smartblonde Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Is there such a thing? I've read many posts where male LSers have complained bitterly about being called a "nice" guy and consider it a dating death sentence. Is there a female equivalent? I've been called "pretty" on a couple of occasions...to me, this is close to being compared to a "nice" guy. And, do men react the same to "bad" girls as women do to "bad" boys? Meaning...lusting after them, only to be treated like sh*t and falling more in love with them the worse they're treated? Or do men have a stronger constitution about all of this?
bayouboi Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Never heard of "pretty" being a derogatory term for women...did you just want to mention that people have called you "pretty" before? The female equivalent of the "nice guy" is probably the "fat friend".
espec10001 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 The internet and forums like these tend to place people in "boxes": nice guy, jerk, *******, bitch, snob, etc. The reality is that in real life people do not fit neatly into boxes. You simply can't label a guy or girl one thing because everyone is different and unique in their own way.
carhill Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Female equivalent of the "Nice" guy Is there such a thing? Yes, IME, it's defined as 'happily married'
Sivok Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Absolutely. The 'nice girl' is the girl who gives way too much way too early in a relationship - the clinger. I had a girl tell me she felt like she knew me her whole life after just the second date. That was the last time I called her. They both follow a similar trend - it's ok if you act that way after the relationship is somewhat 'settled in', but otherwise the nice guy/girl routine just doesn't build that firey attraction/fun that the mystery of the bad guy/girl provides early on
Pyro Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 A "nice" guy and girl are one in the same: a pushover with no backbone who will agree with their SO on everything purposely and never have their own POV, which in turn leads to a very dull relationship where the passion will eventually fizzle out and the relationship will end.
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 There probably is no exact parallel. The closest thing I can think of would be a woman who repeatedly enters into FWB relationships with men in the delusional hope that they will grow into "something more." This would be roughly the equivelant of a man who seeks out female "friends" in the delusional hope they will one day take a romantic interest in him.
Author smartblonde Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Never heard of "pretty" being a derogatory term for women...did you just want to mention that people have called you "pretty" before? Sorry but I don't consider "pretty" as a derogatory term (and for the record, I don't consider calling a guy "nice" derogatory either). And no, I didn't just want to mention that people have called me this...I was just trying to show by way of an example that we women sometimes feel as if we're labelled too and consider some observations as our own dating death-sentences.
Rhythmic Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 There is an equal for women once you realize what the "nice" part is really for when used for guys. Used for guys women like personally but don't find sexually attractive enough to want to date but like them enough to not hurt their feelings. The male equal to this is saying a girl has a "great personality."
phineas Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I'd say a nice girl is the woman that keeps falling for complete jerks because they pretend to be nice guys & just refuse to see how much of a jerk he is. Actually, I've heard women refer to men they dated as a nice guy & go on to say they behaved as perfect gentlemen.....until.... they knew she had fallen for him & it turned out the guy was a complete jerk pretending to be a nice guy. I also don't really hear women call the typical ls nice guy, nice guys. They call them loosers or creepy or jerks.
Jersey Shortie Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Of course there is a "nice girl" dychonomy. And it has nothing to do with FWB or pretty girls. Nice girls are those girls that aren't super hot but are really sweet but that men don't lust after. They are those girls that guys say "well she is nice and all but....." Men are JUST as guility for falling for "bad girls". How many men complain about some woman that did him wrong? That left him and took all his money? Enough to realize that men also fall for "bad girls".
paddington bear Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I am, or was the 'nice girl' - same diff with guys and girls because it's the same behaviour - men might sleep with nice girls if the option is there, but they don't want nice girls. I used to be so grateful to have a man, any man show me interest, was trained from birth to be polite and not be a drama queen, so I just bowed down and worshipped any guy who I'd be with. They would then lose respect for me, and with that also lose any kind of sexual interest and then I'd get dumped...or for the same reasons would not get asked out by anyone. Men constantly complain about high-maintenance women, however, from what I've seen, the girls that they actually desire and get obsessed with might not be drama queens, but certainly know what they want and put men in their place. Men in my experience anyway, are not interested in wussy women who worship the ground they walk on, it does not seem to spark off attraction in them. I think for both sexes, it boils down to respect. Recently I've been thining about how respecting someone is very much tied up with attraction, and that you can't be, or stay attracted to someone that you don't respect. Even the best of us will be tempted to treat someone shoddily if you are let get away with it over and over and that's what 'nice' girls and guys do, just put up with any old crap until the respect and thus the attraction dies, or is not sparked off in the first place.
EasyHeart Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 In dating terms, a "nice guy" is a needy, insecure guy who tries too hard to please a woman. The female equivalent is the doormat, the clinger, the needy girl, etc. Being "nice" has nothing to do with manners or treating people with respect. In dating terms, if a woman tells you you're 'nice' it means you're a wimp who doesn't present her with any kind of challenge. It's not a compliment!
