, call her a name or two. Not good stuff. Yes, I am truly an idiot and am grateful that she even stayed with me through that. The other night? I said that I can't do this and she asked if I was breaking up with her and I said "I guess thats what this is".
Yamaha Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think she's absolutly right in her accessment of you. You sound immature and not ready for a relationship, just relations. Sorry, but my advice would be to let her find somebody more compatable for her.
Author oasisrob22 Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Yamaha, Thats your opinion, I have nothing to say other than I respect it. But I know she is the woman for me and I know that she cares and misses me.
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