Razzmatazz Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 My girlfriend and I have been dating for a couple of weeks now. Prior to that, we had been hooking up for about two months. I always pushed for something committed because I am not one to seek out multiple people at once, but she had just come out of a 2 and a half year relationship a few months before and didn't feel that she could commit to one person. After about a month and a half of our fling, she told me that she didn't feel like she wanted to be with anyone else besides me and wanted me to trust her because she thought that I had the idea in my head that she slept around, which she said she doesn't. A little less than a week later, she drank too much and ended up making out with another guy. That same night she came and told me that she had "****ed up" but didn't want to give me any details and was sorry. After prying, I found out that it had just been making out and she said that the whole time she felt like it was wrong but didn't know how to get out of the situation. She even texted her friend to "come rescue her", but her friend didn't have her phone on her. Although we weren't in a relationship at the time, I still felt very hurt given what she had said just a week earlier about not being with anyone else. After several long conversations, sometimes including fighting, we worked through it. A few days later she decided that she was ready to be in a relationship with me and had known for a few days but just wanted to make sure that she was sure about it. So about a week after her slip up, we became official. This was also during the last few days of the school year and we went to our respective homes a few days later. We live about 2 hours from one another. A few days into summer she came and stayed with me and we had a fantastic time and she told me that she has never felt like this about anyone before. When we are away from each other, we talk pretty much daily and she tells me how much she misses me and everything and I feel the same way. However, I am still struggling with the whole trust thing and often my mind goes to the worst possible scenario when I don't hear back from her after calling or texting. I have been doing work on myself regarding forgiveness, letting go, and trusting through meditation and what not, but I still will get very anxious and worry about what is going on when we are apart from each other. She has been great ever since we had started dating and she has done nothing to lead me to think otherwise, I just tend to always overthink and overanalyze things. I know when this event happened, we weren't officially in a relationship, but for some reason it is still having an effect on me and I am having a hard time shaking it off. I don't want to talk to her about it because I don't want to bring up the past again and sabotage a relationship that has a lot of potential.
Cracker Jack Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 There are some things that you just have to move on from. This is one of them. She stupidly made out with someone and it was wrong. However, you guys patched things up and continued on to a relationship; that alone shows you had enough trust still there to even give her a chance. Fact of the matter is this: You, as mentioned, were not exclusive with her at that point--so really, it should be a forgotten point. I think at this point you just need to enjoy the relationship and not focus on things that are completely out of your hands. If you believe she's the one for you, then you have to learn to trust her, man. There isn't much in a relationship without trust.
Author Razzmatazz Posted June 7, 2010 Author Posted June 7, 2010 Thank you. I really appreciate your input.
ADF Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 Frankly, I think you have good reasons for not being altogether trusting. First of all, people who say things like, "I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship" are full of it. That's just a bunch of BS. That just means they are not sure if they are ready for a relationship with YOU. In the end, she decided she did want a relationship with you, but her ambivelance about it in the beginning cannot help but make you feel insecure. Then there's this business of "I ended up doing X" with some guy. More BS. Nobody "ends up" doing things like that. It isn't like she slipped in the dark and fell into a hole, is it? No. She CHOSE to do X with this other guy, knowing full well you and she might be headed somewhere together. Again, how can you help not trusting her completely after something like that. You and your GF are obviously both products of the hook up culture, and now you're trying to act like grown ups for the first time. It is not going to be easy for either of you. You've both spent a good part of your sexually active lives hooking up with random people rather than managing real relationships. Best of luck.
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