SummerLady Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 My good friend has asked me for advice. Not sure how to answer this one. I have a tendency to be negative sometimes so this may not be a good one for me to give feedback directly. Her and her SO have been living together for 3 years, about to get engaged soon, per her. They have a good relationship overall. They fight sometimes like everyone does. Nothing big. She said when he gets real angry he says things like, "I will just pack my stuff and leave." According to her this reaction is not making sense as the fight is not a big fight so his words are to her dismay. He will apologize immediatley afterwards but my friend said she is starting to get a complex about this. He has said it a couple of times and now she is questioning the relationship. I know people say mean things when angry, I for one have in the past. This is not one I have used or heard really. Thoughts??
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Someone who threatens to walk out as a way of winning arguments is a child. He is trying to manipulate her, to get his way by playing on her fear of being abandoned. Tell her to let him go. Better yet, tell her to tell him that if he threatens to leave her again, she'll leave him. If he does, she should. For good. As a side note: make sure this "engagment" happens real soon, and that it is followed by a wedding within a year--two years, tops. My gut tells me this guy probably has no intention of getting married any time soon.
You Go Girl Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 The guy doesn't sound ready for marriage. I certainly wouldn't rush it. I'd hold back on getting married, talk to him about saying that, see if he improves, and if he does then get engaged, and if he doesn't...push him to follow through on his threat.
Shakz Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Yeah, I would advise her to say, "Don't let the screen door hit you on the way out." Now what's he going to do? Dumbass will be back knocking on the door 30 seconds later wanting to be let in, like a freakin' cat. To make it more interesting she should deliberately pick a fight with him on a rainy day.
allina Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I think there are certain lines you shouldn't cross, even during a heated argument. I definitely can have a temper but I have NEVER threatened to end my relationship, insulted my SO, cursed at my SO or said anything really out of line to my SO while we were fighting. I think that threatening to walk out on your partner is damaging and should not be acceptable. To me, it's one of those things you can't ever take back with an "I'm sorry, I was mad."
Author SummerLady Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Someone who threatens to walk out as a way of winning arguments is a child. He is trying to manipulate her, to get his way by playing on her fear of being abandoned. Tell her to let him go. Better yet, tell her to tell him that if he threatens to leave her again, she'll leave him. If he does, she should. For good. As a side note: make sure this "engagment" happens real soon, and that it is followed by a wedding within a year--two years, tops. My gut tells me this guy probably has no intention of getting married any time soon. I agree I think its a form of manipulation. People that really want to leave don't keep threatening they just leave. But I think its dirty fighting. Below the belt. I would understand if someone said it once, I will give anyone a pass one time, let's face it will all get pizzed off and say mean stuff but multiple times is not good..Its just not something you throw out there..
gullible Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 The solution is simple. The next time he says that say "Good bye", then move on and don't look back.
Recommended Posts