lab_brat Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 (edited) I’ve been seeing a guy I work with for a few weeks now – I like him - except that both times after we've spent the night together, he's acted kinda distant for the next few days - no phone/email contact, at work he treats me like a distant colleague (like he didn’t bother to smile and say good morning). Them he seems to snap out of it and is so sweet again. He’s a typical left-brain- brilliant @math and physics, kinda socially inept in everything else, so I don’t even think he realises what he does (honestly cant imagine him doing it deliberately/maliciously), but it sucks. I’m not sure how to even bring it up because its so early on, without starting off ‘hey, so, sometimes you’re a bit of a jerk…?’ Any thoughts or advice please? Edited June 6, 2010 by lab_brat terrible spelling
mixwell Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I say he is possibly very intersted in you but trying not to appear too desperate etc.. I think if he is legit into you and you 2 have a few more encounters then maybe he will stop playing games but in the guys dating world is it usually taught to not appear desperate so maybe that is all he's doing..
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 I’ve been seeing a guy I work with for a few weeks now – I like him - except that both times after we've spent the night together, he's acted kinda distant for the next few days - no phone/email contact, at work he treats me like a distant colleague (like he didn’t bother to smile and say good morning). Them he seems to snap out of it and is so sweet again. He’s a typical left-brain- brilliant @math and physics, kinda socially inept in everything else, so I don’t even think he realises what he does (honestly cant imagine him doing it deliberately/maliciously), but it sucks. I’m not sure how to even bring it up because its so early on, without starting off ‘hey, so, sometimes you’re a bit of a jerk…?’ Any thoughts or advice please? Maybe its cause hes afraid to show you two are a item at work? allot of work places frown at workers hooking up. Not to mention the gossip aspect it could bring I don't think its you personaly dose he act the same outside of the work place?
Blade Runner Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 It could be that he's akward as you say. Some guys are totally clueless. However, you also have to look out for the fact that he might not be that into you. Like he'll be fine spending nights with you, but when it comes down to it, he might just not be 100% in. It's tough to tell with someone who's shy and awkward. When you say no phone contact etc - are you referring to him not initiating it, or does he not reply to your messages/calls?
Author lab_brat Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 thanks guys, i hope that he's just awkward n easily distracted. the work-dating thing could be a bit of an issue - im quite happy to be discreet - (If anyone would ruin the work environemnt i think it'd be him, last week he walked into a room, smiled and said hello to the person next to me, looked at me and said ' wow, you look tired (tone= 'you look terrible')' & got blasted by the other person for saying something that thoughtless to me. I don't know if he's trying overly hard to be casual or really just doesnt care. ) He doesn't have a mobile - we talk via email/msn usually - ie -the last time we went out, i emailed him 24hrs after we caught up (friday) saying 'i had a great time last night, let me know if you want to catch up for a session (he's recently started the same sport i do ), otherwise will see you @work wednesday - '. i haven't had a reply or anything, and i can't quite bring myself to initiate contact again after an email/msg has been ignored. so, i guess i'll give it a few more tries and see how we go?
brainygirl Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 thanks guys, i hope that he's just awkward n easily distracted. the work-dating thing could be a bit of an issue - im quite happy to be discreet - (If anyone would ruin the work environemnt i think it'd be him, last week he walked into a room, smiled and said hello to the person next to me, looked at me and said ' wow, you look tired (tone= 'you look terrible')' & got blasted by the other person for saying something that thoughtless to me. I don't know if he's trying overly hard to be casual or really just doesnt care. ) He doesn't have a mobile - we talk via email/msn usually - ie -the last time we went out, i emailed him 24hrs after we caught up (friday) saying 'i had a great time last night, let me know if you want to catch up for a session (he's recently started the same sport i do ), otherwise will see you @work wednesday - '. i haven't had a reply or anything, and i can't quite bring myself to initiate contact again after an email/msg has been ignored. so, i guess i'll give it a few more tries and see how we go? I've found that when a guy wants things to be very casual they will avoid contact with you unless its to plan a date. If you've been sleeping with him and plan to be sleeping with him some more, you are within your rights to ask him to define the relationship, but be prepared to hear something along the lines of "this is fun so why spoil it with being serious". The being distant at work may just be his way of attempting to avoid gossip. Or he's a thoughtless cad.
Author lab_brat Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 I've found that when a guy wants things to be very casual they will avoid contact with you unless its to plan a date. If you've been sleeping with him and plan to be sleeping with him some more, you are within your rights to ask him to define the relationship, but be prepared to hear something along the lines of "this is fun so why spoil it with being serious". Ok, i guess i'll bring it up. That would sting though. I always figured at a certain age people stopped playing these games, and that generally, if you're with someone, it's because you want to be with them?
Mac91 Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 How do you know he isn't just nervous? Have you made it clear that you like him? Or is it a little flirting here, subtle hints etc... Some girls don't seem interested, but they actually are... as a result, some guys, who can't read minds don't know what to do. So, they prep up, and when they talk to you, they talk to you alot. But do you respond like you "like" him?
norajane Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 How do you know he isn't just nervous? Have you made it clear that you like him? Or is it a little flirting here, subtle hints etc... Some girls don't seem interested, but they actually are... as a result, some guys, who can't read minds don't know what to do. So, they prep up, and when they talk to you, they talk to you alot. But do you respond like you "like" him? She had sex with him, a couple of times, and seems to be the one initiating contact and asking him out. What more does he need to know she "likes" him? lab_brat, I'd tell him how his behavior is making you feel. Either he doesn't know how he's treating you makes you feel, or he's not so interested. Either way, it's best to get it out in the open quickly, or all you'll get is more of the same.
Author lab_brat Posted June 6, 2010 Author Posted June 6, 2010 She had sex with him, a couple of times, and seems to be the one initiating contact and asking him out. What more does he need to know she "likes" him? lab_brat, I'd tell him how his behavior is making you feel. Either he doesn't know how he's treating you makes you feel, or he's not so interested. Either way, it's best to get it out in the open quickly, or all you'll get is more of the same. LOOL, yes, the pantslessness was my hint. But besides the sex, i do try to be nice n considerate. & we did go out a half-dozen times before sleeping together, plus saw each other at work and at gym daily, so i guess i came into it thinking this was more than just f**k buddies. But i guess you never know. will get it out in the open. like a bandaid. thanks xoxo
whichwayisup Posted June 6, 2010 Posted June 6, 2010 Separate work from this. He probably wants to keep things professional at work, atleast for now since the relationship is new. Give it afew days and if he doesn't contact you (outside of work) on a personal level, then talk to him. Chances are, he's shy or isn't experienced. And yes, some guys are clueless and just need a gentle 2x4 across the head!
TheLoneSock Posted June 7, 2010 Posted June 7, 2010 I’m not sure how to even bring it up because its so early on, without starting off ‘hey, so, sometimes you’re a bit of a jerk…?’ Any thoughts or advice please? Yeah, I definitely wouldn't go with that. Honestly, start off by approaching the situation rationally and without accusation. Simply ask him if he realizes that he is inconsistent with his moods towards you, and if he understands how that could hurt you. He is a math/physics guy, he loves logic. Use that to communicate. If the situation improves, then you have your man. If not, he's probably a dick.
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