cyanide_catharsis Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 I only dated this girl fir four months, and she put me through hell for the last two months. I was the one that broke it off... It has been over three weeks of no contact, so why do i think about her ALL of the time. I miss her so much, I'm so lonely, lost, and depressed...I don't know what to do. I've been working out and trying to go out with my friends, yet I find no enjoyment in any of it. What do I do? Someone please help... Link to post Share on other sites
Coldhearted22 Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 Read, workout a lot. Make it so that your so tired you have to sleep. Play video games, listen to music that makes it better. email me man at athelete012@ yahoo.com Ill tell ya my story how i broke it off as well and couldnt and still cant stop thinkin about her, trust me. Im in the same boat as you. Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 OP, still early NC for you... be patient. Things will slowly get better. Keep busy. I find writing my thoughts helps too. Fight those demons when you're alone. You can do this! Link to post Share on other sites
karamall Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 why did she put you through hell? Have you considered meeting up with her and talk about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 coldhearted - thanks man, i'll definitely shoot you an e-mail sometime very soon. it will surely help both of us to be able to talk to someone about our situations. odyssey - thanks for the words of encouragement. i'm ridiculously close to breaking no contact with her, but i'm trying to be strong. i think my problem is that i still believe we may have a chance and if i could just talk to her as a friend that it may develop into what it was before. i need help, i wanna contact her so bad, i feel like i'm going to break soon! :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 karamall, we were together for about two months and everything was so wonderful. she made me completely fall for her by telling me the most wonderful things (how she loved me SO much, she never felt this strongly for a guy before, she would love me forever, blah blah). i felt completely secure with her. then, about two months in, she told me she was starting to go through some sort of depression relapse, where she no longer felt any sort of affection for anybody, including me. she said she was closing herself off to the world and didn't want me as a boyfriend because it was too much stress. however, she said she still wanted me to hang out with her all of the time, but just as a friend. i tried this, but of course i was heartbroken most of the time because our relationship wasn't what i wanted it to be. also, she developed an abusive attitude towards me. often times putting me down, saying hurtful things, or starting fights with me over nothing. also, she was very unstable. some days she was in the best mood and would be so happy to see/talk to me. other days she was very distant and unresponsive to me. the ups and downs with her were just so ridiculously crazy, i couldn't take it anymore. now i'm left wondering if i made the right decision... Link to post Share on other sites
karamall Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 it seems she's gone through a crazy, emotional time, did she tell you anything about her depression? That of course, doesn't justify herbehavior towards you. How did she react when you broke things off with her? It seems healthy, that you had to protect yourself from her hurting you that way, but maybe with some time off, you can approach her again and find out how she feels about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 7, 2010 Author Share Posted June 7, 2010 it seems she's gone through a crazy, emotional time, did she tell you anything about her depression? That of course, doesn't justify herbehavior towards you. How did she react when you broke things off with her? It seems healthy, that you had to protect yourself from her hurting you that way, but maybe with some time off, you can approach her again and find out how she feels about it? ya, she was actually very open and good explaining how she was feeling and why she was feeling it. i'm not so sure about the whole approaching her thing, though. when i broke it off, she was more than just angry. she flipped out and said some VERY VERY mean things to me. she also told me to stop talking to all of her friends and family members. i dunno, seems like she would not appreciate me contacting her, what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
karamall Posted June 7, 2010 Share Posted June 7, 2010 hmm, it sounds like, she felt left alone, while she was going through a tough time, but at the same time she was being hurtful towards you too. It seems natural that she was being angry, because you rejected her. All break ups go in hand with frustration and some resentment. I guess the only way to find out is making contact and tell her honestly how you feel about her and your reasons to break it off. I mean you said you were the one who broke off the "friendship", but it was her that broke off the "relationship". So I guess it's a matter of defining, what you'd be getting back to and if that really is what either of you want? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 i know what you mean. i'm just scared that if i contact her, it will set me back to square one with how depressed i've been feeling. i feel like i've maybe made at least a little progress getting over this whole thing, i couldn't bear having to start all over again, and i fear contacting her would do just that. i'm so lost, i don't know what to do... thank you so much for talking with me about this, it does help! Link to post Share on other sites
