MorningCoffee Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 When I was widowed, I was counselled to be prepared for the power of anniversaries -- significant dates on the calendar of all kinds, not just wedding anniversaries -- to revive strong emotions as I moved through grieving my loss. True, in my experience. Even years later, some will move us (family and me) to tears. Years later, I am now nearly 3 months since last seeing my xAP and 7 weeks of total NC. Some of our "anniversaries" are slowly losing their power to affect me (for example, Fridays are just Fridays again, not the most important day of the week as the most likely day to see her). Our EA moved into a PA just about a year ago, so I am now entering a time sequence marking a number of one-year anniversaries - events, statements, decisions and so on important in my A. I expect this string of dates holds some power here and there, some very happy memories, but still markers of what has been lost, too. How have others experienced such dates of significance after the end of the A? Is there any balance of ups and downs in your anniversaries? Any suggestions on preparing and coping? Thanks!
ladydesigner Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Yes absolutely. This month for me signifies the month my EA turned PA as well. It will be 2 years for me. Even harder next month signifies the ending of the A (my A lasted only a month, but we knew each other for years). This is always a trigger time of year for me. The anniversary I am looking forward to though is September because I will be 1 year NC (initiated be myself) and that I was strong enough to have never broken it. The thing that gets me through it is knowing the day will be over soon and life goes on.
Owl Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Fill your time with a new, attention-keeping activity during the actual date of the anniversary. Focus on something else as much as you can during this time...focus on positive things in your life. And remember...anniversaries of negative events do get easier to deal with as time passes and as you heal from the events that occurred. BS's go through a similar round of dealing with the 'anniversaries' after the affair ends too. So I can absolutely understand your pain and what you're dealing with (on the affair side...I've never lost a spouse, so being a widow is outside of my experience). Hang in there, work on healing yourself, and let time help soothe your wounds as well.
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