Nena_01 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Hi All, I am having a really tough time moving on from my break up and I would really like some encouragement It's been now 3 months since we broke up. I went NC for the wrong reasons during the first 2 months. I was hoping we were going to get back together and I hadn't accepted the break up. The first two months went by and he didn't contact me, so I called him being really emotional and crying. He was also crying and told me that he loved me, but wasn't in love with me (and actually never was!) and that his feelings weren't going to change. I was devastated. I wrote him a long email expressing how I felt, not to get him back, but just to let it out for some sort of closure. Our brake up was over the phone since he is away at school. When school was over and he was coming home, I asked him if I could see him in person. He said he thought so, but never contacted me to get together. He was avoiding to see me at all costs. I didn't think our relationship was peferct, but it was def. good. I was a really good gf to him and he made sure to let me know. So the brake up came as a complete shock and I at least thought we could've given it a second try. What hurts the most is how he has acted since the brake up. Not really caring about how I feel or how I'm doing. He has completely disregarded the two years we knew each other and were together. I feel he just used me to get over he's previous 4 year relationship and was just waiting for someone new before dumping me. I know feelings change, but I don't get how people can become so heartless once it's over. I have now accepted the break up and I am in NC for the right reasons, to move on (it's been two weeks now that I have not contacted him-although at this moment, I really want to!). Since a few days ago, I have reasons to believe that he is in a relationship with a friend he's known since childhood. They grew up together, went to the same school until they were 18, their families are good friends, etc. They have a lot in common and get along really well. I met her when him and I were still together and she's a great girl (they're both away at school and have lived in the same city for the past year). They are very compatible and I think they'll eventually get married. He won't screw up this relationship as he did with the one we had or previous ones (he has cheated in the past). I really want to be happy for them because even though I'm really hurt, I can appreciate that they are good people and have potential for a successful relationship. It just kills me inside to know that he has found a great person to be with and I'm still here struggling with this. Not yet over him and thinking that I will never find someone to replace him. And I guess in a way, I'm also jealous of what he has now and it sucks that I'm not a part of it. I do keep myself busy playing sports and other things. But I am now underweight and being really down at times. I want to forgive myself for the things that I did wrong in the relationship and I want to forgive him as well. I don't want to hold any hard feelings or grudges towards him although he has made it really hard not to. I want to think that he's a good person deep inside and didn't mean to hurt me...*sighs* I'm in a really bad state right now. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How much longer for this pain to go away?! I'm considering some sort of therapy... Any words, advice, or encouragement is greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!
biermadchen Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 it sounds like you're doing the best thing possible, which is to wish them well and move on...you seem to understand that at first you were in NC for not the best reason, but now you're in a better place. all i can say is that what has helped me the most in the past is doing, doing, doing. whatever you have always enjoyed doing the most, get right back on that! if you like to read, go to the library or bookstore and look into what's new out there; the deal is, that's one way to enjoy yourself and maybe even meet someone who shares your interests...also, try to get plenty of rest and surround yourself with long-term friends who knew you before (i.e. at your best) and have faith in you. in general, just try to be yourself as you were before you met this fellow. best of luck to you, i hope you find peace soon!!
t0ri Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 It's good you're wanting to let go of what went wrong in your relationship, how heartlessly you feel he treated you, to feel good about his happiness, etc! I think that's definitely a step in the right direction and you have a good head on your shoulders. All of that "letting go," comes with time, however. It is a real process to eventually feel indifferent about all of that. My ex broke up with me and I thought the day would never come where I'd feel completely indifferent, but guess what? It did. I imagined him out "hooking up" with other girls and being completely happy without me, and thought it would take ages to find my own happiness, and even longer to find someone to date again. Guess what? It did take awhile to feel happy again (around 4-5 months), but that happiness and normalcy did return, and I met someone not long after that, and have been with him since (almost 7 months). I advise you to focus on yourself, not him. I know it's terribly difficult to not think about him being all happy with some other girl, while you're still in hurt and pain because he's gone, but that's normal. Go out and make yourself feel good. Buy some new clothes, get a new hair-do, get out with friends, surround yourself with family, whatever makes you happy. I jammed my ipod into my ears and went jogging a few times a week, and that really helped me just release and I felt awesome afterward. Stay NC. You said what you felt needed to be said in the last message you sent him, now leave it at that. Just think that he chose to leave your life, so why message him to feed his ego that you're still thinking about him being in yours? My ex (of 2 years also) broke up with me, and we had off and on contact for the next 3 months, and I even pathetically hooked up during that time in hopes of rekindling whatever was left. He ended contact again and I realized there was no going back to our relationship. I went NC, didn't wish him a happy birthday, said nothing, and he began to pop up every now and then and initiate contact. Now, I am SOOOO extremely happy he broke up with me. It was a complete blessing in disguise The connection/friendship/relationship I have with my now boyfriend is SOO much better, stronger, healthier than what I had with him. The days of sadness and constant thinking of him will definitely become less and less frequent, and the happy/normal days will begin to replace those. Keep your chin up! Stay NC! Focus on you!
Recommended Posts