USMCHokie Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 We had a thread about this same exact thing last week...and if I remember correctly, the general concensus was that there isn't an exact parallel... Nice guy = lackluster personality Nice girl = lackluster physical looks
paddington bear Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 We had a thread about this same exact thing last week...and if I remember correctly, the general concensus was that there isn't an exact parallel... Nice guy = lackluster personality Nice girl = lackluster physical looks I dunno about this, because I'm HOT! Ha ha. Well, attractive anyway, one of those 'no one understands why there aren't throngs of men battering down your door' woman (me neither...) and I've plenty of good looking female friends who also are not managing to attract men. What I've noticed about all of us, is the 'nice girl' factor, being too desparate and grateful for male attention, feeling like being overly flirtatious is somehow embarrassing, being polite and yes, 'nice'. Whereas...I have other friends who would kill their own grandmother to get a man have been manipulative and nasty and competetive over men and the guys go crazy over them. I personally have been screwed over so many times by these so-called female friends because they wanted 'the man', but these are the girls the guys wanted (at least initially), pushy, bossy, go-getting women, that just by sheer force of their nature overshadow anyone else. And anyone else is the 'nice girl' - she is more or less invisible due to not being confident enough, and when she does finally get some male attention, is so grateful for it, that she becomes an instant doormat.
sagetalk Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 No, looks has nothing to do with it. Nice guy = "can't generate physical desire in women" Nice girl = Friends with benefits That's generally how it works. The nice guy can't generate sexual desire so they get friendzoned. A 'nice girl' doesn't have enough positive traits in the guys mind to be a long term relationship girl so she gets "Friends with Benefits". You will mostly see nice guys complaining because they aren't getting sex. The nice girls get sex, but they are just as bad off as the nice guys they just don't realize it because they are getting sex.
phineas Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I dunno about this, because I'm HOT! Ha ha. Well, attractive anyway, one of those 'no one understands why there aren't throngs of men battering down your door' woman (me neither...) and I've plenty of good looking female friends who also are not managing to attract men. What I've noticed about all of us, is the 'nice girl' factor, being too desparate and grateful for male attention, feeling like being overly flirtatious is somehow embarrassing, being polite and yes, 'nice'. Whereas...I have other friends who would kill their own grandmother to get a man have been manipulative and nasty and competetive over men and the guys go crazy over them. I personally have been screwed over so many times by these so-called female friends because they wanted 'the man', but these are the girls the guys wanted (at least initially), pushy, bossy, go-getting women, that just by sheer force of their nature overshadow anyone else. And anyone else is the 'nice girl' - she is more or less invisible due to not being confident enough, and when she does finally get some male attention, is so grateful for it, that she becomes an instant doormat. It's funny you say that because your the type of girl I did try talking to in the bars. but, they only had eyes for the frat guys. LOL! And I was in shape back then. Lifting weights. only 5'6" though.
WTRanger Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 (edited) It's the same thing. Nice guy/girl is someone who always puts someone else's happiness before theirs and generally lives a miserable life because of it. Then comes on internet boards and bitches about why no one respects them. Both times the person has extremely low self-esteem and/or self confidence and thinks that pleasing others will make them happy. It has zero to do with looks. There are plenty of beautiful girls with total douchebags. All you have to do is watch any show on MTV and some perfectly normal girl with low self-esteem is giving some jackass his 1,000th chance. Conversely, there are a lot of perfectly normal looking men who through lack of confidence and fear of rejection fail to take a chance with a girl and would rather "hang out" with them than date them. Nice guy's mind set: If I sit through this lame chick flick and then listen to her whine about her daddy issues and ex's all of the time, maybe I'll get a BJ tonight. Nice girls mind set: If I give him a BJ then he has to sit through Sex and the City 2 with me. Both are all about the covert contracts and sand castles in the sky. Edited June 7, 2010 by WTRanger
Stung Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 And, do men react the same to "bad" girls as women do to "bad" boys? Meaning...lusting after them, only to be treated like sh*t and falling more in love with them the worse they're treated? Or do men have a stronger constitution about all of this? Having gone through an extended bad girl phase while working some of my personal issues out, I can attest that yes there are a LOT of guys who flock to the 'bad girl' and behave just as ridiculously over them as guys on this forum are always complaining that women do for 'bad boys'. Hopefully everybody grows beyond taking any part in any side of such relationship equations.
Skump Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Is there such a thing? In terms of acquiring sex? No, there is no parallel. However... sex isn't the relevant currency for women. Basically, for men, the challenge is getting sex, for women, the challenge is getting married. With respect to marriage, there are most definitely female counterparts to the "nice guy," but, appropriately enough, they're kind of an inversion: Rather than being undersexed douche bags, they're all-too-eager sluts who seek validation through f*cking and get no respect from quality men.
Cracker Jack Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 No, looks has nothing to do with it. Nice guy = "can't generate physical desire in women" Nice girl = Friends with benefits That's generally how it works. The nice guy can't generate sexual desire so they get friendzoned. A 'nice girl' doesn't have enough positive traits in the guys mind to be a long term relationship girl so she gets "Friends with Benefits". You will mostly see nice guys complaining because they aren't getting sex. The nice girls get sex, but they are just as bad off as the nice guys they just don't realize it because they are getting sex. Couldn't have said it better.
i'mfaraway Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 The closest thing I can think of would be a woman who repeatedly enters into FWB relationships with men in the delusional hope that they will grow into "something more." This would be roughly the equivelant of a man who seeks out female "friends" in the delusional hope they will one day take a romantic interest in him. This may not be far from the truth. My friend that's in such a relationship is a really nice girl.
Recommended Posts