Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 So, my GF is generally very busy workwise and works 6 days/wk sometimes 12 hr days. We've been seeing each other for 4 months and while things haven't been perfect, they have been going very well. We usually see each other once a week on a week night and I stay until morning when we both head to work. However, early in the relationship, I would see her on her weekend day off at least once a month. Recently, I've noticed that even if she is free on the weekend, she has chosen to go out with new female friends from work over seeing me. On the occaision where a male co-worker was joining them, she opted to invite a male friend to come out instead of me. I find myself wondering whether this is a sign that she isn't that interested in me or if she just prefers we get our time alone and doesn't want to pull me into the rest of her life too quickly. For me, this is the first time I am getting to a point where I am not as busy with work and have more free time in the relationship. I'm curious to hear what your thoughts LS, especially the ladies. Am I just overthinking it because I now am the one with more time on my hands or is she just not that into me?
Cracker Jack Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 This is really a tough one. The "not wanting to mix you with the co-workers" can be valid, but it just seems funny to me. Based on everything here, it's seems like she doesn't go out of her way to see you--but maybe she's not doing it to be mean. Not sure, man. This is where communication in a relationship needs to be utilized. How old are the both of you?
Author Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Cracker jack, It is a tough one for me too. I would normally agree with you about that sentiment. However, given her schedule, it is a bit of labor for her to see me consistently and alone. I have met her co-workers once when they tagged along after happy hour with her to this club she was meeting me at. She is 25 and I am 27. As for communcation, we have talked about it she says she is busy and has alot of errands/ other friends to see as well with limited time. I have no problem with this, but I am wondering if she is using being busy as an excuse because she isn't that into me, but wants to keep me around for the time being. It isn't as if she is going to admit that to me.
Cracker Jack Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Ah, I see. So you guys aren't considerably young or anything. Well, this makes it even tougher. If you two talked about this already, then all you have to go by is what she told you. Honestly, do you feel as though your girlfriend would be the type to string you along? I guess it all comes down to how you feel at the end of the day. Perhaps you could be over-thinking it a bit, but really, it's kinda hard to tell at this point. I mean, your relationship is still in its early stages, so there are many aspects to it that have yet to be revealed. I doubt she's not into you, though.
Author Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 String me along on purpose, I don't believe so. However, she does tend to avoid talking about relationship issues. She also dislikes admitting things that aren't nice. I am gerenally the one that likes to bring things up these issues and pushes the honesty.
sagetalk Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Cracker jack, but I am wondering if she is using being busy as an excuse because she isn't that into me, but wants to keep me around for the time being. It isn't as if she is going to admit that to me. I'd say this is most likely.
Confusedalways Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 What I've learned the hard way is being busy is an excuse. I'm sorry but if my boyfriend and I were only seeing each other once a week there's no way I'd be inviting male co works out in lieu of him. I hope she isn't stringing you along but....
Cracker Jack Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 String me along on purpose, I don't believe so. However, she does tend to avoid talking about relationship issues. She also dislikes admitting things that aren't nice. I am gerenally the one that likes to bring things up these issues and pushes the honesty. I see. In that case, it seems like you're more into the relationship than she is. That...isn't a good thing--but this is just my observation. It just seems like you're more open than she is, and that's not good.
Author Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 I see. In that case, it seems like you're more into the relationship than she is. That...isn't a good thing--but this is just my observation. It just seems like you're more open than she is, and that's not good. I'm not going to disagree with you there and I know that is the case. She feels bad about not being able to devote more time to the relationship. However, I have given her the option of being in a casual non-exclusive relationship/ taking a break if the timing is bad and she is hesitant because of the thought of losing me. It would just piss me off if she wasted my time rather than being honest as I will be very busy with my career again in a few months and it will be more difficult to date then.
Ihavenoidea Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 lots of opinions yet you seem to be defending your GF or making up reason why this is happening almost to justify to yourself that everything is ok. In my opinion if she was into you she wouldnt invite another male friend over you to go do something. She does need to see her friends but its easy to lose interest in someone who you only see once a week. My guess is she is losing interest. I would talk to her about it first if she makes no effort to see you more then maybe move on.
D-Lish Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Yes, being busy IS an excuse, you should trust your gut on that one. If I was really into a guy, I would make a concerted effort to spend time with him. I'd also be proud to introduce him to my friends and co-workers.
Pfiend101 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 How frequently are you having sex? Every week when you stay over?
daphne Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I hate to jump the bandwagon but I think she may not be that into you. I was recently accused of being not into a guy enough because I had a lot going on at that time and it was a new thing so I was still trying to figure out how to juggle between work, prior commitments with friends and coworkers, errands and him. He got upset, but I was seeing him 3 times a week. And I was working long hours myself. Sometimes he'd just come over afterwards and we'd watch a movie. But I did want to see him more than once a week.
Author Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 (edited) Hey guys, thanks for the opinions. I'm not trying to defend her. It is simply that I have noticed a lot of mixed signals. Recently, I only see her on weekdays and we sometimes talk/text slightly less frequently. However, when we do talk/text, the conversations are significantly longer and she opens up more about her life/famliy/friends/etc. When we are together, she is very affectionate and caring. We don't have sex every week, but have a healthy sex life. The issue is my gut is split about whether she is just not into me or if she is taking it slow and being careful about inserting me into other parts of her life. I know she has been hurt previously when a bf of 2 yrs left her. I have met some of her friends/coworkers on a few occaisions, but I do feel a bit compartmentalized and I am not her necessarily her first call. The other issue in this is that she lives in the city and I live just outside in the city (60-90 min commute). Edited June 7, 2010 by Sanman
Pfiend101 Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 yeah, sounds like a tough one bro. If shes working that much it is definitely gotta be hard. If she was working part time the answer would be obvious.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 If I was really into a guy, I would make a concerted effort to spend time with him. I'd also be proud to introduce him to my friends and co-workers. I agree with D-Lish.
Author Sanman Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Thanks for the opinions guys. I think it was something I needed to hear. I'll probably talk to her a bit more and hang in there for a couple of more months. However, I'm definitely going to be careful about getting too emotionally involved with her.
Author Sanman Posted July 5, 2010 Author Posted July 5, 2010 Hey all, This thread has been on my mind and I figured that I would update it and use it to vent a bit. So, the week after I started this thread, we ended up breaking up. She told me she couldn't handle a relationship right now and the stress of it was bothering her. We decided to stay friends and have talked to each other a few times and had dinner once. The thing I am beginning to realize is that while I enjoy her company, the contact I have with her has felt a bit like pulling teeth on my part. We are supposed to see each other next month and I think I am going to give her some space until then and let her contact me if she feels like it. It is a shame really because, relationship or no relationship, there was this amazing person that I enjoyed spending time with and that enjoyed my company. I haven't seen that person in a couple of months and miss her. Anyway,thanks to all who replied and letting me hear something I didn't want to acknowlege.
northstar1 Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 Sorry to hear that. I've been in that spot where the person is always 'busy' and it feels like you are doing all the effort to fit in dates. It's not a good feeling but you also don't want to be a constant nag. I know when I've been really busy, if I was truly into a girl I was dating, I'd make the time, even if it meant sacrificing some other plans with work mates or other plans, so that the person knew I wanted to see them. Good luck.
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