thats what i said Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 So I met this guy online and met him for a date last night and while there were no sparks, I was interested and willing to give it another date. Well, he texted me this morning and told me I had to plan the next date... Admittedly, no guy has ever asked me that before (at least prior to 5 or so dates) and I'm not sure why this guy is. I mean, I guess I don't mind planning it but thought it was slightly odd... Any thoughts?
Sivok Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 If this guy lost his assertion that quick, have fun planning everything you two do in the future!
Author thats what i said Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 If this guy lost his assertion that quick, have fun planning everything you two do in the future! Do you think that's what it is? That he lost his assertion? I mean, I guess I did end the date a little earlier than he had wanted...
Sivok Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 In all honesty I think it's a very odd move on his part. I don't tend to do that either until at least past the 3rd date. I'll collaborate of course, but I wouldn't throw it completely on her shoulders on date two - it's just a turnoff. If you want, I'd recommend taking him to a setting that you're comfortable in/enjoy and see how he accustoms to it. If he seems to lack depth and act like a tag along, that'll bring this first red flag into true fruition. If it goes well, then you can decide what to do from there
that girl Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think there are two possibilities. 1- He's mega laid back to the point of passivity and if you date him you will have to make all the plans. This might not be a bad thing depending on your personality. 2- He is a guy who lives and dies by dating manual games and he is trying to be a challenge. If you're a game player, you'll be well matched, but otherwise I would head for the hills. To me, it depends on how into him you are whether or not I would plan the first date, but I'd be watching him closely.
paddington bear Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I've had this. He wants to be chased because he's not that bothered and will let you do all the work, rather than him realising that he's into you and trying to impress you with his plans for date 2. If there were no sparks on your side, liklihood is that there were none on his side either. Perhaps you are both at the same place, no major sparks but willing to give it another shot. It's good to be open to someone despite there not being a major wow factor from the offset...but him wanting you to woo him, is a bad sign and I would politely make excuses and cancel the second date and move on.
pantherj Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Just tell him the truth that you didn't really feel a spark and you're not interested. Or would you like to pick him up and drive him around? Seems like that's where things are headed
Krytie TV Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Wow, you guys sound a bit bitter and paranoid. Maybe he wants to see what you're interested in. What you choose to do on a date tells him a lot about you. And maybe he also wants to know that you aren't looking for a sugar daddy who will make all the plans for you so you don't have to do a darn thing but paint your toenails. Or, like you all say, maybe it's the sign of a psychotic serial killer.
FoxMulder Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 He wants to be chased because he's not that bothered and will let you do all the work Yeah just like women do all the time...
Ihavenoidea Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 He has probably met so many women that blow him off or arent interested at the first date he asked you to plan it so he can guage your interest level in him, to determine whther he is wasting his time or not
FoxMulder Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 I think there are two possibilities. 1- He's mega laid back to the point of passivity and if you date him you will have to make all the plans. This might not be a bad thing depending on your personality. 2- He is a guy who lives and dies by dating manual games and he is trying to be a challenge. If you're a game player, you'll be well matched, but otherwise I would head for the hills. To me, it depends on how into him you are whether or not I would plan the first date, but I'd be watching him closely. Women are always passive and let's the man make all the plans.... but then it's ok right?
Krytie TV Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 He has probably met so many women that blow him off or arent interested at the first date he asked you to plan it so he can guage your interest level in him, to determine whther he is wasting his time or not Excellent post. I remember feeling like this a few times back in the day.
Mary3 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 He has probably met so many women that blow him off or arent interested at the first date he asked you to plan it so he can guage your interest level in him, to determine whther he is wasting his time or not I think you hit the nail on the head with this one....
paddington bear Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Yeah just like women do all the time... thing is...yeah this is not fair, but it's not just sexual stereotypes. Men like the chase, they lose interest if they get a girl too easily. As soon as you, as a woman, are being nudged to do 'the man's job' IME it means he has a total lack of interest in you and merely needs an ego boost. I've seen it time and time again. Might not be fair or right. But men and women are wired different when it comes to pursuing members of the opposite sex.
FoxMulder Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 thing is...yeah this is not fair, but it's not just sexual stereotypes. Men like the chase, they lose interest if they get a girl too easily. As soon as you, as a woman, are being nudged to do 'the man's job' IME it means he has a total lack of interest in you and merely needs an ego boost. I've seen it time and time again. Might not be fair or right. But men and women are wired different when it comes to pursuing members of the opposite sex. Far from all men like the chase... But women expect the man to initiate every date and every contact, and then if he doesn't want to do all the work the women say he is not that intrested, when infact he is putting in more effort than you ever will. As a man I think it's ridicilous. I think women are simply selfish, they want the man to do all the work and initiate every single thing while they just sit back and do nothing. this whole "men like the chase" is just an excuse so you don't have to do anything... ALOT of men don't like to chase at all.
paddington bear Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Far from all men like the chase... But women expect the man to initiate every date and every contact, and then if he doesn't want to do all the work the women say he is not that intrested, when infact he is putting in more effort than you ever will. As a man I think it's ridicilous. I think women are simply selfish, they want the man to do all the work and initiate every single thing while they just sit back and do nothing. this whole "men like the chase" is just an excuse so you don't have to do anything... ALOT of men don't like to chase at all. Ah yes, I used to think along those lines too and try to do my bit. And was labelled as clingy and needy and that was the end of that.
Enema Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 He shouldn't have asked you to plan the date, you're just a woman!
alphamale Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 So I met this guy online and met him for a date last night and while there were no sparks, I was interested and willing to give it another date. sparks are instantaneous, why would you think that sparks would erupt on a second date? drop this loser
ADF Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I can only think of two reasons why a guy would insist a woman he just met plan their 2nd date. Neither are very encouraging: 1) He's lazy and/or unimaginative. He either doesn't want to be bothered with planning anything, or can't think of anything. So he wants to make it your problem. 2) He's testing you, seeing how much crap you'll put up with. Asking a woman you've only just met to plan your evening for you takes some chutzpa. Most women would tell a guy like that to get stuffed. But this guy is so cocky he not only believes you'll do it, but wants to see how much trouble you'll go through to impress him.
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