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Mother moving in...

rina_r

By rina_r
in Family

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carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
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I am the only one, child of convenience in addition to all. And i do have a boyfriend, but is one from "high society", extremely polite etc. so we cant be behaving like teenagers. :)

That makes sense, as, in my M, I noted my own psychological/sociological differences, being an only child versus stbx's, being one of five, wrt 'dealing' with parents. I often felt overwhelmed where she would rather just be angry and defer it off to another sibling. In that sense, I can empathize, and I did have a healthy, loving relationship with my mother.

 

I think, in time, a healthy path will present itself. Hang in there :)

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rina_r Established Member

rina_r

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Yes, carhill, i think the path will come.

As far as what i am gonna do...She is coming on July 2nd. She already hired 2 guys to move some furniture for her. I am not going to to look for a roommate for her, or do anything - my life is way too busy for that. Once she comes here, she will have to either become independent and start doing things on her own, or leave. There wont be any babysitting provided by me. I play sports competitively, so I am not at home much anyway. All I am providing is shelter and advice.

Thanks to you all. I like reading your opinions. I will definitely post later as to how things are going.:)

LuckyCharm Established Member

LuckyCharm

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You must read the rest of my post Angel.

 

We took my brother-in-law in - But he and his friends became such a handful and with me (and with my twin babies) .. That as soon as he was able - we got him to put a payment on an apartment .. I took great joy in going to the market and filling his cupboards with groceries as a housewarming .. ha

 

Also I recommended that she could get her mother established .. and that she would leave her mother with the apt, and then get her own living accomodations once again ..

 

That's a nice idea, but not when it comes down to her mother...sounds just like my mother and I don't see why she has to take her in, she's not moving where rina lives so she can find a better job/apartment, she's been more than clear she's moving in and never leaving so her rina can provide for her.

 

Uh, why not just tell her you will put down the payment for a week at a budget motel for her? I would totally do that for a parent, regardless of anything they had/have ever done.

 

I don't see why she needs to put down even a dime for her mother, her mother doesn't sound like she's in bad condition. Maybe you would do that for your parents and i don't know what kind of a relationship you have with them but I can totally relate to rina and since her mother isn't doing her any good.

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rina_r Established Member

rina_r

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I don't see why she needs to put down even a dime for her mother, her mother doesn't sound like she's in bad condition. Maybe you would do that for your parents and i don't know what kind of a relationship you have with them but I can totally relate to rina and since her mother isn't doing her any good.

 

Exactly! Thanks!

LuckyCharm Established Member

LuckyCharm

Posted
Posted
Yes, carhill, i think the path will come.

As far as what i am gonna do...She is coming on July 2nd. She already hired 2 guys to move some furniture for her. I am not going to to look for a roommate for her, or do anything - my life is way too busy for that. Once she comes here, she will have to either become independent and start doing things on her own, or leave. There wont be any babysitting provided by me. I play sports competitively, so I am not at home much anyway. All I am providing is shelter and advice.

Thanks to you all. I like reading your opinions. I will definitely post later as to how things are going.:)

 

Your right, you don't have to look for a roommate for her, she's a grown up and can do that herself.

I don't seem to understand, are you letting her move in with you?

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rina_r Established Member

rina_r

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Your right, you don't have to look for a roommate for her, she's a grown up and can do that herself.

I don't seem to understand, are you letting her move in with you?

 

Yes, she comes on the 2nd...I will not provide anything but shelter. I prepareda list of employment agencies for her to pay a visit to, edited her resume, got her a map, will lend her my GPS and this is it.

LuckyCharm Established Member

LuckyCharm

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Yes, she comes on the 2nd...I will not provide anything but shelter. I prepareda list of employment agencies for her to pay a visit to, edited her resume, got her a map, will lend her my GPS and this is it.

 

I wish you the best of luck, I still don't think it's a good idea but then again it's your life. :)

Angel1111 Established Member

Angel1111

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Posted
I wish you the best of luck, I still don't think it's a good idea but then again it's your life. :)

 

I totally agree with this. The next time you post here, it will be about how much misery she's causing you, and then some months later, you'll be talking about how you want to shoot yourself, and how you can't get her to move out. This has got 'nightmare' written all over it.

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rina_r Established Member

rina_r

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I totally agree with this. The next time you post here, it will be about how much misery she's causing you, and then some months later, you'll be talking about how you want to shoot yourself, and how you can't get her to move out. This has got 'nightmare' written all over it.

 

Really?? Are you all clairvoyants here??? In any case, the decision is mine. If she finds a job and stays in my apatmt - i don't care. Then i can get another one. But if she doesn't - she will not stay:she is determined to go back in this case.

LuckyCharm Established Member

LuckyCharm

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I know you don't agree rina, but Angel is right. that's why I said I don't think it's a good idea. I hope I'm wrong but I don't think she's gonna be looking for a job, maybe just pretending to go to all those employment agencies. From what you said I just can't picture her getting a job/moving out, I think her motives are set but like I said I really hope I'm wrong and wish you the best of luck.

DaisyLeigh Established Member

DaisyLeigh

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Tell her that if she is insistant on moving in with you that it must be temporary .. at this time because the two of you do not have a smooth relationship, and you still have your young life before you ..

 

A vital 55 year old should not do this to her daughter unless it is temporal..

 

I suggest as soon as she is on her feet, either turn the apt over to her - and go elsewhere - or find her her own place..

 

 

I am confused. You toasted another poster for wanting his ADULT stepson to become self-sufficient. If FAAAAAMILY comes first with you, why wouldn't the same treatment be okay for and older family member, in your eyes?

 

And NO, I do not think that the OP needs to just let her mother move right in. My own mother is 63, still works fulltime, even though she had heart surgery two years ago and a scare with cancer a year later. She retires at 65, with her pension and full health benefits for life. So, I think that the OP's mother is just being as lazy as the adult stepson in the other thread.

 

I guess I just don't understand the hypocrisy.

Edited by DaisyLeigh
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