jdblue03 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I will start from the beginning: I've been in a lesbian relationship for 4 years. We're both young, but I'm older than her. I'm almost 22 and she's 19. I've been with her since she was 14 and I was 17. We've been best friends, lovers, family for as long as we've been together. She's my other half. We've both made mistakes and have things we should work on like how we communicate with each other. There is no doubt that there is a lot of love between us. I truly feel she is my soul mate even though I'm young. In January, she broke up with me (one of those immature break ups that are supposed to result in an immediate get back together) because she felt like I wasn't available when she needed me. During the week I was an hour and half away from her at school and I would come home every weekend. When she broke up with me I was fueled by irritation about the immaturity of everything and with my own personal thoughts of curiosity about other people. So I didn't get back with her because I wanted to prove a point that I would not tolerate that and time apart so she could change (we were having trust issues but never really took the proper steps to rebuild us) and so could do what it is I wanted (she doesn't know about that). So for four months I pushed my feelings for her back through talking to other people, drinking more, and other recreational things. I never took any of it seriously or desired being in another relationship.. she's who I want at the end of the day. She's who I want in my future as my life partner. I know I'm young but I'm not too young to know I love her and that she's my soul mate regardless if some may believe in that or not. She asked for me back many times and I pushed it off and every time we saw each other I was always the one who got emotional. After discovering she was talking to someone else I started to show my emotions for her which I had completely hid during the previous months. I think it kind of scared her from me going to showing very little to an out pour of emotions. There were many phone calls, texts, and when we'd meet I'd cry. I just wanted her to come back home to me. I understand my faults in the situation and take full responsibility for it and prolonging it. The girl and her had been talking for 2 weeks and my ex claimed that she loved her and that this girl makes her happy. Last Sunday we talked on the phone and she said it would be best for us not to talk or communicate for a while, but that she cant see a future with anyone but me and that she loves me. But right now this is what is making her happy. It was hard for me not to contact her more after that because I was still emotionally distraught. She even told my mom that she would never let me go even beyond this world. YET a couple of days ago I got a text from her say she's going to let me go because its in my best interest and that I don't have her heart right now and she doesn't know where it will be tomorrow. And that I am always on her mind and she will ALWAYS love me. a night later her and the girl made their relationship official.. i saw this via facebook. The girl is completely opposite from me and what I know is not my ex's type even if I didn't fit that criteria. They met in a bar after the girl winked at her. She smokes all the time (my ex thought smoking was trashy and when she found out I smoked cloves from time to time socially she got mad and told me that I need to take care of my body if I planned on having children with her), she drinks a lot, and they go out to clubs or bars most of the time they are together, which my ex liked to go out but it wasnt her life. She is going to hair school and aspires to be a hairdresser, my ex plans to go to law school and get into politics, I'm going graduating soon and then getting my masters while I teach; I've been there through my ex's planning for her future and we built our lives around each other. I know people say not to do that, but we've been together for so long and have grown together. I think right now she's going through a phase and concerned with having a good time. I don't feel like its over between us, but I feel completely mind effed. How can you love someone so much and know they love you so much and be with them for so long and then just throw it away for a girl you met at a bar that she's known a month and supposedly loves... loving someone in 2 weeks? I just don't get it. Everyone from friends, to cousins, to her sister, her mom, and my mom say this isnt going to last and things will work out. I feel like no one understands the extent to my feelings for her. I will wait for her for as long as it takes; of course I'll be working on myself in the process and work on all the things that have hindered a healthy interaction with me. I can't see ANY one else in my future and i refuse to use a rebound to make my self feel better. I don't want to force anyone else into my puzzle and all I'll think at all the most important moments in my life that she is the one I truly want there. At the end of the day and the end result I just want my soulmate back. I know I need to give her the space and time and do the no contact thing, but I don't want to run the risk of not getting her back home. I love this girl unconditionally and I can't even properly put into words how strong my feelings are. Basically I just want someone else's opinion on everything. I know there is a lot I'm leaving out.
Recommended Posts