karamall Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 it's actually a little self-therapeutic for me too, so thanks to you, i am not stalking my ex for now....i am in the situation, where he broke off with me, because, I was actually acting a bit like your girlfriend....i wish my ex would think the way you do, but it's probably too fresh, to be able to talk to each other now. It's so hard not to have contact...! I guess we have to look at things and decide what really is a healthy relationship and not, and whether it's worth working it out...and here i am, giving advise and am a total mess myself. I have been contacting him every day, since break up, which is wrong i know and just getting more jealous not having him in my life and seeing that he's moving on from me.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 that's funny you say that, because i want nothing more than for my ex to contact me. i'm just so scared of contacting her because i'm afraid of getting a negative response. i really believe that i'm in love with this girl, since i can remember, it has never been so hard for me to get over someone. but i guess sometimes things just don't work out and the best thing to do is just leave the other person alone for awhile. i just keep telling myself that, if it's meant to be, maybe she will contact me sometime in the near future. and maybe by that time i will have moved on, who knows. but yes, sites like this are definitely helpful because talking to someone in the meantime definitely works, at least a little bit. i'm glad that i could help in any way possible. we are both in a ton of pain, and, you know what they say, misery loves company! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Do NOT contact her! You've been doing so well- and by the sounds of things you did the right thing by breaking it off with her. If she was demonstrating anger, abuse and instability in the last couple of months, you are so much better off taking a long break. It was incredibly selfish of her to tell you she didn't want to continue on with a romantic relationship, yet expected you to hang around and endure her abusive mood swings. What you did was make a good decision for yourself. Unless she gets some help for her depression, she's not dating material. If she started demonstrating these characteristics after only 2 months- imagine what staying with her would have entailed in another 2 months, or even a few years down the road. You deserve the benefits of a stable relationship with a loving partner that cares as much about your well being as you do about theirs. You've come a long way in only a few weeks- as much as you can't see it now- each day will get better. If you break contact, be prepared to go right back to square one. Link to post Share on other sites
Coldhearted22 Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Heres the thing, I totally feel ya on contacting her. I did it to my x who cheated on me, we slept together for 3 days and she texted the guy she met in vegas the whole time. Now shes visiting her mom on an island, have i got any contact from her? hell no, but i bet if i could see her phone shed be texting every other guy whos talking to her. If your girl really loved you, she wouldnt of just wanted to be friends. My x told me the same **** after we broke up. "Well i really like you and still wanna hangout"...F that, they dont realize guys like us woulda done anything for them, i would kill for her to feel the same way i did about her. Its the worst feeling man, Im headin to bed but i know ill just sit there wondering whos name shes calling to tonight, she aint thikin about me, and your x wasnt thinkin about you, or she wouldnt of said those mean things, or told you that crap, she woulda begged you to fix it, did some thing drastic to save it if you meant that much to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cyanide_catharsis Posted June 8, 2010 Author Share Posted June 8, 2010 thanks for all of your help everybody. i'm still not contacting her, even though it has been VERY hard for me not to do so recently. last night i almost picked up the phone and texted her (i deleted her number from my phone, but managed to unintentionally MEMORIZE it beforehand, haha). i stayed strong though. it's just that sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing. sometimes i feel like if i would have acted differently, that we would still be together and i would not be in this situation. coldhearted, the more i read about your story, the more it makes me think that everything my ex was just saying to me about being friends was just bullsh*t. she told me the same exact stuff when she ended the relationship. the weird thing about it is, even though the relationship was done, she continued to want to see me all of the time. unfortunately, i obliged her for about a month and a half. now i regret that. if i would have just been strong and ended things when she told me she did not want to have me as a boyfriend anymore, i would have a month and a half head start on my no contact with her. thanks again everybody for the help! i will try and continue to remain strong! Link to post Share on other sites
S.Tee Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 Good for you, being strong is a hard thing to do, but always a wise thing to do. Hopefully she will realize her mistakes and flashback how good you had treated her and she is losing an unreplacable boyfriend. The next step of action relies on her now, if your destiny meant for each other, she will be back. Your relationship is still early, maybe both of you need to understand each other more. At times, different characters makes the best couple. Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovecake Posted June 8, 2010 Share Posted June 8, 2010 (edited) karamall, we were together for about two months and everything was so wonderful. she made me completely fall for her by telling me the most wonderful things (how she loved me SO much, she never felt this strongly for a guy before, she would love me forever, blah blah). i felt completely secure with her. then, about two months in, she told me she was starting to go through some sort of depression relapse, where she no longer felt any sort of affection for anybody, including me. she said she was closing herself off to the world and didn't want me as a boyfriend because it was too much stress. however, she said she still wanted me to hang out with her all of the time, but just as a friend. i tried this, but of course i was heartbroken most of the time because our relationship wasn't what i wanted it to be. also, she developed an abusive attitude towards me. often times putting me down, saying hurtful things, or starting fights with me over nothing. also, she was very unstable. some days she was in the best mood and would be so happy to see/talk to me. other days she was very distant and unresponsive to me. the ups and downs with her were just so ridiculously crazy, i couldn't take it anymore. now i'm left wondering if i made the right decision... [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]So in reality she broke up with you and you hung on for dear life “as a friend” for two months. That's very different, no wonder you're still pining, you were rejected. You didn't want to let her go but she took your power away by telling you she doesn't want to be in a relationship the same way you do. It's normal to go through that, you want that pain of rejection to go away so you think if only you two can get back together you'll feel better. What you are thinking about is what you want her to be not who she really is. Like other people said give it time, stay busy and sooner or later you’ll start to forget about her. Edited June 8, 2010 by Ilovecake Link to post Share on other sites
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