worlybear Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 My ex is living with ow- and divorce is pending. I know that everything is over. I just want to ask if its likely their relationship will last- I have no contact with him other than with solicitors and I know it shouldn't matter to me if it lasts or not- but it does matter to me. I don't want him back but I hate the thought that their cheating behaviour pays off- they have disrupted and ruined so many lives with their selfishness and it seems so unfair that it may work out for them- I just want to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience?
califnan Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 My ex is living with ow- and divorce is pending. I know that everything is over. I just want to ask if its likely their relationship will last- I have no contact with him other than with solicitors and I know it shouldn't matter to me if it lasts or not- but it does matter to me. I don't want him back but I hate the thought that their cheating behaviour pays off- they have disrupted and ruined so many lives with their selfishness and it seems so unfair that it may work out for them- I just want to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience? ---------------------- Marriages based on adultery are not blessed. As for experience, I know of two men who married the same woman about 17 yrs apart.. I have heard that both men lived to regret it - but in their latter years and getting sick, and with great money loss - they couldn't turn back .. (While the men die off, it almost seems like the OW never get theirs .. ha)
Spark1111 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 My ex is living with ow- and divorce is pending. I know that everything is over. I just want to ask if its likely their relationship will last- I have no contact with him other than with solicitors and I know it shouldn't matter to me if it lasts or not- but it does matter to me. I don't want him back but I hate the thought that their cheating behaviour pays off- they have disrupted and ruined so many lives with their selfishness and it seems so unfair that it may work out for them- I just want to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience? No, not personally, but we were close, very close, to this scenario after DDAy, and I understand the pain of rejection. It's devastating. I think this is where the adage, "Living well is the best revenge," comes into play to help you heal. Take the high road and be the best person you can be for yourself. I told myself that end the end of my days, I and everyone die alone, and I wanted to be able to look back at a life fully lived, joyous, and filled with integrity. I did not, would not, allow the actions of others to define me. Unless people make an effort to change their behavior, that behavior follows them wherever they go and into any relationship they enter into. You cannot control others and what they do or do not do. You can only change your reactions to them; you can only change yourself. Change it for the better, so that you never regret your actions, your words your conduct towards all. Good luck to you.
CrayonAngel Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 ((((worlybear)))) sorry for your pain. It is not likely they will live hapily ever after, relationships starting with lies usually have a hard time because there will always be mistrust. There are the few that actually survive but the statistics say it all. BUT....should it matter? you should make them your very last concern! They don't deserve your thoughts, or worry. Like spark said..live well. be happy. It happens all too often where the WS comes back to the happy "movin on" BS...my parents are a perfect example! My dad would take my mom back in a heartbeat, 12 years later.. like I've heard someone else talk about before.. plan his "funeral" in your mind. Close that door and imagine a happy life without him. You will be thankful you got out now..It will take time.
pepperpatty Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Probably not. A few do. My ex left, married OW fairly quickly after our divorce, and their marriage is a distant, cold mess, and he wants me back. That doesn't always happen, but I do know how you feel. I had gotten to the point where I wished them the best, but not without a long struggle of hoping they would crash and burn. I didn't even want him back, just didn't think they had a right to happiness at the price of the pain it had caused me. Then I stopped caring because I was happy through and through and love the life I have now. You'll get there too, just always keep aiming for that.
whichwayisup Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 My ex is living with ow- and divorce is pending. I know that everything is over. I just want to ask if its likely their relationship will last- I have no contact with him other than with solicitors and I know it shouldn't matter to me if it lasts or not- but it does matter to me. I don't want him back but I hate the thought that their cheating behaviour pays off- they have disrupted and ruined so many lives with their selfishness and it seems so unfair that it may work out for them- I just want to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience? Considering it started off as an affair and there was lying, betraying, going on, it is possible it won't work out. The intensity and affair fog goes away, he may realize 'wtf did I do, things aren't as I thought'd they be..' and they'll break up. Or, it'll work. It's anyone's guess right now. Just know, HOW they got together, there will be trust issues .. Let alone the fallout of friends, family etc. Depends on how strong their bond is and if they are actually "inlove" or "inlust". Time will tell. Sorry you're hurting and I hope you find peace, happiness in the near future.
NoIDidn't Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I'm not judging you for your feelings. I couldn't imagine how I'd actually feel in your situation. I am so sorry for your pain and hope you and your family are able to move through it and past it soon. Its so tempting to be more concerned about those that hurt us than about our own future. Its like we get stuck in the 'if this hadn't happened, we'd be doing...." stage. This has to be hard for you. (((worly)))
Author worlybear Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 Thank you for the responses. I know there's no real way of knowing what will happen but it's helpful to get replies. I have always strongly believed in being honest and hope that what goes around comes around. I have a lot of very difficult issues in my life at the moment and its hard to see a positive way forward but thanks for replying.
kuma Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Thank you for the responses. I know there's no real way of knowing what will happen but it's helpful to get replies. I have always strongly believed in being honest and hope that what goes around comes around. I have a lot of very difficult issues in my life at the moment and its hard to see a positive way forward but thanks for replying. worlybear, He may have gained OW, but he's lost the respect of his own family. When your daughter grows up, she won't respect him. That'll be the saddest thing in his life. He knows it but doesn't tell you that. Take care of yourself and your family. I'm sorry you're going through this. No one deserves to be treated like this.
OWoman Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 My ex is living with ow- and divorce is pending. I know that everything is over. I just want to ask if its likely their relationship will last- I have no contact with him other than with solicitors and I know it shouldn't matter to me if it lasts or not- but it does matter to me. I don't want him back but I hate the thought that their cheating behaviour pays off- they have disrupted and ruined so many lives with their selfishness and it seems so unfair that it may work out for them- I just want to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience? Worly - their R may or may not work out. During the A your xH demonstrated some poor coping techniques. Unless he's prepared to work on those and change how he deals with complex situations of conflicting demands, loyalties and loves, chances are he'll be dragging those same poor R skills around with him in their R - and chances are, their R will suffer for it. Without the work, nothing changes. Things worked out post-A for my H and me - because we were prepared to do all the hard work to make sure that the bad patterns of relating he'd developed in his previous M didn't become patterns in our M, and that habits and ways of being that I'd developed from my years in sole control didn't cause friction, similarly. It takes a good deal of effort, self-awareness and investment. If they don't do that, their chances may not be great. You're taking your lessons and taking charge of your life. Your chances, OTOH, are looking better and better. Hang in there
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