2ndthymearound Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 (edited) I am separated from my husband right now and we both want to work it out. We needed to be apart because the fighting was bad and we didn't want to do it in front of our 4 yr old son. We are going to see a counselor in 2 days, in the meantime I have been reading a lot of different things and I found something that I've never heard of before. Women want love and respect but they really crave love more and men want love and respect but they really crave respect more. When I say respect I mean not nagging him, criticizing him, belittling him...I was doing ALL of these things. I totally respect my husband and had no idea that doing these things made him feel like I didn't respect him. It's just like I took his not hugging on me and kissing on me to mean that he didn't love me, even though he does. My husband and I have been able to be around each other more the last few days and yesterday we spent the whole day together. I didn't nag him and I didn't criticize him about anything. It was a great day and we really enjoyed being around each other. When it was time for him to leave all he did was say goodbye, no hug or kiss. Later on I asked him why he didn't kiss me goodbye and he said that he didn't want to rush things. I totally respected that and I understood. However,it felt a little like I was the only one trying and now I am wondering if trying to be more respectful means that I have to change who I am. We are terrible at communciating, he gets really defensive so I can't say anything. I know that we will talk about all of this in counseling, I just wondered what other people think about this. Edited June 7, 2010 by 2ndthymearound
What_Next Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I can understand where your husband is coming from. My wife and I are in a similiar position right now. I am out of the house for a few days to give her space. I am extremely anxious when we speak because I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. We too are starting MC this coming Monday. I am hopeful that we can work things out but I am ready to face that we may not. Let me know how the MC goes and what your opinions of it are if you wouldn't mind. I have no idea how to prepare for it. Then again I think I should just not prepare and just go and see where it leads. Good luck!
Author 2ndthymearound Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 I will def come back and tell you how it was. In a way I can't wait to talk about things and then on the other hand I'm scared of what I might hear. I talked to the counselor today and she kind of told me what we would be doing the first session. It's just going to be her getting our background and asking us what we want out of the therapy. I am hoping that maybe hearing him say to her that he wants to work it out will make me feel better. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster, I have good days and bad days. I too feel very anxious to talk to my husband, he's not a very open person to begin with, I feel like I am walking on eggshells. We are able to be around each other so he's been coming to our house more often.
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