amused Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 So I have this good friend an ocean away that I developed a strong crush on while she was in the states studying abroad at my school. Over the course of a few months we became good friends, but at a certain point I felt more and more strongly towards her, but really didn't show it because of the distance factor and the fact I figured she only thought of me as a friend ( I never told her and wont see her in person for several months), except a particular circumstance where during the last two nights before she left she slept in my bed with me and on the last night cuddled with me (head on stomach) before we fell asleep. Nothing close to sexual occurred, but I'm confused a little on if it was anything more than just the friend comfort factor or a sign she thinks of me as more than a friend. But if she did, why would she do this, knowing that we wouldnt see each other for a looong time? Should I just settle on the fact that in all likelihood she just considered me a very comforting friend who she knows wouldn't take her affection the wrong way, or am I not totally crazy for thinking it could have been a subtle sign of something else? Ha, I know it's hard to tell without knowing the people in question, just curious to hear the opinions on this and such. Thanks!
carhill Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 So, it's summer. Transit said ocean and visit your 'friend'. See how it goes. Her response to your interest in a visit will be telling. Good luck
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think you're basically on the right track. Men almost never go out of their way to cultivate purely platonic relationships with women. Almost never. If a man makes any effort to befriend a woman, he usually is hoping for a romantic or sexual connection at some point. But that isn't true of women. Women will make efforts to cultivate platonic friendships with men. You're right not to assume your friend sees you more than a friend just because you, a man, would in the same circumstances. That said, my own view is that LDR are usually a bad idea. They rarely work out well, and are fraught with all kinds of tension and heartache before the final break. It is very difficult for most people to their needs met by a partner who is many miles away. If you want to pursue something with this woman, and if she is interested, try to close the distance between you asap. That will give you the best chance of success.
Author amused Posted June 8, 2010 Author Posted June 8, 2010 carhill, Unfortunately that is not an option this summer due to my work, but darnit I wish it was!
Bogo123 Posted June 8, 2010 Posted June 8, 2010 Do you flirt with her at all? See if she flirts back. Test her physical boundaries. Try kissing her.
Author amused Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 I wouldn't say I flirted but I definitely gave her many back massages and did teasy type stuff too, which usually she started. It's hard to kiss someone through a computer screen!
Cracker Jack Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 I think the potential was there. Perhaps she didn't if you felt the same, and that probably made her reluctant to make it clear. No telling. Based on what you've said, though--I wouldn't be surprised if she had feelings for you.
carhill Posted June 9, 2010 Posted June 9, 2010 carhill, Unfortunately that is not an option this summer due to my work, but darnit I wish it was! Here's a simple rule: If work does not 'provide' one the time to have a romantic interest or relationship, meaning the pressing of flesh, then one should not be actively pursuing said interest or relationship. IMO, everything, including work, is a choice, and we 'choose' what we do with our lives and the time which makes them up. If work is the priority, own that and don't worry about romance or friend-zones. Trying to 'have it all' often ends up being an empty satchel. I learned this concept from very successful people who are amazingly adept at prioritizing their time and directing their interest in healthy ways. Nowadays, when dating, a person who is 'busy', and *presents* oneself that way, is a person on a different path. I wish them well on that path. If you don't wish to kiss a computer screen but rather soft, warm human lips, you have to make a choice. I hope it works out for you, this summer and in the future. Many choices to make.
Author amused Posted June 9, 2010 Author Posted June 9, 2010 Actually you're probably exactly right, carhill.
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