a cheating Hubby

[minny]

Hi - I am so stuck. My hubby cheated on me 3 years ago. It was while he was away with work and he said she understood him and the problems he was experiencing. He did tell me about it as he could not deal with the weight it was causing him not telling me. I though our marriage was fine. After he told me he left. I did the talking (and shouting) and tried to get us back on track. I was annoyed as when I said i needed all the details he was protecting her identity so I could not scream and shout (if I so chose to). He said he would never do it again and we decided to make a fresh start. I gave up my job and we moved withour son - he got a transfer so he stayed with the same company. A year into trying again I realised somethings never sat right with me and I challenged him due to these 'niggles'. His reaction told me he was still lying about the time scale of the affair etc. Rather than tell me the truth he left me for serveral months (he lived by himself). I was not till i started telling people what he left me for he decided to come clean with all the details which fit together. I promised if he told me the truth I would listed and i did and again had him back. I thought things would be different and he would make me feel good, special like I was important in his life. When we have littel rows and i get angry he says he's not going to 'put up with me shouting'. He doesn't want to talk about how he hurt me or how I feel about it now. It's just done and needs forgetting to move on! I still have doubts of if he truely loves me or just likes that together we are comfortable and I do all the sorting out of problems. I feel like the hired help and loved like it too. We recently rowed and i said i deserved better than him and was leaving and he just carrie don watching TV. I love him and feel silly for saying it and I miss him when we are apart. I just expected to be treated like I mean something to him - for him to prove that i do, not just busienss as usually.