Is it ever appropriate to go direct? And how can you stay motivated?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I'm just saying, I may have tried to chat up 4 girls in the past few weeks, but still, I probably see a dozen or more attractive girls every single day out on my daily routine. I really wish I could talk to all of them, but it's so hard to break through that fear-of-rejection when you have no source of external support or encouragement. How do you stay motivated?

 

Also, is it ever appropriate to just go direct? Like, if you see an attractive girl walking down the street or browsing in a store, to go up to her, skip all the boring small talk and the interrogation and just say "Miss, you are gorgeous! What is your name?"

[Confusedalways]

Interesting question. I often wonder how many people have LTRs with people whom they've met out randomly (ie, the store, starbucks) rather than other means of meeting people.

 

I don't know that I know anyone that has met randomly like that, but I imagine it's intimidating to be the approacher. Recently I've been thinking about trying it myself as a girl, but I find that being as bad as I am at guessing people's ages, I should probably not go that route. Anyway-- I think you need to look at is as something less personal and more of a "if she responds warmly, great, if not, no big deal." It's the simple switch in mindset that can make a huge difference. You've got to take a lot of shots to make some, you know?

 

I would think there's a certain type of girl who wouldn't mind being approached very directly, but not sure how many. I think a lot of people, myself included, would be uncomfortable with that.

[Trimmer]

Well, I'm not quite sure what to say in general, but I do know I wouldn't advise leading with "Miss..."

[Sivok]

Being that direct is high risk high reward - you'll be turned down a lot more than a more casual approach. Also, I think going in swinging with surface compliments like that will drop your value in her eyes

[LittleMissWonder]

With every rejection, you grow stronger & more invincible. Remember that. If you learn not to let rejection get you down, you will be unstoppable.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

With every rejection, you grow stronger & more invincible. Remember that. If you learn not to let rejection get you down, you will be unstoppable.

 

It's really hard not letting rejection get you down.

 

When you're putting yourself out there and you're trying to reach out to a girl and be sincere, but she doesn't reach out back to you, acts disinterested or even ignores you, it's more than frustrating. It hurts; it makes you feel like there's something wrong with you.

[paddington bear]

If someone said "Miss, you are gorgeous! What is your name?" in a bookstore or whatever, I think I would giggle, but avoid.

 

What you want to avoid is an air of desperation, doesn't matter what words you say if you are reeking of desperation and fear of rejection.

 

He who is genuinely confident rules.

 

1) Start with striking up conversation of any kind with no expectations of anything beyond that

 

2) Once you feel comfortable with that, then learn to recognise the difference between politeness and genuine interest. Don't push for more with those who politely respond. Those who seem intrigued move onto smootly asking them for a coffee or whatever

 

You can't skip to step two until you have got over step one. Why not just erase all negative experiences from your head and just remind yourself of the positive ones: Well, at least she smiled at me when I talked to her (erase that she declined to give her number), Well, at least I had the courage to talk to her in the first place (erase that you got nervous when you did). This will build up your confidence and make things easier.

 

If you are worried about getting rejected, it will happen. If you don't care about getting rejected, it will happen too sometimes, but you won't care and will gaily move on to the next one

[LittleMissWonder]

You are absolutely right. I never said it was easy. But it is a hump that once you get over, will take you far in many walks of life, not just relationships.

[ADF]

Hitting on random women is a bad idea. They are more likely to feel threatened than flattered.