AmeliaApple Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 How do you know it is time to end it? My husband and I are currently in marriage counseling, but I'm questioning what I am really hoping to get out of it. Luckily...he is away this summer so it's as if I have three months of separation. I'm trying to use this time to really clear my head and figure this out. I'm not sure it's the right thing to have some type of "time line" established, but I don't want to let it go on forever. Life is too short. After going to counseling, I realized that I've been considering our relationship's health for about 1.5 years prior to going into counseling six months ago. I know that my history with relationships is that I have a tendency to hold on and on and on. We are both intelligent and love each other, so why can't we figure this out? I don't want to realize 5 years down the road that we should have cut our losses when we should have.
tojaz Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I think thats different for everybody, but for my .02 I would say that I would only end it after I knew in my heart that I had truly done all i could to save it or the damage done was to great to recover from. Both are tall orders and not decisions to take lightly or in a rush. The decision to end your marriage not only effects you but your spouse, your families, your friends. I dont have the details of your situation so I can't give an opinion though. TOJAZ
You Go Girl Posted June 10, 2010 Posted June 10, 2010 I think thats different for everybody, but for my .02 I would say that I would only end it after I knew in my heart that I had truly done all i could to save it or the damage done was to great to recover from. Different for everybody and yet the same for everybody--the part I underlined. Tojaz is spot on.
Author AmeliaApple Posted June 11, 2010 Author Posted June 11, 2010 Yes...I've heard that there is no specific answer, but man...sometimes I wish there were. I do love him. I sort of committed to that mentality that I will do everything to save our marriage, but if it comes to a point that I realize that he isn't willing to do the same (which, quite frankly, I'm not sure he is), then I will have to admit the reality to myself (lovely run-on sentence that I'm too tired to fix). Thanks for taking the time to post. I don't know why life can be so complicated, but it is. We are better to and more honest with those that we don't know than the ones we vowed to love; it makes no sense. The older I get the more I question monogamy. I also wonder if the reward of commitment does finally come in the end...as in, the end of a long relationship. A relationship that has survived falling in, out, in, out, and back in love over time. Or maybe it doesn't. Perhaps part of being in a relationship is to truly learn who you are and that you don't need anyone else. It sucks to say that, but the longer I'm with my husband the more clear it is to me that I do not need anyone. I know, without a doubt, that the only person I can count on when in need is myself. I actually realized this because of our relationship. Because he has let me down when I really needed him and I survived because of me...not him...not us. So, what is the point of a marriage? I thought it was for support, love, comfort, but I provide all those things for myself. He's gone for the summer on an internship and my counselor asked me how I was doing since he left. The honest answer was that it was not very different from when he is here. I don't really do any more in regard to housework or feel like I'm more lonely....I feel just as lonely as when he is here. I just don't have to listen to him complain about being hungry without--seemingly--the ability to remedy that for himself, or the house being clean or not, or have to do his laundry. Truly, the loneliness is about the same. Anyway...emotionally tired. Thanks for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. A
Recommended Posts