TwoForgiving Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 What kind of guy is this and is he worth my time? I've known this guy for a few years from work and I kind of like him. BUT - after ending his LTR, all this guy did was troll for a girlfriend - ANY girlfriend - that is my problem with him. I don't know if he was heartbroken over his LTR ending because he didn't talk about it but he started chatting with women on dating sites. He would tell everyone about it during our breaks at work. He was talking to 4 different women at the same time and when he talked about them it didn't sound like he really cared about any of them, he was just interested in finding one to date him. As it worked out, he ended up dating the first one that was willing to hook up with him. Honestly, when he talked about her it sounded as if he would've been okay with either of the 4, it didn't matter which one to him so long as they were willing to become his girlfriend. Even after he started to date one, he continued to flirt with the other 3 and with other women in the office until they became exclusive, which took all of 3 weeks into the relationship. Now, months later, that R has ended and he is available again. He hasn't mentioned that he is searching on dating sites but he has started to show interest to me at work. Getting involved with someone at work isn't an issue as I will be transferring to a different division soon across town but I can't help but wonder if his previous behavior with women is a red flag. He seems like a decent guy knowing him as a friend but I wonder about someone who was willing to get involved with a woman just because she was willing to sleep with him and if it hadn't been her he would have been just as happy if it was one of the other women. I don't see his behavior as that of a player but he did come across as needing to replace his ex-ex ASAP. Did he act that way back then because his LTR had ended? Would you view that as normal and is it possible that getting involved with him this time may lead to something more serious than a replacement for his ex-ex?
ADF Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 A player would have been cheating all through the course of his LDR. From what you described, it doesn't sounds like hwas doing that. LDRs are almost always a terrible idea, and often drive people a little crazy. I wouldn't read too much into his behavior. He was probably just heartbroken and desperate to make some connection with someone.
Serenitynow Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Hard to say. Any one of us could be curious of red flags if we know too much info about someone before we date them. You can take it slow and be cautious and see where it leads. I feel what someone has done in the past is in the past. What they show me now is what I deal with. Assumptions do nothing to help any situation.
Angel Pie Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Sounds like he was on the rebound- Maybe it was an ego boost to have women interested in him and he took whatever one was available. I would be cautious. If you end up dating him for a while and break up it could really hurt you if you find out hes doing the same thing to you. Also, when a person rebounds they never have time to heal and the issues they never dealt with after the breakup could still be lingering, and not just with the ex but with the rebound chick too.
TaurusTerp Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Sounds like a guy that just needs to be in a relationship all the time. You know, many women seem to want guys that desire commitment. Somehow it's a red flag for you. Hrmm.
Author TwoForgiving Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Sounds like a guy that just needs to be in a relationship all the time. You know, many women seem to want guys that desire commitment. Somehow it's a red flag for you. Hrmm. I want a guy that wants a commitment but I'm worried that this guy is only interested in me because he knows that I find him attractive and am available. I sure as hell don't want to get involved with a guy who is willing to take any woman as a girlfriend as he did in his previous relationship. He sure didn't portray his previous girlfriend as being special - just available. There's a world of a difference between wanting a commitment with someone and wanting a commitment with someone who thinks you are special to them.
Author TwoForgiving Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 Sounds like he was on the rebound- Maybe it was an ego boost to have women interested in him and he took whatever one was available. I would be cautious. If you end up dating him for a while and break up it could really hurt you if you find out hes doing the same thing to you. Also, when a person rebounds they never have time to heal and the issues they never dealt with after the breakup could still be lingering, and not just with the ex but with the rebound chick too. Should I leave him alone for a while? Without getting hurt, how can I find out if he is really ready for a serious relationship and not just another bandaid rebound?
Serenitynow Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 how can I find out if he is really ready for a serious relationship and not just another bandaid rebound? Here, borrow my mind reading hat. Guys get them handed out to them at puberty so we always know what women are thinking, since they only come on forums instead of talking to us directly.
You Go Girl Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Should I leave him alone for a while? Without getting hurt, how can I find out if he is really ready for a serious relationship and not just another bandaid rebound? You'll know. He'll do things, and say things, that reveal himself. Don't worry, just pay attention. He's going to give you all the clues to put the puzzle together. Be smart and safe.
sweetjasmine Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Sounds like a guy that just needs to be in a relationship all the time. You know, many women seem to want guys that desire commitment. Somehow it's a red flag for you. Hrmm. There's a difference between desiring commitment and being needy/co-dependent.
123BeachFan Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 In your experience, do you think this guy is emotionally healthy and well balanced? Do you think he has qualities you are looking for in a mate? Are you attracted to him? Do you connect with him? If the answers there are "yes," then go for it. Otherwise, keep him in Friendzone.
D-Lish Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 People do strange things after getting their heart broken. It's hard to say whether or not this behaviour is an isolated reaction to heartache; or a red flag. I think you'd have to continue to get to know him better in order to make that distinction.
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